Monday, November 12, 2007

If I had a Million Bloglets

If I owned a monkey, I think I'd have to start drinking coffee just so he'd have something to grind.

How come when I go to some restaurants and order a hamburger, they ask me if I want cheese on it? Look, guy in Wendy's hat! Cheeseburgers have been around for quite a while. If I wanted a cheeseburger, I would have asked for a cheeseburger! If I order a chili, you don't ask me if I want it on a hot dog! That's a chili dog! I mean what I say and I say what I mean! So chop chop, fancy hat!

Sorry about that. I needed to rant.

I think "able to use product without vomiting" is more important than "product actually works", which is why I use Scope instead of Listerine.

My wife and I have a living will in which she specified that she doesn't wish to be kept alive by any artificial means, so I don't know why she was so upset when she fell off that boat and I didn't throw her a life jacket.

I think the expression "shit hit the fan" is the perfect definition of a gross exaggeration.

Labels: , , , |


  1. Maygan Says:

    That was seriously brilliant. :)

    I think the life jacket mix-up is excusable, but note to Brian: this wouldn't be the right time to bust out the "my bad".