1 Happy St

You ever want to feel really old? Watch a music awards show. I had no idea what was going on most of the time, I hadn't heard of half the acts, and of the one's I was familiar with, they had me completely confused. I guess there's a reason people like me aren't allowed on MTV anymore.

- There was a line in the beginning of Beyonce’s song that sounded like she said “If I farted, please don't touch”. I kept rewinding, and every time I heard the same thing. Even now I don’t know what the line really was, but if she really said "If I farted”, I am totally buying that CD. (Editor's note: the line is actually "If I bought it", but Brian maintains that is still sounds like "If I farted". Skip to the 41 second mark of this video to see for yourself)

- If there’s a difference between The Pussycat Dolls and a handful of strippers, could you please tell me what that is?

- The Pussycat Doll on the left tripped over her stripper stool during her stage performance. It was beautiful. It looked like they put that routine together an hour before the show.

- I like that song by Jay-Z. It's catchy and fun. The music industry without him was like the NBA without Jordan in the mid-90's. We're all better off with him around. Although according to Don, Jay-Z coming back is like Jordan returning to the NBA, but on the Wizards. He may have a point.

- Gwen Stefani’s performance made no sense to me whatsoever. I’d tell you more about it, but my eyes and ears were bleeding the whole time.

- Do you think John Mayer looks around some times and thinks to himself, "these are my peers?"

- The reason I could never be the producer of a show like this: I’d focus the camera on Snoop Dogg for the duration of Barry Manilow’s performance, and I’d focus the camera on Barry Manilow for the duration of Snoop Dogg’s performance.