1 Happy St

Seven or eight years ago, I came up with 3 personal rules about movies I'd be willing to see.

1. It couldn't be about mummies
2. It couldn't be about vampires
3. It couldn't have Chris Klein in it

That 3rd rule was me just trying to be funny (and failing again). But those other two rules I still take seriously to this day. Stories about mummies or vampires are uninteresting to me. It's like being a Cubs fan; I understand that there are people who root for the Cubs, but I'm not going to pretend that I understand why. I'd just assume let other people watch while I stay out of the way. I know mummy and vampire movies exist even though I'd rather they didn't. But if someone else wants to be a fan, that's their problem and doesn't concern me.

But this influx of vampire bullshit recently is starting to concern me (First with True Blood on HBO and now with this movie Twilight). Someone asked me yesterday if I was looking forward to seeing "Twilight". The look this guy gave me when I responded with "what's Twilight?" reminded me of the look I give to people when they tell me they're fans of Dane Cook; a mixture of confusion and shock with just a hint of anger. I felt like Jon Favreau's clown character in Seinfeld when he said he didn't know who Bozo was.

Me: "What is it some kind of movie?"
Him: "Some kind of movie? Twilight is THE movie. Twilight the movie, that's what it's called."
Me: "So I don't know what Twilight is, big deal. You're hung up on some movie from the 60's man."

Okay, so now I know. It's a busted vampire movie starring Robert something-or-other. It's a movie I'd never see based on a book I'd never read.

Good, great, grand.

Fucking vampires.