1 Happy St

I thought about getting my mom flowers for Mother's Day this year, but i think she'll like this even more than roses.


Treat her right
Treat your mother right
Treat her right
Treat her right

Mother
There is no other
Like Mother
So treat Her right
Mother
I always Love Her
My Mother
So treat Her right, treat Her right


M is for the moan, and the miserable groan
from the pain that She felt when I was born

O is for the oven with it's burnin' heat
where She stood makin' sure I had something to eat

T is for the time that She stayed up at night
and took my temperature when I wasn't feelin' right

H is for the hard earned money She spent
to keep clothes on my back and try to pay da' rent

E is every wrinkle I put on Her face
and every worry that I caused when I stayed out late

The last letter R is that She taught me Respect
and for the room up in Heaven that I know She'll get

She's a Queen
Second to none
Take care of Mother
You only get one

I've read that a good way to keep your cat off the furniture or counter tops is to spray them in the face with a water bottle. I'm not sure if that works on cats, but it seems to be helping keep people out of my cubicle.

I think we need to retire the phrase "everyone and their mother". The only time that expression ever really works is in response to the question, "Who's going to be at the mother-son picnic?"

What do you take if you break out in hives from taking Benadryl?

Nobody names their dog "Spot" anymore. Spot is like the dog version of Wally.

I was watching C-SPAN and I noticed that Congress still uses "aye" and "nay" instead of just using the common English words, "yes" and "no". I don't really have a joke here, but I do think it's just another example of how Congress is stupid.

When I die, I want to be cremated and put in an urn with a bunch of springy snakes.