1 Happy St

Sometimes I’ll be driving home from work in the evening and I’ll hear an old song on the radio that I’ll try to sing along to, but there will be a common lyric that I can’t quite make out. Then I’ll spend the next few minutes going over it in my head. Big old Jed left the light on, don’t carry me too far away. Those can’t really be the words, can they? And then the song will end and I’ll think to myself that I should really do a Google search on the lyrics when I get home because that song is old and there’s no reason for me to continue singing it incorrectly. Plus it could get real dicey in a social situation. Like I could be at a bar one night and that song could come on and without even noticing it, I could start singing it out loud and someone would be all like "Dude, you’re an idiot, those aren’t the words." And I’d be all like "quit calling me Dude". And they’d be all like "whatever Dude, you’re still an idiot". And I don’t need all that drama. I just want to have a beer and play darts.

Of course, by the time I get home, I will have completely forgotten that just 10 or 15 minutes earlier while I was in my car, I was telling myself to remember to do that Google search. Instead, I’ll get inside and take off my coat and I'll go into the kitchen and check out the mail that’s sitting on the counter. There won’t be anything good, just bills. Then I’ll ask Jill how her day was while we start preparing something for dinner. She’ll say it was okay but there was this guy who came in that she had to x-ray that had his hand crushed while he was on a job site by a 1000 pound beam and he was screaming in pain and it was awful. Or something like that. I’m sure I won’t be paying all that much attention. After dinner, maybe I’ll sit down and watch The Hills. I mean a movie or a sporting event or something. Definitely not The Hills. And then a few hours will go by and right before bed I’ll log in to check my email, yet I still won’t remember to do that Google search.

So then like a week or so later I’ll be in the car again, but this time I’ll be on my way to work. I’ll be listening to the radio again, but I’ll turn off Mike and Mike because they’re talking about college football and college football is lame. So instead I’ll turn on a music station and there it will be. Big old Jed left the light on, don’t carry me too far away. Son of a bitch. A week ago I was supposed to do a Google search on this busted song so I’d stop singing the lyrics wrong.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to remember to do it when I get into work.

[Editor's note: an email from Conti has caused me to regret my decision to go with the Steve Miller song. I guess it's still good, but "wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night" would have been funnier. Oh well. Can't win 'em all]