1 Happy St

- I don’t know anything about country music. But if What’s-her-name’s reaction at the CMA’s starts a feud between a couple of hot blondes, I’m all for it.

- You know you’re married when one of you utters the words "can you set the alarm for tomorrow, I want to get a jump start on raking those leaves."

- Another sign that you’re married: you find yourself walking the halls of Home Depot, but it’s 9am on a Sunday.

- Why do the folks that make cheese-in-a-can advertise that their product is "made with real cheese"? What else could it be made with? You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know.

- Now that Reese kicked Ryan to the curb, and Britney gave Fed-Ex his walking papers, I think the next celebrity breakup will be Patrick Dempsey and his wife. Nobody goes from Ronald Miller to Dr. McDreamy without a considerable upgrade in the spouse category. If Mrs. Dempsey were smart, she’d maintain permanent residence at his trailer.

- I can't wait for the Bears to lose next weekend so that they can be overrated again.

- I’ve been harsh on the E! Channel for its awful programming, but I finally stumbled onto something that they got right. Putting the Carter’s on television may be the best idea since HBO canceled Arliss. I don’t care that most of it looks staged. That family is still nuts.

- Does anyone know what extra virgin olive oil does? Every recipe calls for it, but would I be asking for trouble if I just used regular virgin olive oil?

- All of the other reindeer used to laugh at poor Rudolph and never let him play any of their games. All it took was Santa asking Rudolph to guide his sleigh, then all of the other reindeer quickly changed their minds and started to love him. Sounds kinda shady to me. If I was Rudolph, I would have told all the other reindeer to go piss off.

- Anyone who names their son "Damien" or their dog "Cujo" is just asking for trouble.

- I saw "Borat" on Friday night. If you’re looking to laugh hysterically for 90 minutes, you’re a guy, and nothing offends you, do yourself a favor and see it immediately. If you’re not looking to laugh hysterically, you’re a woman, or are offended easily, avoid this movie at all costs. Oh, and if you’re a drunken frat boy in an RV and you pick up a foreign hitchhiker, do yourself a favor and don’t speak.