Thursday, June 05, 2008


If the lady at the burrito place asks you if you want your food to include cilantro, tell her "no thanks". You hate cilantro on your burrito. Every time you bite into one of those stems, you'll think to yourself "damn, I wish this burrito didn't have cilantro. It tastes like open anus. Or at least how I would assume open anus tastes".

Also, if you order 1 steak taco just in case the burrito that you ordered tastes like open anus [that was good thinking by the way; you can never tell with a new burrito place], make sure you also tell the lady "no cilantro on that either". You remember that cilantro taste that you hate on your burrito? Well it does not get magically better when it's put on a taco. Just like with the burrito, the cilantro will make your taco taste like open anus as well.

Quick aside - you do not like the taste of open anus.

[follow-up note from Brian: that first paragraph reads a lot better if you read it in the voice of Mitch Hedberg. Go ahead, try it]


  1. Jane Says:

    Just a simple anus wouldn't do? It had to be open as well?

  2. Anonymous Says:

    You're right, I could have just said anus. But I went with open to make sure that you didn't confuse it with closed. Closed anus ain't all that bad.

  3. Melissa Says:

    You totally went to Los Compadres, didn't you? Seriously, remember when I couldn't understand what the lady was saying, so I nodded politely? That damn burrito had cilantro all over it!