Thursday, November 16, 2006
Spoilers
by Greg at 5:14 PM
Jack dies of hypothermia.
Jenny dies and so does Momma.
Jesus dies but then lives again.
Malcolm was dead all along.
Norman had his dead mother in his basement.
Private Ryan lives.
Dorothy makes it back to Kansas.
ET makes it home.
Marty makes it back to 1985.
Clarence gets his wings.
James Bond gets the girl.
Rod Tidwell gets the money.
Ray Kinsella plays catch with his dad.
Roy Hobbs plays catch with his son.
Indiana Jones finds the Ark.
And the Holy Grail.
The Von Trapp family escapes to Switzerland.
Andy escapes Shawshank.
The Planet of the Apes is just Earth many years later.
Seabiscuit wins.
So does Daniel LaRusso.
The Cleveland Indians suck at first but then they win in the end... twice.
Rockford loses to Racine in the World Series.
John Nash wins a Nobel Prize.
Charlie wins the chocolate factory.
Rocky wins. Then loses. Then wins. Then Apollo dies and Rocky goes to Russia and wins again. Then he becomes an arm wrestling truck driver. Or something like that.
Rudy gets to play.
So do the Bears.
Frodo destroys the ring.
They find Nemo.
They shoot Old Yeller.
Princess Fiona becomes an ogre.
The Beast becomes a human.
Darth Vader is Luke's father.
Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.
Neo is the one.
Soylent Green is people!
Rhett leaves Scarlett.
Rosebud was a sled.
Rosebud was a sled? Thanks for ruining my life. There's nothing left for me now.
Who is Malcolm?
Ilsa gets on the plane with Lazlo. Rick stays in Casablanca.
The falcon is fake and O'Shaunessy killed Miles.
Dr. Malcolm Crowe was Bruce Willis' character in The Sixth Sense.
Lisa Douglas runs off with Mr. Haney back to Hungary and Mr. Douglas shacks up with Arnold Ziffel.
They sell the TV station,a ns the new owner fires everbody but Ted!
an s = and
Just once, Id like to leave a typo-less comment.
Brian helps rival Gale overcome an injury then dies.
A very handsome, articulate, and clean African-American is coming to dinner (no, it's not Senator Obama).
Baby Jane got old and weird and embittered.
Rainman is Raymond but he can't emotionally connect with his autistic brother so he sends him back to Cincinnatti.
The chick in The Crying Game is a dude.
Book: Lauren Bacall's sister(CarmenSternwood)killed Rusty.
Movie: Eddie Mars killed Rusty.
Book and movie: nobody ever figures out, or even cares, who killed OwenTaylor. Allreaders and viewers get very confused.
I think I did it!
Nope! did it again!
NOTE: This entry was from November. Click "Home" on this page to view the newer stuff, or take a peek at our archives.
Bob wakes up next to Emily in Chicago and realizes that owning an inn in New England with Joanna was just a dream.
Gondorff and Hooker just pretend to be dead; the FBI guy is in on the Sting.
Quint, Hooper and the Shark die; Brody lives.
Sullivan pumps Costello full of hot lead, Barrigan shoots Costigan in the face, and then shoots Brown in the head, Sullivan shoots Barrigan in the head, Sullivan buys bagels goes home and gets shot in the face by Dignam.
She has a penis
Tyler Durden is the split personality of the Narrator
Hooper is alive at the end of Jaws. He and Brody paddle back to land.
uh...Stanley gets Dith Pran out of Cambodia to the tune of "Imagine", finally. (but he thinks about it to the tune of "Nessun dormo")
>A very handsome, articulate, and >clean African-American is coming >to dinner (no, it's not Senator >Obama).\
Unless you're a bad 2006 remake caled "Guess Who?" in which an inarticulate, not-so-bright (don't they all fit that discription?) white boy is coming to dine with an articulate, very clean black family.
All the kids in the class fall in love with Sir, by the way, as long as we're talking about Sydney Poitier.
The Cossacks march down the Odessa steps, shooting women and children and knocking a baby carriage down the steps in a brilliant memorial of a tragedy that never happened. Great piece of film though...whenever you see steps, especially with a baby carriage, it's homage to this.
I: Qui-Gonn dies, the Gungans win, Anakin will train the boy
II: Amidala's preggers, Anakin finds mom, Clone war
III: Dooku dies, Greivous dies, Anakin goes dark side, gets cool black suit, Amidala has twins, then dies
IV: Luke kisses Leia, they escape Death Star, Luke blows up death Star
V: Vader is Luke's father, Han's frozen
VI: Han's thawed, Jabba dies, Luek saves Dad, DSII blown up, Ewoks dance
I doubt any of these are actually spoilers at this point in history, but hey...
Ripley kills the alien.
Terry tells the truth.
"Sullivan pumps Costello full of hot lead, Barrigan shoots Costigan in the face, and then shoots Brown in the head, Sullivan shoots Barrigan in the head, Sullivan buys bagels goes home and gets shot in the face by Dignam."
You forgot the rat running across the ledge.
Ted keeps the kid.
Who is John Galt? He's the inventor with whom Dagny Taggert falls in love.
She kills Bill.
not at first.
Tyler Durgan isnt Real
Tyler Durgan? You f'ing idiot..
Sonny doesn't keep Julian, but he gets that blonde chick knocked up, and his roommate keeps Julian.
And Nicky stays on Earth and ends up with the ugly girl and Adrian and Cassius die.
Tom Ripley kills all his friends.
Laurie Strode doesn't get killed.
Hannibal Lecter gets away.
Clarice kills Buffalo Bill.
Silent Hill- they never make it out of silent hill
Marley and Me- Marley dies
27 Dresses- She gets married
Mean Girls: All their problems get resolved
Black Swan- Lily didn't actually go down on Nina. Nina killed herself.
Jack, Ben, and Hurley stay on the island.
He becomes a Na'vi.
Morty buries them in the garden and grows corn on them.
They find Doug.