Wednesday, September 10, 2008

One long random about ewers

What would it be like to be rich? I'm not talking about being a fringe millionaire. I'm talking about having hundreds of millions or even billions of dollars. What would that be like? Would I spend a lot of time contemplating pointless purchases like this one? The headline in that article says it all: Rare Islamic ewer expected to fetch over $5 million.

An ewer? What the hell is an ewer? Even after I read the article, I wasn't sure what it was. I figured I should probably look it up because what if someone brought it up to me later today and was like "hey did you see that ewer for sale for 5 mil?" and I'd be all "yes I did, but what exactly is an ewer?" and they'd be all "what's an ewer? are you serious?" and I'd be all "of course I'm not serious, I know what an ewer is. What do you think I am, some kind of moron?" and they'd be all "okay then, what is it?" Don't you just hate people who call you out like that? So I looked it up; the best I can tell is that it's some kind of pitcher. Like to pour things.

I doubt that the person who ends up paying $5 million for this one will use it for Kool-Aid though. But wouldn't that be awesome if they did? I'd love to have something like that just sitting in my house. I'd put it in my living room on top of a stereo speaker or something. People would come over and they'd look at it and be all "what the hell is that?" and I'd be all "oh, that's my ewer" and they'd be all "what's an ewer?" and I'd be all "I know, right? I didn't know either". And then I'd tell them that I paid $5 million for it. Yeah I took out a ridiculous loan. Then they'd ask me what the point of that was since everything I own put together isn't worth 1/10th that much and I'd say "Because I wanted to have this exact conversation".

Plus I needed something for on top of my stereo speaker and I'm sick of Pottery Barn.

Follow-up to this pointlessness: it's really hard to type the word "ewer". My fingers kept wanting to start with the "w". Try it out yourself. It's really hard.

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2 comments:

  1. Greg Says:

    This reminds me of the Dave Chapelle take on Cribs where he makes an omelette out of a dinosaur egg.

  2. Melissa Says:

    Oh look - Greg does exist.