Monday, March 24, 2008

A handful of jokes to get you through your Monday

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Sh##"

h/t Daniel

Now for a few groaners:

- A proton walks into a bar and says "I'll take a beer." The bartender says "are you sure?" and the proton says "I'm positive."

- Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says "hey get out of here. I don't serve breakfast."

- A neutron walks into a bar and says "how much for a beer?" The bartender says "for you? no charge."

- A 3-legged dog walks into a bar in the old west and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

And finally........

A man is about to get married. He's at his future in-law's house days before the wedding. He finds himself alone in the house with his future sister-in-law (of course), who is younger than his bride-to-be (of course) and has all of the physical qualities that are important to the superficial man. She says to him, "I'm about to go upstairs to my room. Follow me up there and I'll give you a little something to enjoy before you get married." His jaw drops as he watches her go up the stairs. She turns around just long enough to give him a wink. Just then, the man takes off running in the opposite direction and bursts through the back door. Outside, all of his future in-laws are there, clapping and cheering. "Congrats, you passed the test," they all say. His future bride is there too and she has tears in her eye. "Sorry to have to do this to you," she says. "But we just had to be sure that you'd never compromise our relationship." The man had done good. He passed the test.

What's the moral of the story?

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Happy Monday!!!!!

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1 comments:

  1. mj Says:

    have you ever heard the term jump the shrak?