Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Vaseline, bubblegum, and green ice cream

Who can still wear wife-beaters, knowing they're called wife-beaters? I used to have a wife-beater but I just couldn't continue wearing it with a clear conscience. That's not to mention that it clashed with my child-rapist trousers.

I'm going to a University of Michigan basketball game tonight. I couldn't name you a single Michigan basketball player (is Chris Webber still on the team?) so I'm going to be that guy. At least I recognize it. I can't wait to stand up and yell "In the FACE!" when the horn sounds after the first half.

Is it wrong of me that I'm making my 6 year old save his money to buy the Wii? It's really going to be just for me.

I disagree with Brian's opinion on Jewel. She should never have gotten her teeth "fixed". I kinda dug the snaggle-tooth look. Plus, back then she was the girl who was living out of a van and homeless girls are cool. Remember that homeless girl that Zach met at the mall when Screech was supposed to be buying U2 tickets? She was hot.

I don't like that pistachio ice cream is the same color as mint ice cream. I will never just assume green = mint ever again.

I always found it annoying that some bubblegum comes in "bubblegum" flavor. Can they really get away with that? The bubblegum industry is the only example I could think of that does this. Would we accept if they started calling Original Pringles "potato flavored"?

Does petroleum jelly come in that giant tub so blind guys will be able to find it easier?

I applaud the people who recognized the necessity to make sure Vaseline had a top that pops off, while the Vicks Vapor Rub has a twist-off cap.

Watching "The Real World" is exactly like watching monkeys at the zoo. They're put in this faux "real-life" habitat so we can observe them fight, chase, get it on and throw crap at each other. Ok... maybe not exactly. But close.

According to Google, I'm the first person to ever use the phrase "child-rapist trousers". I'm a little weirded out though that Google asked me if I actually meant "date rape dungarees".

2 comments:

  1. Me Says:

    My favorite kind of gum is bubble gum flavored. I hate that it is called that. I would prefer to call it "Original." But I don't even know if that's right either.

    I understand what you are saying about the ice cream. I've had a similar problem with jelly belly's. There is nothing worse than biting into what you think is apple, and it turns out to be jalapeno.

    I'm curious as to what inspired the petroleum jelly comments. Especially after mentioning child-rapist trousers. It is rather disturbing...

  2. Brian Says:

    Now that I think about it, almost all of Zack’s girlfriends had something unique about them. He had the homeless girl, the girl in a wheelchair, the ugly girl from the auction, the single mom from Hawaii, the female wrestler, the sexy cousin of Screech, the college girl, the rock star (Stevie). Zack was a dating Renaissance Man.