1 Happy St

Via here: Drew Peterson is engaged to a 23-year-old woman, CBS-Ch.2 is reporting this morning. His publicist has confirmed the engagement happened a few days ago, the station said. Her name has not been disclosed. Peterson is a suspect in the death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio, and implicated in the disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy, to whom he is still married.

Women are insane. Yes, I'm impugning all of them. If this can happen again, every woman is responsible.

This morning I wrote this: A woman was brutally attacked at an ATM by a knife-wielding man because her car has a John McCain bumper sticker (this was so crazy it almost sounds fake).

This afternoon I read this: Police sources tell KDKA that a campaign worker has now confessed to making up a story that a mugger attacked her and cut the letter "B" in her face after seeing her McCain bumper sticker.

I'm beginning to hate life.

Have either Greg or I mentioned the Cedric Benson story yet? We haven't? Wow, that seems like it would have been a no-brainer. Maybe it was too easy. Eh, I'm doing it now anyway.

I won't bore you with the details if you haven't read them already. If you're really all that interested, you can find details of the story all over the internet. But what came out today was precious. I saw the headline, "Friend sought help for Benson", and my first thought was 'this is gonna be lame'. But I read it anyway. You can read the whole thing here. The best part though is the quote from the friend.

"I called my dad and told him, 'Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police on Lake Travis,' " said Elizabeth Cartwright, 22, a friend of Benson's from the University of Texas. "It's more what I heard than what I saw. I have never heard or seen Cedric that scared."

Isn't that the best? Let's count the number of problems with it.

1. "I called my dad and told him 'call 911'"
Uh, don't you have a phone in your hand? Why would you use a phone to call someone to ask them to use their phone to call 911?

2. "Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police....."
Your black friend? As in your non-white friend? Or your non-Asian friend? Or non-Mexican friend? What year is this?

3. "Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police....."
Hello 911? My daughter's black friend is getting beaten up by the police. Could you please send the police.....never mind. She's an idiot.

Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

By now I'm sure you heard about the 16-year-old girl who was invited to a house of her peers and then they beat the crap out of her (and videotaped it so that they could become internet sensations). It was a pretty big story yesterday, but if you missed it, you can read about it here. I should warn you though that reading about it may make you angry. And sad.

A portion of the released video has made its way to youtube and there's some interesting info that you can find within the comments. I'm not sayin' you should do anything with the info. I'm pretty much just sayin'.

h/t TBL

This story is already a day old, so there's a good chance you've read it already or seen it on the news. But if not, I'll recap as best I can. I'm still not even sure I understand all of it since the story itself asks as many questions as it answers, but here goes:

You know what? Never mind. I don't have the strength to type my own thoughts on this thing. Read it for yourself. The whole situation is insane.

Bonus to whomever knows the movie quote that inspired this blog title.

h/t Conti

So the other day, Jill got herself invited to a Tastefully Simple Party. If you're not familiar with what that is, it's basically where a woman will have a bunch of her girlfriends come to her house and try to get them to buy a bunch of crap they don't want. It's a Tupperware party where they peddle food instead of Tupperware.

What I can't bring myself to understand is why you women continue to do this to yourselves. Every time you come back from one of these "parties", I hear about how much it sucked, how expensive everything was, how the host was a "B", and how nobody wanted to buy anything so you felt guilty and bought a bunch of #### you didn't want. But then a month later, you're sending out invitations as a host for one of these scams yourself. Seriously, what am I missing here? Why do you continue to put yor friends through this nonsense? You'd never see a guy hand an invitation to another guy and say "hey, I'm having a cigar party. We'll get to try out some cigars and if you like them, there will be a catalog so you can buy some."

Hmm, on second thought.......