1 Happy St

The morning started out well enough. My alarm went off, I got out of bed, I took a shower, I did all that morning crap that every one of us does every day. I put on jeans because it's jean day. I made it into work on time. Fresh coffee was waiting for me when I got here. These are all good things.

So why has the last hour been so bad? I have no idea, but I'm almost ready to leave for the day.

First I spilled coffee on the front of my shirt. For no reason whatsoever. It wasn't too hot and I didn't drop it. No I just kind of missed my mouth a little bit. I've been drinking successfully for going on 5 or 10 years now, so there's really no excuse. I just flat-out missed my mouth. So now I have a giant coffee stain right in the middle of my shirt. It will be saying hello to everyone I come in contact with from now until I get home. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm coffee stain. Yeah that moron you're shaking hands with put me right here on the front of his shirt today. I'm not sure why, I guess he felt like it. And he's a moron."

Next I decided to make myself some noodle soup. Mmm, noodle soup [reference alert]. Yeah I know, again with the soup in the morning. But it was all I had. It comes in this little polystyrene microwavable cup and it's actually pretty good. And easy to make. Or so I used to think. The directions say to fill the cup with water, microwave it for 1 minute, stir, then microwave it for another minute. I should probably mention that I don't have a spoon, I only have a fork. Have you ever eaten soup with a fork? It ain't easy. But I do it because it's all I have. This detail will become important to the story right now. So after the first minute of microwaving it, I was stirring it with my fork when I accidently punctured the side of the polystyrene foam. Uh oh. Soup broth started spraying out of this thing faster than I could come up with a plan to stop it. And then I dropped the entire cup on the floor. Noodles everywhere. Son of a bitch!

So if you work with me and you happened to come by the kitchen about 30 minutes ago, you would have seen me on my hands and knees cleaning up wet noodles and soup broth. Oh, and I had a giant coffee stain on the front of my shirt. Which I still do. And I still haven't eaten yet. Lunch can't get here fast enough.

TGIF? You have no idea. Because if today were Monday, I'd have gone home by now.