1 Happy St

- I can't wait until baseball is over. I mean it's okay, but I'd much rather watch football. I was glad when Eli won last year. Or was that his brother?

My inner thoughts: It was the Giants, actually.

- Portillo's makes a great chopped salad, but Panera makes a salad that's even better. I can't remember the name of it. When you go there, can you call me and read off the menu?

- I know they say we should eat 3 meals a day, but you can't tell me you won't gain weight doing that. I stick to 2 meals. If I eat 3, I feel fat all week.

- I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I'd like to lose 5 pounds. That's all I want. Just 5 pounds.

- (Talking to me now) What do you think? 5 pounds? How would I look?

Me: Are you serious? I really don't know. You'd look good. I mean you look fine now. I don't know.

- She is such a bitch. Pardon my language. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But her boyfriend comes in here like every night and just sits there, and she lets him. She's gonna end up getting fired. I'm surprised she hasn't yet. Jenny told me that she called in on Monday and left her hanging by herself all night.

- (Talking to me again) Did you want me to thin your eyebrows?

Me: My eyebrows? Um, no.

- (To me again) Some guys get it.

Me: Not this guy.

My inner-thoughts: Wait, what's wrong with my eyebrows?
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There were more but I can't remember them. It was awful. Worst haircutting experience of my life, and sports were showing at the time.

It may be a while before I make my way back in there.