Monday, May 05, 2008

Crazy Bones' Head Explodes

One of my favorite pastimes is linking you to a fun article where Crazy Bones starts cursing up a storm and the newspaper folks have to clean it up with a dozen or so [bleep]s and [stuff]s. You can find where I did it here, and here, and here, and here, and you know what? Just click on that "Ozzie Guillen" label down below for all of them. Yeah that's easier. Anyway, over the weekend Crazy Bones gave the Chicago Tribune this after another White Sox loss. For your pleasure (okay just mine), I am going to paste his entire tirade and do my best to translate it with the real [stuff]. A question mark following the curse word is my way of guessing what the actual spoken word was. Okay here goes (NOTE: Bad language to follow):

"Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups — Call up this guy, call up that guy. If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That's what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media: They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the fucking best shit(?) in town. Now we're shit(?). We won it a couple years ago, and we're horseshit. The Cubs haven't won in 100 years, and they're the fucking best. Fuck it, we're good. Fuck(?) everybody. We're horseshit, and we're going to be horseshit the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We have the worst owner. The guy's got seven fucking rings, and he's the fucking horseshit owner. In 2006 we had a good year, a great year. Last year was a bad year, and we never denied it. How about the Cubs celebrating that Lee Elia bullshit? How many times do I curse people out? I will make a lot of money with my shit(?). I have to keep going because in the future Ozzie will need money, and I can say, 'Here, give me money', here's the 10-year anniversary of my time I called Mariotti stuff and the time I went on the radio and cursed out Mike North. Yeah, we have to celebrate all that shit too. But I won't be around for 10 years, believe me. People are panicking. Did we play a real bad week? Yes, we did, we stunk. But it wasn't too long ago that we were — the biggest surprise in baseball, wow, look at the White Sox. All of a sudden, there we go, back to normal. We have to deal with it. Fuck(?) it. As long as the 25 guys out there believe we can do it, everyone else, hey ... And if those 25 don't? We'll find someone else that believes, believe me. I don't think Kenny is going to put up with this stuff. If they don't believe they can do it, well, we're going to find someone that can do it."

Generic and funny (debatable) line where I mock everything above in one sentence.

[Editor's Note: I'm not sure who wrote this first since they were both on the same day, but I wanted to point out that this guy wrote something similar. In fact it's almost identical. His may even be funnier. Oh well]