1 Happy St

- I think pixie sticks would have been more popular if their wrapper would have been made of plastic instead of paper. Then again, it probably would have cost more.

- Whenever we see a celebrity in person, a typical reaction is to tell them that they were great in one of their movies. But we usually mention one of their good movies. The next time I see a celebrity, I'm going to try and reference a movie that they were in that was a huge piece of crap. Like if I ever see Edward Norton, I’m totally telling him that I loved him in Death to Smoochy.

- I tried a variation of that once by telling Kevin Nealon that I loved him in a movie he wasn't even in. I saw him at a comedy club and he was shaking hands with some fans and I went up to him and said "I loved you in Wall Street". Even now I’m not sure why I said that. Maybe it’s because he’s never been in anything good.

- I definately think that the words “definite” and “alternate” should have alternite spellings. Sometimes it’s hard for me to seperate between the two. Regardless, I don’t think I should be penilized for it.

- Microsoft Word would be going crazy with the red squiggly lines right now.

- Just once, I’d like to see the instructions of something I’m putting together include a step like this: Step 7 - Use a 1″ drill bit to widen the hole for the bolt we gave you because there’s no way that bolt is going to fit in there. We would have made the hole the correct size, but that would have been too easy and then what would have become of this particular step? If you do not have a 1″ drill bit, and let’s face it, why would you, stick a steak knife in there and spin it around in circles until you’ve made the hole wide enough, or until you’ve ruined your steak knife (whichever comes first). Is that too much to ask? Just give me something to laugh about before I break the sonofabitch.

- And on that note, please remember that it’s not what you wear, it’s where you are when you’re wearing it.