Monday, July 14, 2008

Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars

On Saturday night (Sunday morning actually), I did the LATE ride through Chicago. LATE is an acronym, but I can't remember what it stands for, so we'll just take it at face value; it was pretty late; 1AM to be exact. Is there a rule against using consecutive semi-colon's?

The LATE ride is a charity bicycle ride through the streets of Chicago. It starts at Grant Park downtown, heads south a couple miles, then west a mile or so, then northwest all the way to Wisconsin (kidding, but it seemed like it while I was doing it), then east towards the lake, and finally back south along LSD. It's basically a 25-mile oval. The atmosphere for this thing is awesome; unlike anything I've ever done (except for the last time I did the LATE ride). Over 10,000 people line up on their bicycles in the middle of the night and ride through various streets of Chicago, each of which have been blocked off by police while angry club-goers and partiers honk their horns and wonder why traffic has stopped.

There's really only 2 types of people who are out on the streets of Chicago between 1am and 5am on a Sunday morning; people who are partying and cab drivers. But on this night, the partiers and cab drivers were joined by a huge group of people who were exercising for charity. It made for an interesting dynamic. Dialogue like this happened in the middle of the street:

Party people: "What the fuck is going on?!?!?!"
Cab driver: "Yes, what the fuck is this?!?!"
Bike Rider: "Get back in your car asshole. And be patient, there's 10,000 of us."

So the ride went on for 25 miles and it pretty much lasted all night. My group finished in 3.5 hours, so we were back at Grant Park in time to watch the sun rise. But the lasting memory I think I'm going to have is how bad my butt hurt afterwards (insert joke here). No seriously, insert the joke here. Fine:

My butt hasn't hurt this bad since college. You know, because of all the anal raping.

Okay so my punchline needs work. And the setup. But you get the idea. I have one recommendation if you ever plan on riding your bike for more than a mile or two: make sure you have a seat that's padded. I would have been just as well off if there was no seat at all.


  1. Chris Marx Says:

    Thats why i bought a pair of biking shorts just for the LATE ride - to prevent "saddle soreness". Too bad I missed the LATE ride when my back went out due to the anal raping that night. Just like college.

    ...nope, still not funny.

  2. Jane Says:

    A couple of my friends did that ride two summers ago, and said it was a lot of fun. I tried to get people to do it with me this year, but they all lame-d out. Maybe I will finally do it next year.

    p.s. Long After Twilight Ends

    p.p.s Next year, try riding your bike a couple of times before doing the LATE ride. It always hurts the first time, but it gets better each time. (Insert joke here.)

  3. Brian Says:

    Are you from Illinois? Why didn't I know that?

    re: p.s. - they're stretching it a bit.

    re: p.p.s. - well played, and that's what she said.

  4. Jane Says:

    No, I'm not. I have a lot of friends that live there though, and it's not that far away.

    re: re: p.s. - good point

    re: p.p.s. - no... actually, that's what HE said.

  5. Ridgeway Says:

    Jane, I tried your advice with Chris Marx--"It always hurts the first time, but it gets better each time."

    He doesn't believe me.