1 Happy St

Dear 40 Year Old Virgin,
I’m a male in my mid 20’s and have been having relationship problems with women. I’m thinking of just going celibate. What do you think?
-Confused

Dear Confused,
I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. There's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kind of want to get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm a gay guy now".


Dear 40 Year Old Virgin,
I was at a bar last weekend and there was this girl there that looked really nice, but I could never get the nerve to approach her. What could I have done?
-Pansy

Dear Pansy,
All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches."


Dear 40 Year Old Virgin,
I married a guy that I met a couple days ago, but haven’t told anyone. I’m especially nervous about what my Mom will think since we’re pretty close, and I’m afraid she’ll be devastated that I went through with this without her knowing. Do you think I should tell her?
-Moron

Dear Moron,
Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was "don't lie." And that was a smart movie.