Wednesday, June 04, 2008

1HappySt advice

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received came from a former neighbor of mine who said to me "always deuce at work because where else are you going to get paid to deuce". Now I can't remember the context in which that even came up in our conversation; I think we were talking about pool supplies or something. But at the time he said it, I was one of those who people who would never deuce at work. I was like Shitbreak from American Pie. I wasn't going in there for that.

But then I started to weigh the pros and cons. The obvious pros were that it makes you feel better immediately. Also, holding it in can be damaging to your health and nobody needs that. Now as like a bonus, there was this new pro that I hadn't thought of until my genius neighbor brought it to my attention. As I saw it, there was only 1 con; I'd be occupying a space that had previously been occupied by another male co-worker who had recently had his pants around his ankles. Granted, that's a huge con. But the question was, was that con worth the prospect of missing out on free money? My answer - hells no. So I became one of those guys who deuces at work. And honestly, it changed my life. No more feeling sick when I got home. My health risks were cut by 34% (figures estimated and chosen arbitrarily). And most importantly, I was getting paid to do it.

So why am I bringing this up now? No reason whatsoever. Oh wait yes there is. I bring this up to you now because a few weeks ago, I shared this advice with a friend of mine and he seems to have really taken to it. I know this because ever since then, I've been getting texts from him (usually right after lunch time) that say "totally getting paid for this". Glad I could help Friend. Glad I could help.

And now I pass this advice onto you. Next time you're in there, please think of me.


  1. Anonymous Says:

    All about duecing at work. Just make sure to lay down a double thick gasket on the seat and that con isn't so bad.

    By all means, text message the girlfriend. Mel likes to hear about any painting I do as well as receive pics of the damage done to the stall while on the clock.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I personaly believe that the most self fulfilling place to deuce is a museum. That way if you are really proud of the end result, and c'mon who hasn't stood proud over the bowl after an extremely rewarding deuce, you can always say to yourself that you have a piece of your own work at, say the Whitney. Making things even better is I use to work at a museum in New York, one of the ones that charges way too much and has been re-opened for a few years now, so I was paid to produce deuce art work. Top that!!