1 Happy St

You know what really grinds my gears? When Major League Baseball teams feel the need to have pre-pubescent boys do public address announcing for an inning. I've heard it all around the league. It's already a fad. It will only be a matter of time before it's a craze. Then, before you know it, it will be an epidemic.

For anyone who has been lucky enough not to notice what I'm talking about yet, MLB franchises have inexplicably begun turning the PA mic over to a "lucky kid" for one inning. Sure, its a great experience for the kid but the rest of us are forced to listen to this 8 year old mispronounce the name "Aurelia" in a pitch so high that only Daryl Hannah can understand.

I can't for the life of me comprehend what the marketing directors from (seemingly) every baseball team are thinking. Is there anyone who scans their pocket schedule for "Bleed From the Ears Night"? I can't imagine that this is a part of the game that anyone looks forward to (except or course Timmy and Timmy's mom).

I've come up with a short list of other things we can do to put the kids to work besides assaulting our eardrums. Let me know what you think.

• Shag balls during batting practice
• Challenge various opposing pitchers to milk-drinking contests
• Catch squirrels
• Reload the fireworks after homeruns
• Teach Michael Barrett how to punch
  
• Three words: "Hey, beer kid!"