Friday, June 13, 2008

A dirty joke to get you through the weekend

I'm in a golfing spirit. Tomorrow it's going to be 80 degrees or so and I tee off shortly before 9. So to get you in the same spirit, I'm giving you this horribly dirty golf joke. Mom look away. Greg you too.

Okay, so this guy is on the 3rd tee and he's already 6 or 7 strokes over par. As you can imagine, he's pretty upset with how poorly he's doing. Just as he's about to tee off on the 3rd hole, a tiny leprechaun saddles up behind him.

"Excuse me Sir," says the leprechaun. "I notice you've been having some problems. Well I tell you what. If you [pleasure me orally], I'll make you a better golfer."

"That's nonsense," says the man. "Get out of here you crazy leprechaun."

So the leprechaun leaves.

A few holes later, the man is doing even worse. It's the 6th hole, and now he's a good 15 strokes over par. He's extremely upset now and is on the verge of throwing his clubs into a pond. Along comes you know who.

"Excuse me Sir," says the leprechaun. "I notice that you're not getting any better. Well my offer still stands. [Pleasure me orally], and I'll make you a better golfer."

"I thought I told you to get the hell out of here," says the man. "I don't need your help, and I'm certainly not going to do that to get it."

So the leprechaun leaves again.

Three holes later, the man tees off and his ball flies directly into the woods.

"Son of a bitch, c___ sucker gosh darnit to [bleep]!" screams the man. He's 20 over par, and now he has to go searching through the trees to find his ball.

With that, the leprechaun wanders over one more time.

"Sir," says the leprechaun. "I've seen you hit the ball over here. I've seen you hit the ball over there. I've seen you hit the ball everywhere except for where you're supposed to hit the ball. Please, let me help you. [Pleasure me orally], and I'll make you a good golfer."

By now the man is desperate. He hates that he sucks at golf, so he finally obliges the leprechaun.

So as he's [pleasuring the leprechaun orally], the leprechaun looks down at the man and says "by the way Sir, how old are you?"

"Well I'm 35 years old," says the man.

"And you still believe in leprechauns?"

Happy Friday. And if your weather cooperates this weekend, make sure you enjoy it.

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2 comments:

  1. Greg Says:

    Why did you refer to him as "this guy" instead of in the first person? And you're not 35.

  2. Brian Says:

    I thought I told you to look away.