1 Happy St

Every year around this time, people will say things like "It just doesn't feel like Christmas yet to me" or "I'm just not in the spirit yet". I'm not sure what that means though. They complain that they used to be in the spirit all month, but I'm not buying it. If it's a yearly complaint, maybe they're just remembering it wrong on how it used to be.

Either way, I'm here to help. If this video doesn't get you in the spirit, nothing will (short of Cousin Eddie kidnapping your boss).

No need to thank me. Hearing you hum it later is thanks enough.

Do do do do DO, do do do do do.
Do do do do do, do do do do do.
Do do do do DO DO DO. Do do do do do.
Do do do do DO DO DO, do do do do do.

Do do do do DO, do do do-do do do do.
Do do do do do, do do do do do.
Do do do do DO DO DO, do do do do do.
Do do do do DO DO DO, do do do do do.

Do do do do do
(Do do do do do do do-do)
Do do do do do

Via here: John McCain and Barack Obama will be interviewed by [gulp] Chris Berman on Monday. Those interviews will air at halftime of the MNF game on ESPN and will "give both candidates a last major chance to appeal to Americans during a coveted spot on prime-time television."

Oy.

For fun, I am going to predict how those interviews will go based on fairly obvious and unfunny characterizations of all 3 guys. Why am I doing this? Hey don't ask questions. Here we go:

Chris: "I'm being joined now by John McCain and Abel and Barack Olabama Crimson Tide. Thanks for joining me Gentlemen."

McCain: "The pleasure is all mine, my friend."

Barack: "I'm a socialist."

Okay I gave up. I was going to do a whole thing there, but I ended up working through lunch today and I just didn't have time. I never even came up with anything for Obama to say, so I just went with 'I'm a socialist'. Whatev's. I debated even publishing this, but it's here, so I said screw it. Feel free to predict the rest of the conversation if you'd like and post it in the comments.

And since I don't want to leave you here empty-handed, click the play button on the youtube clip below for a totally underrated 1990's song that you're sure to enjoy.

Donald sent me that. It made me laugh. And posting it allows me to use a few labels that haven't been used in a while.

Remember the simpler times when you'd take your date for a walk on the beach and then stand on the edge of a cliff and sing to her in the breeze while wearing a gay white jacket tucked into your gay white pants? I miss those days.

Follow-up note from Brian: the 3:14 through 3:16 mark of this video may be the gayest thing ever filmed that didn't involve a man's penis entering a man's butt or a running race between Rocky and Apollo. Enjoy.

h/t The Donald (Yes, The Donald sent me this)

If I...wanna take a guy...home with me tonight...
It's none of your business

And she...wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend...
It's none of your business

Now you...shouldn't even get into who I'm givin' skins to...
It's none of your business

So don't...try to change my mind...I'll tell you one more time...
It's none of your business
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Truer words were never spoken.

This is a commercial for a Chevy dealer in Wisconsin. It must be all the raw footage because it's over 2 minutes long. But the fact that so many people were involved in the production of this thing makes me all giddy. It gets good at about the 1:07 mark. And by "good", I mean wickedly embarrassing (this poor girl). And by "wickedly embarrassing", I mean horribly fucking wickedly embarrassing while running out of adverbs and adjectives with a capital holy fuck retarded.

Watching this is kind of like watching a wedding reception with only white people. No, it's like a watching a wedding reception with only white people who are in their 30's and 40's and are all married and think they're still cool from back in their H.S. days but it turns out they're not anymore, if they ever were to begin with. No, it's like watching a wedding reception with only white people who are in their 30's and 40's and are all married and think they're still cool from back in their H.S. days but it turns out they're not anymore, if they ever were to begin with, but unfortunately, just days before the wedding, they all unknowingly participated in some kind of scientific experiment where they were subjected to dangerous levels of nerve gas. Yeah, it's like that.

Crazy white people and their nerve gas.

h/t EM

I really have no problem with them making a video for this song (as terrible as it is)... But why did they have to bring Abraham Lincoln into it? Let the poor guy rest in peace!

1-8-7-7-Kars-4-Kids,
K-A-R-S Kars 4 Kids.
1-8-7-7-Kars-4-Kids,
Donate your car today.

[repeat 7 or 8 times]

I thought about getting my mom flowers for Mother's Day this year, but i think she'll like this even more than roses.


Treat her right
Treat your mother right
Treat her right
Treat her right

Mother
There is no other
Like Mother
So treat Her right
Mother
I always Love Her
My Mother
So treat Her right, treat Her right


M is for the moan, and the miserable groan
from the pain that She felt when I was born

O is for the oven with it's burnin' heat
where She stood makin' sure I had something to eat

T is for the time that She stayed up at night
and took my temperature when I wasn't feelin' right

H is for the hard earned money She spent
to keep clothes on my back and try to pay da' rent

E is every wrinkle I put on Her face
and every worry that I caused when I stayed out late

The last letter R is that She taught me Respect
and for the room up in Heaven that I know She'll get

She's a Queen
Second to none
Take care of Mother
You only get one

I've been whistling "The Final Countdown" all morning and I'm not sure why. Let's see if it sticks with you.

It's the final countdown.
Do do do do, do do do do do, do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do, do do do do do do do DO do00000000.
The final countdown.

Or something like that.

It's been my observation that black people don't like being stereotyped.

This is a brilliant Family Guy clip.

I don't care much for her sister, but that Jamie Lynn Spears is quite the positive role model.

I'm hoping I never get a surprise visit by a jockey. He might be offended by my landscaping. Same goes for a gargoyle.

I've got no use for tinsel.

Or koalas.

I haven't seen one bell ringer this Christmas. My pocket is overflowing with pennies.

.....er I mean with $10s and $20s.

And finally, do any of our readers remember these videos? Anyone who ever watched The Bozo Show on WGN growing up will surely remember this...



or this...


or this...

Quick note: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation will be airing on TCM (DirecTV channel 256) on 12/18 at 11:30pm CT. If you miss it that night, it will be airing again back-to-back on TBS (DirecTV channel 247) on 12/22 at 7:00pm and 8:45pm CT. Set your DVR's if you won't be home.

And if that's not enough to get you in the Christmas spirit, try this:

I really can’t stay (Baby, it’s cold outside)
I’ve got to go away (Baby, it’s cold outside)
The evening has been (I’ve been hopin’ that you’d drop in)
So very nice (I’ll hold your hand, they’re just like ice)

My mother will start to worry (Hey beautiful, what’s your hurry)
And father will be pacing the floor (Listen to that fireplace roar)
So really, I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
Well, maybe just a half a drink more (Put some music on while I pour)

The neighbors might think (Baby, it’s bad out there)
Say, what’s in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I oughtta say no, no, no sir (You mind if I move in closer)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (And what’s the sense in hurting my pride)
I really can’t stay (Oh baby, don’t hold out)
Oh, but it’s cold outside

Red red wine you make me feel so fine
You keep me rocking all of the time

Ok, class. You've got all weekend to get this memorized!

...maybe 7 minutes..... too long!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Gummi bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventures that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi bears, do do do, do do do. They are the Gummi BEARS!