Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Memorandum - Proper Staple Procedure

The following is the only acceptable format for stapling documents. Do not deviate from the rules put forth in this memo.

Proper Staple Procedure
Regardless of page orientation, portrait or landscape, all staples are to be placed in the upper left corner of the materials. Upper left. All staples are to be placed horizontally with no more than 1 cm of space between the staple and either side of the page (fig. 1).

fig. 1














Diagonally or vertically placed staples are forbidden and usage of either technique is grounds for dismissal (fig. 2, fig. 3, fig. 4). The staple is no place for creativity. Express yourself on your own time and leave the staple out of your need for self-expression.

fig. 2














fig. 3














fig. 4














Under no cirumstances are multiple staples permitted (fig. 5). This practice is also referred to as a 'staple orgy'. In the event that a single staple will not fully puncture every page in the document, your document is too large. Consider removing superfluous graphs, charts, images, text, etc. to reduce the number of pages to a more managable size. A single staple should suffice. Never use a staple orgy.

fig. 5














In the event that a twisted, bent or mutilated staple becomes affixed to your document, remove damaged staple, destroy document and reprint.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

4 comments:

  1. maygan Says:

    So my usual method of stapling a large number of papers, once on the front and once on the back isn't kosher?

  2. Brian Says:

    Were any of you taught the no-staple method? You fold the upper-left corner into a small triangle, then make two small tears in the fold, then fold the tears over on top of the triangle. It kind of worked.

    Substitute teacher Mrs. Bode taught me that. Turns out she WAS good for something besides just being a "B".

  3. Anonymous Says:

    This is a horrible way of stapling.... when you do it horizontal and fold the pages back they tend to rip off or holes form in the paper. If you staple diagonally you prevent this.

  4. Joshua Says:

    Ridiculous! The staple should be placed at the same angle as the natural fold of the paper.

    A 8.5 x 11" piece of paper has a width to height ratio of 0.77272. Taking the inverse sine of this ratio we find the optimal staple angle to be 50.599°.