1 Happy St

I had a dream last night that I was conducting a Google search of Roger Ebert movie reviews. The odd thing though was that my searches were coming back with all of the information I was looking for. I think I may know way too much about Roger Ebert.

Don’t people realize that they can delete the "is" when changing their Facebook status? Brian is you’re an idiot.

Jill likes to set all of her clocks ahead by 4 or 5 minutes. She says it helps her to be on time for things. I’ve tried to convince her of the irony in that, but she’s sticking with it.

Congratulations Gina and Joe on your New Years Eve wedding. I had you both figured wrong. And if you don’t know why I’m bringing this up, click the label below and start from the beginning. Or don’t.

If you are part of a household that goes through milk pretty quickly, it should be your civic duty to buy the gallon with the closest expiration date to the current date while saving the newer gallons for us folks who take longer.

Requiring us to mix 2-cycle oil instead of using straight gasoline to operate a friggin’ snow blower is a scam that even Charlie Ponzi would be proud of.

I like going to the gym at the beginning of January to watch all the newbies trying equipment for the first time. Mr. Regan, you wanna get out of that painters scaffolding?

If I was ever a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, I just know there’d be a puzzle with a well-known phrase that everyone in the world has heard of except me, causing me to buy another vowel as the audience groaned. That kind of public embarrassment isn’t worth the potential for a few thousand dollars. Uh, I’d like to solve the puzzle: that’s the way the bookie stumbles.

And on that note, remember that opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got one and if they didn’t, it’d be tough to talk shit. Yeah you can use it.