Thursday, November 08, 2007

Extreme Makeover: Biodome Edition

Hi everyone! Greg here. Remember me? I trust Brian has kept everyone up to date on my bio-dome project. It's been an amazing experience. The last bio-domers left the place a total wreck. I was thinking about calling in a favor from Ty Pennington. He still owes me from getting him off sugar.

What is it with that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition show, anyway? Every time I watch it, I feel like I've been emotionally raped. I finally had to stop watching all together because no 7 year old boy wants to see his dad bawling over interior design.

I still don't understand the show. Every episode is basically Ty telling people, "I know nothing is going to bring your dad and your husband back...but maybe this flat panel TV will help."

The worst ones are the ones about sick kids. "As you all sit in this brand new house waiting for little Timmy to finally kick off, you can at least sit in the comfort of your new indoor hot tub!"

Another thing that bothers me is how they do these theme rooms for the kids. They act like they know the kids so well and then they pick one little nugget and that's the kid's identity, as if being into skateboarding means I want to sleep teetering on top of a half pipe in my effing room. "Well I really got to know Betsy in the minute and a half it took us to walk her out to the limo and I noticed that she was wearing shoes when outside.... so her whole room is going to be floored with recycled sneakers and her night stands are going to be shaped like Mary Janes."

There is something especially creepy about how they just destroy all the houses too, as if the old house has no memories. "Do you know what will make the hurt of your mom dying go away? An army of blue shirted immigrants destroying the house she used to take such painstaking care of... And here's a video clip to watch at Disney World of all these strangers taking chainsaws to the couch where mom and dad conceived dead Billy."

If they do anything to preserve the old house, it usually comes off as a little forced and awkward. "Tina, I know you've had it the worst when you found out that your dad was killed in Iraq and then you set your family's house on fire while burning a candle in his memory, so yours was my secret room... check out all those new picture frames! I made them myself from the charred remains of your home!"

Frigging Ty Pennington.

At any rate, the bio-dome project is just about finishing up so I should be around a little more often. Thanks for holding down the fort, Brian!

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3 comments:

  1. Maygan Says:

    That was worth the wait! :)

    I know if I were one of the kids on the show, they'd say something like, "She has bangs. I bet she loves them. Fringe everywhere!"

    Can you imagine that room? Yikes.

  2. Erin Says:

    You hit everything I think about that show, though I still watch it and cry every time.

    The worst was one recently about an 8 year old girl whose cancer just came back and Ty says to her, "How did you feel when you found out the cancer was back?"

    "How do you think I felt, you dip shit!" I would have said.

    But it's part of the show to make the people cry a lot so everyone realizes that now that they have a new house with themed rooms everything will be ok.

    At least they figured out that they had to pay the mortgage -- maybe they'll start cutting them a check for the property taxes one of these seasons.

  3. David Says:

    Walking through the room while my kids are watching XMHE almost puts me in a coma. Priceless, Greg, priceless!