1 Happy St

- I could never have a cool name like Alexander the Great because I’m not all that great and "Brian the Eh" just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

- Speaking of Alexander the Great, do you think he still would have become famous if his parents would have named him Alexander the Good? Somehow I doubt it.

- I substituted dinner yesterday for a Dove ice cream bar, and I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about it. I’m all for maintaining good health, but what’s the point if your life sucks as a result?

- In the game where Bump Bailey crashes through the wall, Pop Fisher should have started Bump in RF and put Roy Hobbs in LF. He should have figured that Roy was his 2nd best player and it’s silly to sit your 2nd best player just because your best player plays the same position. Pop was right, he shoulda been a farmer.

- I think it’s unfair when People Magazine puts some actor’s wife that we don’t know up against an A-Lister like Beyonce or Reese on the "Who wore it better?" page. Like that vote could ever be unbiased. The poor wife has no chance.

- "I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m just here to be positive." If I’m ever put on the stand and forced to defend myself in court, I’m totally using this.

- I just realized last week that I’ve been filling out my checking deposit slips incorrectly for like 10 years. Nobody ever told me.

- Is it possible that the QB from Ohio State was simply trying to imitate Shane Falco’s famed Sugar Bowl game? Is it possible that anyone will get this reference?

- I think the glue on the back of a Post-It should be stronger.

- We try to get clever by buying the banana’s when they’re still green, but who are we kidding? One or two of them are still going to rot.

And since I have nothing left to add, I will leave you with this: Check baby check baby one two three four, check baby check baby one two three, check baby check baby one two, check baby check baby one. It's Teddy, ready with the one-two checker, Wreckx-N-Effect is in effect but I'm the wrecker. Thankfully, that's all I remember. But hopefully, it's enough to get it stuck in your head. Oh, and by the way, all I wanna do is do my zoom zoom zoom and a poom-poom!