1 Happy St

If I was a circus clown who's act consisted of doing tricks with my ass but I lacked the talent to pull it off, I'm pretty sure I'd sue Jimmy Fallon for stealing my intellectual property.

Was it just me or did all the girls when we were younger separate themselves into 3 distinct castes?...There were the girls who liked unicorns, the girls who liked rainbows and the girls who liked pandas. By my observation, the unicorn girls turned out sluttiest. Coincidence?

Also, if you were a unicorn girl, chances were 50% higher that you had mall bangs and carried around a Lisa Frank binder.

Janis Joplin was wrong... 'Homeless' is another word for nothing left to lose.

This is just a hunch but had she known we were all going to read her diary, Anne Frank probably would have left out the bit about her homosexual fantasies.

Because of Stouffers, the word 'cuisine' now means the exact opposite of what it used to.

I have no problem that Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony, but if he stuck a feather in his cap and called it 'macaroni', it's fair to say that Mr. Doodle had at least a mild form of delusional psychosis.