Friday, June 29, 2007

Ridiculous hair, Kevin Durant's mom, and other FAN-Tastic moments

The NBA Draft was last night. I wasn't going to mention it, but then my Bulls selected Joakim Noah (pictured right) and his ridiculous hair and I didn't want to pass up the chance to use the 'ridiculous afro' label again. So here were my favorite moments from the 2007 NBA Draft - an annual event that never seems to disappoint in the comedy department:

My favorite moment: A camera shot of Kevin Durant's mom cleaning something off of his face with her thumb followed by Kevin realizing the camera is focusing on the two of them followed by him pointing this out to his mom followed by his mom turning around and looking straight into the camera with a horrified look on her face. It was too perfect. And yes, Kevin Durant is now a 19-year-old multi-multi-multi-millionaire.

My 2nd favorite moment of the draft last night? Picturing the following conversation between Michael Jordan and his assistant:
His assistant: "Michael, it's our turn to pick."
Michael: "Pick what?"
His assistant: "We're on the clock, we need to pick a player in the draft."
Michael: "Oh, that's tonight? I totally forgot. Just take the North Carolina kid."
His Assistant: "Which North Carolina kid?"
Michael: "I don't know, any of them. Jeez, do I have to do everything around here?"

My 3rd favorite moment of the draft: my Bulls selecting JamesOn Curry in the 2nd round. YES! If you're not familiar with JamesOn Curry, he inspired the following quote from Sam Smith in Thursday's edition of the Chicago Tribune: "If Oklahoma State guard JamesOn Curry is available [in the 2nd round], the Bulls will draft him. They brought him to Chicago and liked how he talked about lessons learned from his high school arrest for selling marijuana." Oh yes, you gotta get that guy. I always wanted to be a Knick, but then I got high, Oooooooo, I thought I'd be a 1st round pick, but then I got high, ba dah dah dah dah dah.

The NBA - It's FAN-Tastic!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A spoonful of Randoms

- I could accidentally spill a cup of water that's being held at a distance of 2 feet from my body, but it would still manage to find my crotch somehow. Is that just bad luck, or does the crotch send off some kind of magnetic force for liquids?

- I would pay $100 to watch a discussion between Paris Hilton and her mother about United States foreign policy. And I would wager an extra $100 that the discussion would turn to dogs, makeup, or shopping within 30 seconds.

- Whenever someone says to me "hey, what’s up?", I always have a brief moment of panic. It's obvious that "not much" is the correct answer, but I'm always afraid that I'll answer the wrong question and say something like "pretty good". And then there will be a few seconds of silence while we both realize that I'm a big moron.

- It's '1-2-3-4-I-declare-a-thumb-war-ready-go'. Any deviation from that and you're wrestling a cheater.

- Was Vince's portrayal of Pablo Escobar on "Entourage" some kind of joke? He walked like Ace Ventura and he looked like Tony Clifton. Whose idea was that?

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The Twilight Zone meets Survivor

One of these days I'm going to watch the pilot episode of a new show and then continue watching it until it ends. Ever since the days of Seinfeld, when I didn't start watching until around Season 3 or 4 and then immediately became hooked, I've been a late arrival to hit shows. It started with Seinfeld, happened again with The Sopranos and 24, and now it continues with Lost. It's like I hear people talk about it around the 3rd or 4th season and feel left out of the conversation, then I'll spend a few weeks catching up to what I missed by running through the DVD's.

Last Friday Jill and I started watching Lost's first season. We flew through the first 10 episodes in a weekend (and it wasn't like we spent 2 full days inside, we actually got other stuff done). The first 2 seasons span 13 DVD's and in 5 evenings we've managed to go through 4 of them. I'd say we're hooked. I'll let you know how it turns out.

If any of you are a fan, feel free to comment on your thoughts of the show. Please don't give away plot points from Season 2 or 3 though. Hopefully I'll be there in a couple weeks.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Lather, rinse, repeat.

So this morning, I was in the shower and I was standing there looking at the rack of shampoo and soap thinking, "I have no idea what I have left to do." I honestly couldn't remember if I had shampooed yet. It wasn't until the shampoo was in my hair that I realized that I had washed it once already.

My mind is definitely going. It's been happening a lot more lately. In fact, just the other day something similar happened when I just stood there in some room trying to remember what I was in there for. Or maybe I was outside? And that might have been today.

I think these may be the early warning signs for that one disease. What's it called? That guy that was president before the guy who's president now's dad was president had it, I think. I sure I hope I don't have that. That would suck not to be able to remember anything.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Randoms

- I'd like Starbursts a lot more if they weren't individually wrapped. That just pisses me off.

- I have reached the point in my life where my happiness is directly affected by the price of gasoline.

- What's with those Japanese girls who always show up with Gwen Stefani? Is there a reason they’re always around? Did I miss the People Magazine article that explained it?

- I have reached the point in my life where my happiness is directly affected by how many Dove ice cream bars are left in the freezer.

- Why do all the good sports surgeons reside in Los Angeles? Can they charge more out there? Are there tax breaks? What’s the deal?

- I have reached the point in my life where my happiness is directly affected by whether or not the garbage man takes all our garbage. Then after he does, I always feel like I got away with something. I'm not sure why; it's not like I'm sticking old tires or car batteries in there.

- I've never seen a urinal installed at someone's house. It seems to me like that concept should have crossed over at least once or twice. Maybe at a frat house or something, but no.

- I think "LOL" is a big lie. Sure the IM or email may have been funny enough to make you smile a little bit, but were you really laughing out loud?

- Is it 'affected' or 'effected'? I think I've been using the right one, but that's one of those that always confuses me.

- I would never leave my car in a random parking lot with the windows rolled down. But over the weekend I learned that I have no problems leaving it in a random parking lot with the top down. Seems kind of strange.

- I have reached the point in my life where my happiness is directly affected by how my plants are doing.

- It's either 'take me out TO the crowd' or 'take me out WITH the crowd'. Can we all agree on one or the other and stick with it?

- I'm fresh out of Dove bars, but gas prices are on their way down (relatively speaking), the garbage man took all our garbage, and my plants are doing great. Life is good.

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Justice served

Friday, June 22, 2007

At least I'm better looking

I think it's obvious that this study is a load of crap.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

From the diary of a mad White Sox fan

Now that my White Sox are (un)officially removed from the 2007 playoff chase, I figured it’s time to reflect on the previous year and a half as a fan of this team. My final verdict? I feel cheated. No seriously, I feel cheated. I’m less than 2 years removed from watching my team win their first World Series since 1917, and today I sit here feeling cheated that I barely got to enjoy it. Think about it; Sox fans had like a 2 week window where we were feeling good and that's about it. If you remember, it wasn't until the very end of September that we knew our team was going to the playoffs. Up until then, all we would read about or have to listen to was Cubs fans and Indians fans and media people laughing at us because our team was about to blow a 15 game lead. But then they didn't. And then they blew through the playoffs in like 2 weeks. And then everything was over. Before we knew it, Ozzie was calling Jay Mariotti a [bleep], AJ was getting sucker-punched by Michael Barrett, and the Sox were under-achieving their way to a 3rd place finish. What the hell happened?

Today, I keep hearing White Sox fans say things like "well at least we had 2005" or "well at least we got to experience it once". I’ve even heard myself say those things. But did we really have 2005? Did we really experience it? My only moments of celebration included an hour or two after Game 4 in Houston, an hour at the parade two days later, and 1 hour at the ring ceremony game the following April (which I had to leave early because of my unfortunate bout with food poisoning). That’s 3 hours of celebration, 4 tops. Now all I have to show for it is a fake ring that I got for showing up to that April game early, a couple of DVDs that proves to me that those 2 weeks really happened, and an autograph I got at Soxfest from Jon Garland the following February (which I gave away to my nephew). That's it. And now they suck again. Son of a _____!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It's a blog eat blog world and I'm wearing Bloglet underwear

I've read that a good way to keep your cat off the furniture or counter tops is to spray them in the face with a water bottle. I'm not sure if that works on cats, but it seems to be helping keep people out of my cubicle.

I think we need to retire the phrase "everyone and their mother". The only time that expression ever really works is in response to the question, "Who's going to be at the mother-son picnic?"

What do you take if you break out in hives from taking Benadryl?

Nobody names their dog "Spot" anymore. Spot is like the dog version of Wally.

I was watching C-SPAN and I noticed that Congress still uses "aye" and "nay" instead of just using the common English words, "yes" and "no". I don't really have a joke here, but I do think it's just another example of how Congress is stupid.

When I die, I want to be cremated and put in an urn with a bunch of springy snakes.

Just like the bible says, I think I'll be eating Chinese food for lunch today

Scary article about troubled Devil Ray's outfielder Elijah Dukes. The money quote:

"I'm not one of those people who have to get even. Just like the Bible says, if you know it's not true, you don't have to say anything and I haven't been saying anything."

I think it's quite obvious, but in case you were wondering, Elijah was referring to Paul's letters to the Corinthians.

Try getting this out of your head

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

More golf drivel

After reading this, I'm not sure which punchline to use, but I have it narrowed down to the following:

- At least I'm not that bad.
- Maybe he should stick to mini-golf.
- How'd he do on the back 9?
- Did he take a mulligan?
- Wow, he was on fire.

Feel free to add one of your own.

Intercom gripe

Seriously, when you're paging someone around the office, is it necessary to hang up the phone making as much noise as possible so it sounds like "Floyd, please call extension 124. Floyd, 124, please. @#$@%&$#*!"

How come we can't all just say what we need to say and then use our finger to hang up the phone so it doesn't make that crash sound?

Ok. Done griping.

Rock on.

How to cook chicken

...I guess.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Save the breasts... and carp

Pink ribbons aren't free, are they?

I ask because it occurred to me that there seems to be a lot of money wasted on the manufacturing and distributing of the millions of little pink breast cancer awareness ribbons all over the place that could have just gone to curing the damn thing. And while we're at it, is there anyone that isn't "aware" of breast cancer at this point? Can we stop calling it "breast cancer awareness"? I'm all for raising money for a good cause, and what better cause could there be than the protection of perfectly good breasts, but I just don't understand what the ribbon does to advance that goal.

It seems to me that the ribbons are more about looking like you care than they are about actually contributing to the solution. I don't mean to pick on breast cancer, but the pink ribbons are far and away the most visible. There's a ribbon for practically every kind of cancer, including light blue for prostate cancer. I'm sure we all know why we don't see as many light blue ribbon magnets on minivans. There's nothing cute about the prostate.

It's the same reason you don't see bumper stickers that say, "Save the Common Wild Carp". Sure they're endangered too, but carp are not nearly as cute and lovable as say, owls or seals or whales. If the animal isn't worth the effort of the good people at Ty, then the sucker just ain't worth savin'.

Well I say screw that! Let's save the Common Wild Carp!

A few high (and low) lights from Saturday’s 18 holes

- The weather was hot, the beer was flowing, so everyone had fun.
- I didn’t come in last. In fact, two others finished with a worse score than me.
- I hit two houses, but no people (I’ll take all the positives I can).
- I only lost 4 balls the entire round. Last year I think I lost 20 or so.
- My score improved by 15% versus the year before. What does that mean? I guess it means that my game went from ridiculously bad to just bad. I’ll take it.

A final thought about golf and then I’ll put this topic to bed. One of the things I realized as I was searching the high grass for my ball on the 12th hole is that golf is a lot harder for people who suck. That seems like an obvious statement, but hear me out. I’m not just referring to the ability to hit the ball straight and far. I’m referring to the game itself being harder. For instance, if I was good, I would probably be able to hit the fairway on my drives every time. From there, my 2nd and 3rd shots would be a lot easier because it’s easier to shoot from the fairway than it is from the rough. See what I mean? Essentially what golf does is it penalizes the people who aren’t good at it by making them attempt ridiculous shots from knee-high grass. If I ever ran my own course, I would make the rough down the middle and the low grass along the sides. The course would look dumb, but guys like me with wicked slices would benefit greatly.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Coach purses, Fergie, and other Randoms

- I never understood why a thief would steal artwork in hopes to sell it. If it’s worth enough to go to the trouble of stealing it, could there really be a market for it? And if you were that rich, would you really want visual proof of grand theft hanging out in your living room?

- If I had to rate my favorite portmanteaus, spork would probably be 1st, brunch would be 2nd, and Fergalicious would be dead last.

- When I was a kid, I remember being told that Oakley sunglasses were bulletproof. Was that true? And if so, why were they?

- It’s finally happened. The folks over at Pringles are selling a smaller bag of chips and calling it the "fun size". If they only knew what we really considered the fun size……

- Why does Coach make a purse that doesn’t say Coach on it? Do they think any woman is gonna buy that sonofabitch?

- You know what, don’t answer that. In fact, forget I even asked. That previous Random will be stricken from the record.

- Does headache medicine really work, or did the headache simply go away?

- I’m lucky Jill didn’t subscribe to the 6-6-6 rule (6 feet tall, 6 inches long, and a 6 figure income). After all, I’m only 5'11".

- I admit, that was a little too cutesy, even for this page. Let’s try to end this on a high note.

- It’s never a good sign when I’m at work and I overhear someone say in the distance "I’m not sure, but ask Brian, he might know". It’s probably in my best interests to lock my PC and hide under my desk for a few minutes George Costanza style.

- Have a good weekend Everyone! And in case you forgot, they tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.

Happy Father's Day - wanna ruin it by golfing?

Remember this? Well it's that time again. Tomorrow morning I will try my hand at Round 2 of the Jill's family's annual Father's Day golf outing. A few things will be different this year:

1. I have new clubs. Jill got them for me as a wedding gift. They're awesome. Much too nice for a guy who sucks at golf.
2. I'll be wearing golf shoes and a glove on my right hand. I bought the shoes last summer and Jill's brother Tommy got me the glove for my birthday. In other words, I'll look like a golfer (aside from the way I'm golfing).
3. My dad will be joining me this year and all indications based on our trip to the driving range last night point towards him sucking as bad or worse than me. Last year I was in a foursome with my father-in-law (decent golfer), an uncle-in-law (awesome golfer), and some guy I just met (another awesome golfer). Yeah, it was a bloodbath. This year I'll be playing with my dad (sucks), Tommy (also sucks), and Jill's dad (decent). That's my kind of foursome.
4. And finally, I actually have improved. I haven't taken any lessons or anything, but I have taken some pointers from people who know what they're doing and they've actually worked. Somewhat.

I can't be any worse than last year.

Famous last words, right?

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Mona said, "I wanna leave Bennigans"

People say it's high in fiber (Part 2)

Money quote from this article: "I am in no way a violent person."

Try reading that without squirming. Better yet, try making it to the end without giving up and closing down your screen. It took me 3 tries.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Is this blog pointless? No. But yes it is.

I haven't done one of these in a while, mostly because this funny site does it as well and I think they do a much better job of it than I ever did. Also, I get more pleasure out of simply reading them versus critiquing them. But here's a taste from today's installment of the Joe Morgan chat on


Bawb (Fairview, UT): ...Is there any player today that reminds you of your hitting style?

Joe Morgan: I don't usually compare guys to me, so I would probably have to say no. I would have to say Ray Durham is similar.

Fictitious and Hypothetical Interviewer: Hey Brian, I was wondering if there's anyone that you know of who shares your similar interests and *cough* sense of humor

Brian: No there isn't. I would say my brother Greg.


That is all for this installment. Joe's "hour-long" chat lasted approximately 11 minutes today. Just a fantastic job.

Billing Hell

Back in April, I traded in one Chrysler vehicle for a different Chrysler vehicle. Both are/were financed through Chrysler Financial, but the new policy has been completely jacked since I signed the paperwork. At the end of May, I received my first bill that showed a due date of June 7th. I made the payment on June 1st, and the payment cleared 2 days later. On June 6th, I received another bill in the mail that showed a due date of June 7th again. It looked like an exact duplicate of the bill I had received at the end of May. So I filed it away and ignored it, chalking it up to a simple mistake by the biller. Yesterday I received yet another bill, again showing a due date of June 7th (received by me on the 11th). That’s three bills now that have looked exactly the same, each sent within about a week of each other. This can’t be good.

My question - Is it possible to make a change to a policy (regardless of the company) without screwing up the billing somehow? It seems like for at least three months afterwards, you’re going to be getting bills every couple days that don’t make any sense. You’ll be standing by your mailbox thinking things like "wait a second, didn’t I just pay this?" or "how can they send me a bill today for something that was due 4 days ago?"

I can’t wait to see what my Allstate bill has in store for me.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

Wait, that was it?

Okay so my predictions were wrong.

Or were they?

See that’s the thing with open-ended “endings”. You’re left to draw your own conclusions. This morning, everyone who invested 8 years into this show will get to debate the different fates of all the characters who made it out alive. But personally, I’m more of a results-oriented kinda guy. I like to be spoon-fed, and if I’m gonna be given the keys to writing duty of a hit show, I want the financial perks that come with it. Otherwise, I want a friggin ending. And I didn’t get one. What a drag.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Leave the gun, take the cannolis

With only one episode left of The Soprano’s, I figured it was time to look back on the predictions I made back in April.

1. I think the FBI has gotten to Paulie – I suppose this scenario seems just as likely to me now as it did two months ago. I believe there to be one of three possibilities for Paulie that will come to light on Sunday. Either he has turned on Tony and is working for the FBI, he has turned on Tony and is working for New York, or he’s one of few characters who will have remained loyal to Tony throughout the series. Based on what we saw last week, I’m now leaning towards possibility #2 – he’s working for New York. Why else would all of Tony’s main guys be targeted by Phil Leotardo except for Paulie unless he were helping them? My hope is that this scenario is too obvious and Paulie ends up loyal to the end. He was always my favorite character on the show.

2. Bobby Bacala is about to be arrested for killing that guy at the Laundromat – this story line (introduced in the season opener) went completely unresolved. Now that he’s dead, he cannot be punished for blatantly leaving evidence behind. Either this detail was included in the opener just to get us thinking one way while the story headed off in another direction, or Bobby’s carelessness is going to come back and haunt Tony on Sunday for giving the go-ahead for the murder itself. If I had to wager a guess, I would say that this scene won’t be mentioned, won’t be flashed back, and won’t be important to the story come Sunday.

3. Not so obvious is the fallout from that arrest. You think Janice will take it lightly that her husband is in prison and no longer earning? Who do you think she will take it out on? My guess is either Carmela, with whom she fought with by the lake in the season premier, or Tony, with whom she has had a dysfunctional relationship with since they were kids. Could Janice actually kill her brother? I think so. – Okay, so the exact details of this scenario are no longer possible with Bobby being dead and all, but there’s still a real chance that Janice could blame Tony for Bobby’s death. I’ve thought all season that if Tony were to be killed, it would be by Janice. I’m sticking by this theory.

4. Finally, there’s what happens to Uncle Junior. In April, I wagered that he would have people killed in retaliation for getting his arse kicked by that crazy guy. I don’t really see this as a possibility now since he’s still incarcerated and there’s only 1 hour of show left, but I do think it’s possible that he’ll be one of the last men standing following Sunday’s hour-long blood-bath. Anyway, here are my final predictions for Sunday’s series finale:

- Janice kills Tony.
- Paulie, with the blessing of his new friend in New York, becomes Don of the New Jersey family.
- Carmela kills Janice, but AJ gets caught in the crossfire (let’s all hope for this).
- Meadow gets shot walking down the stairs of an opera house.
- Of course that’s a joke, that would be much too corny. Maybe Meadow and Carmela can pull a Thelma and Louise or something and drive off a cliff.

Regardless of what happens, I can’t wait for Sunday. Enjoy.

Swear Jar

Have a great F*&%ing weekend, everyone!

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Toe Cramps, Tennis, and other Friday Randoms

- They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no. If you’re familiar with those lyrics, good luck trying not to sing them the rest of the day.

- Tennis is a sport that you have to be good at to enjoy. Otherwise you’re just a goofy a-hole running back and forth chasing a yellow ball.

- At least with golf, if you suck, they’ll still let you drive the cart and you can drink beer for 4 straight hours. Is there a way to combine tennis with alcohol and driving?

- Sometimes I’ll look out the window and I’ll see a blue sky with white clouds, and I’m immediately reminded of The Simpsons.

- If I’m flipping through the channels and I inexplicably find that "Can’t Buy Me Love" is on, there’s a 100% chance that I’m going to watch it at least until Ronald Miller shits on the red-haired kids house. After that, I may keep watching, I may not. Depends on how I feel.

- I find that the older I get, the bigger appreciation I have for nice looking work shoes. But after looking at some of my co-workers who are in their late 30s and 40s, I recognize that that appreciation will eventually diminish and I will soon substitute looks for comfort.

- "You shit on my house Man, you shit on my house!" Classic. He may be Dr. McDreamy to you, but he'll always be Ronald "McDonald" Miller to me.

- Nothing will stop you in your tracks quite like a toe cramp. Does anybody know the reason why the 2nd toe likes to make its way over to the big guy every so often? Son of a B, that hurts.

- One thing I’ve learned since the DVD era began is that most of those scenes were deleted for good reason.

- Whenever a good idea comes along, I sometimes wonder why it took so long to be developed. Like why did it take nearly 100 years of going to a movie theater before it was decided that stadium seating would work better? Same goes for the built-in cup holders. Both are no-brainers, but we didn’t start seeing them until the 1990’s. What the hell?

- Never trust a bartender who charges you a different amount for the same set of drinks every time you make your way to the bar.

- If I were a regular rider of the train into work, I think I’d be a lower-level guy. The upper level seems so cramped, and there would always be that anxious feeling of not being able to get to the door quick enough when you reached your stop, and I don’t need all that drama.

- They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no. Have a good weekend.

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I'll say it...

If she's not careful, Paris Hilton may have to worry about getting overexposed. 13,207 online news stories about Hilton in the last day. That's kind of a lot.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Yeah, but can they work from home?

The Major League Baseball amateur draft is currently going on as I type this. You really have to be a big nerd to find it interesting since most of the names mentioned today will never be heard from again. Lucky for you, I am a big nerd, so I'm bringing it up right now. The main reason for bringing it up though is because I like to make everyone feel old. Nearly everything I do nowadays makes me feel old, and I like company. So consider this: Roughly half the kids who will be drafted today by a Major League Baseball team were born in 1989. Yup, 19-friggin-89. What exactly does that mean? Well I'll tell you. It means that:

- if a song from Van Halen or Bon Jovi came on the radio, they probably wouldn't know who it was. That's probably a good thing for them, so bad example.
- they don't remember when our current President's dad was the President. Another bad example? I can keep going.
- they've never paid for gas when it was under $2 per gallon.
- they only have faint memories of when Michael Jordan was a good basketball player.
- they've never gone to the movies and paid less than $8.
- they don't remember when Christopher Reeve was Superman, Michael Keaton was Batman, and we didn't have a Spiderman.
- they've probably never been to a baseball card show.
- they don't remember when Mike Tyson's Punchout had the best graphics of all time.

And finally, it means that there's a young kid who is 18 years old right now who will soon be signing his name to a contract that will pay him millions of dollars before he even puts on a uniform. Good gig if you can get it. I will now light myself on fire.

People say it's high in fiber

The story associated with this picture was uninteresting and will thus go uncited in this space, but the picture itself got me thinking. I'm hungry for some Cheerios.

Spelling bee, MTV, and other Randoms

I can still recite the entire McDonald's menu song. I'm pretty sure Greg can too and that song is like 20 years old. Is this a skill that we can use somewhere? Can we put this on our résumé's?

Do you think William Ockham had a complex theory on why "Occam's razor" was spelled like that? If so, that'd be kind of ironic.

I admit that last random will be humorous to maybe 4 people in the whole world. But I'm one of them, so I don't care.

I taped the MTV Movie Awards from Sunday night and watched it yesterday. And yes, I am 28 years old. In fairness to me, I think I laughed exactly zero times.

By the way, was Paris Hilton surprised that Sarah Silverman picked on her during the monologue? If I was Paris, I would have been more surprised if my name wasn't mentioned.

Why am I always the only one in my neighborhood who never knows when yard waste day is? Is there an email distribution list somewhere that I've been left off of?

When I read stories like this one, I immediately think of the Farrelly brothers and wonder why this scene hasn't made its way to one of their movies yet. Is it just me, or do stories like these only come from Michigan?

I think it's unfair when an Indian kid makes it to the finals of the spelling bee. All his life he's been able to practice by having to spell his own name.

That previous Random was endorsed by an Indian co-worker of mine. So I think I'm in the clear.

And finally, in case you forgot, Big Mac, McDLT, a Quarter-Pounder with some cheese, Fillet of Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal, McNuggets, Tasty golden french fries, Regular or Larger Size, a Salad (chef or garden or a chicken salad oriental), Big Big Breakfast, Egg McMuffin, Hot hot cakes and sausage, Maybe Biscuits, Bacon Egg and Cheese, a sausage, Danish, Hashbrowns too, and for desert hot apple pies, and sundaes (three varieties), a soft-serve cone, three kinds of shakes, and chocolatey chip cookies, and to drink a Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, an orange drink, Sprite, a coffee, decaf too, lowfat milk, and orange juice. I love McDonald's good time, great taste, and I get this all at one place.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

Japanese scientists today revealed that they have developed a robot "baby" that can walk, talk, feel and creep the bejeezus out of you! Thanks to this story, I'm certain that I will have trouble sleeping tonight.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Baby steps walk off the field

If you haven't seen it yet, check out this video of a minor league manager's rapid descent into madness. This will be the standard by which all future managerial meltdowns are measured. Meet Mississippi Braves manager, Phillip Wellman.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Gratuitous Chicago baseball post

First off, let me congratulate the Chicago Cubs and their fine display this afternoon. It's displays like those that allow me (as a White Sox fan) to be able to continue reading the sports section of the newspaper without wanting to kill myself. So for that, I thank them dearly.

Secondly, I would like to thank Darin Erstad for finally putting himself out of his misery (and mine). I know Ozzie Guillen didn't mind that his leadoff man never got on base, but if I've learned anything about Darin Erstad this season, it's that he's a gamer who will do anything and everything it takes for his team to win, which is why he faked that injury on Thursday so that Ozzie would have no choice but to remove him from the lineup. Sly veteran move Darin, very sly. If only he could figure out a way to convince Juan Uribe to do the same, we'd be back in business.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Me and Bloglet McGee

If I was a circus clown who's act consisted of doing tricks with my ass but I lacked the talent to pull it off, I'm pretty sure I'd sue Jimmy Fallon for stealing my intellectual property.

Was it just me or did all the girls when we were younger separate themselves into 3 distinct castes?...There were the girls who liked unicorns, the girls who liked rainbows and the girls who liked pandas. By my observation, the unicorn girls turned out sluttiest. Coincidence?

Also, if you were a unicorn girl, chances were 50% higher that you had mall bangs and carried around a Lisa Frank binder.

Janis Joplin was wrong... 'Homeless' is another word for nothing left to lose.

This is just a hunch but had she known we were all going to read her diary, Anne Frank probably would have left out the bit about her homosexual fantasies.

Because of Stouffers, the word 'cuisine' now means the exact opposite of what it used to.

I have no problem that Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony, but if he stuck a feather in his cap and called it 'macaroni', it's fair to say that Mr. Doodle had at least a mild form of delusional psychosis.

A sign that Hillary's in trouble?

Something tells me that Hillary is creating a new job for today and hiring a "Campaign Sign Spell Checker".

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