1 Happy St

I used to think that the mediocre live performances by American Idol contestants was simply the result of them being mediocre singers. But after last night, I’m no longer sure. Maybe it’s just that live singing doesn’t come across very well on television. Did any of you happen to catch Diana Ross on the show last night? Was there anything about that performance that made you realize why she’s one of the most famous and successful female singers of all time? It’s too bad the judges weren’t allowed to critique it afterwards. Here’s how it would have sounded (if they were being honest of course)

Randy: "I don’t know dawg, that was just aiiight for me, ya know? It was a little pitchy. Maybe it just wasn’t the right song-choice for you. I don’t know, it was just aiight for me. Paula?"

Paula: "You have a grace and a presence on stage that just……[pause]……comes through when you sing. You look beautiful and you just……[pause]……nonsense nonsense nonsense somebody please kill me."

Simon: "I agree with Randy, that was an utterly forgettable performance, just dreadful actually. You sounded like a cruise singer and you looked like a hooker. Absolutely dreadful."

Diana better get her act together if she wants to make it through to the later rounds.