Monday, June 16, 2008
Weekend Sports Thoughts
by Anonymous at 11:54 AM
Not to be the guy who craps on the good story [okay, I love to be the guy who craps on the good story], but did you notice that Tiger Woods only grimaced yesterday when he shanked the ball into the rough? Every time he hit a good shot, his knee somehow gave him no pain.
The White Sox have lost 5 of 6. I think today is the day when Crazy Bones kills someone.
Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang injured his foot in yesterday's game. Can you guess which of the following lines related to that injury were found in articles by the AP, NY Post, NY Times?
A. An injured Wang doesn't bode well
B. They need a healthy Wang if they're going to make it to October
C. The other guys will have to step it up in the absense of Wang
D. You have a superior Wang
E. All of the above
Yep, the answer is E. Nicely done.
Actually, I made up A, B, and C.
And D was from Boogie Nights.
Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the day that Bull Durham was released. A lot of people will put Bull Durham on their list of favorite sports movies (or at least favorite baseball movies). Those same people will cite this line by Kevin Costner as one of its classics: Well, I believe in the soul, the bleep, the bleep, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. After that line, Susan Surandon gets a little weak in the knees and she falls in love with him. Okay fair enough. Who wouldn't fall in love with Kevin Costner after he said that? But I ask you: is there any way someone could ever give an impomptu speech like that without it being rehearsed? I don't think so. He totally used that speech once before. Or read it somewhere, liked it, and memorized it. Which means that Susan Surandon fell in love with a lie. That always bothered me about that movie.
You wanna know the best part though? Next time you catch that movie on cable, you'll think of me when Kevin Costner starts his little spiel.
