Thursday, November 20, 2008

If Twilight had Chris Klein in it, I'd picket outside the theater

Seven or eight years ago, I came up with 3 personal rules about movies I'd be willing to see.

1. It couldn't be about mummies
2. It couldn't be about vampires
3. It couldn't have Chris Klein in it

That 3rd rule was me just trying to be funny (and failing again). But those other two rules I still take seriously to this day. Stories about mummies or vampires are uninteresting to me. It's like being a Cubs fan; I understand that there are people who root for the Cubs, but I'm not going to pretend that I understand why. I'd just assume let other people watch while I stay out of the way. I know mummy and vampire movies exist even though I'd rather they didn't. But if someone else wants to be a fan, that's their problem and doesn't concern me.

But this influx of vampire bullshit recently is starting to concern me (First with True Blood on HBO and now with this movie Twilight). Someone asked me yesterday if I was looking forward to seeing "Twilight". The look this guy gave me when I responded with "what's Twilight?" reminded me of the look I give to people when they tell me they're fans of Dane Cook; a mixture of confusion and shock with just a hint of anger. I felt like Jon Favreau's clown character in Seinfeld when he said he didn't know who Bozo was.

Me: "What is it some kind of movie?"
Him: "Some kind of movie? Twilight is THE movie. Twilight the movie, that's what it's called."
Me: "So I don't know what Twilight is, big deal. You're hung up on some movie from the 60's man."

Okay, so now I know. It's a busted vampire movie starring Robert something-or-other. It's a movie I'd never see based on a book I'd never read.

Good, great, grand.

Fucking vampires.

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5 comments:

  1. Erin Says:

    I do occassionally like vampire movies, but there is nothing I hate more than current teeny bopper girly-boy stars like that one guy in this movie.

    Also, the first time I saw that girl she was in a Lifetime made for TV movie called Speak. Here's the description: After a blurred trauma over the summer, Melinda enters high school a selective mute. Struggling with school, friends, and family, she tells the dark tale of her experiences, and why she has chosen not to speak.

    Yeah.

  2. Jane Says:

    Wonderful. You forgot wonderful.

  3. Brian Says:

    No yelling on the bus!

  4. Jerms Says:

    i didn't hear anything about this until i got home on friday then it was EVERYWHERE! i put a comment on facebook saying WTF is Twilight and got like 20 responses... this is just goddam ridiculous.

    i am convinced people only like it now because they want to be the ones to say "i liked it first" if and when it becomes the next harry potter.

    well guess what kids THIS AIN'T FUCKING HARRY POTTER IT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP!

    i award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.

  5. kelcymarie Says:

    Love it ... thanks for sharing. This is one matter in which I will not back my home city/state/high school. He is just ridiculous.