1 Happy St

- Do you know what the point is behind electronic paper towel dispensers in a public restroom? If it's a convenience thing so that I don't have to touch stuff, shouldn't there be an electronic bathroom door opener too then?

- I like when people ask to be called something not even close to their real name. There's this guy who works for my company whose name is Melvin, but he asks to be called Rick. I know he's not going by his middle name since it starts with W. I'm thinking he does it so that people who don't know him won't be able to find him in the company directory. He probably gets out of so much work doing that. Then again, if your name was Melvin, you'd probably want to be called something else too.

- How many times can someone be humbled before they give up and realize that they've always sucked?

- I've been wearing abercrombie cologne recently. You wouldn't believe how many people have come up to me and said "hey are you wearing abercrombie?" Or maybe you would believe it. The point is, this is something I could never do. Recognizing cologne smells? What the bleep?

- On my vacation, I landscaped my front yard. Apparently landscaping and gardening brings people together. I think the whole neighborhood came and introduced themselves to me. One lady told me that she was wondering what I was going to do with the dried bushes in my front yard. I was like, oh great, we were THAT house (signs we're getting old courtesy of Maegan).

- Jamie Lee Curtis freaks me out. If I have digestive issues, is yogurt really fixing that shit? Get it? Fixing that shit? I love puns.

- Why you comin' home, at five in the morn, something's goin' on, can I smell yo dick?

- Yeah, those lyrics still speak to me.

- On that note, remember that you can't be late for work if you simply don't show up.