1 Happy St

- What’s the difference between a box of Somoas and a box of Caramel deLites?

- I like how the White Sox beat reporters don’t even fix Ozzie Guillen’s Spanglish anymore when they quote him in the newspaper, they just print it word for word. They no go to [expletive] trouble of translating.

- Everyone I know who has a Sprint cell phone complains about their coverage and service. So why do people continue to use them?

- I think it was a good idea for Shell to install those TV monitors at their pumps. There’s nothing more boring than waiting for your gas tank to fill. But would it kill them to show something interesting besides busted Tonight Show bits?

- Every time I hang up the phone after ordering out for Chinese, I always think to myself that there’s no way that lady understood me. But then when my food arrives, it’s always exactly what I ordered. Kinda funny.

- I saw "Premonition" starring Sandra Bullock on Sunday night. It’s pretty good, if you’re that type of person who likes movies that really suck.

- There’s always one small spot in my backyard that will take 2 or 3 days longer than every other spot in the neighborhood for the snow to melt. I wonder what that’s about.

- I wasn’t being fair to "Premonition" earlier. It didn’t really suck.

- Oh wait, yes it did. That movie really really sucked. Do yourself a favor and see it so you can find out for yourself how badly it sucks.

- Did you happen to catch the E! True Hollywood Story of "Mean Girls" yet? Those Tina Fey junket interviews from when the movie was released where she praises Lindsay Lohan’s talent and professionalism seem really dated now. It reminded me of the SNL opening monologue from MC Hammer in the early 90’s where he said everything was going great for him and he couldn’t believe how well his albums were selling. Poor Hammer.