1 Happy St

Headline seen: Prognosis on [Kerry] Wood not good
You know, if he was a horse, he'd have been shot by now.

Okay, so Al Gore's house uses a lot of energy. Sure, that would make him a hypocrite, but does that make his message wrong?

And Mr. Gore, if what you say is true, I really don't think me changing out my lightbulbs is gonna fix it. Come to me when you have a real solution. I'd even be willing to pay higher utility bills.

You know what the best part of a 75 degree day in late March is? There's potential for 6 more months of this.

But seriously, guy with the lawnmower on Sunday morning, was that really necessary?

Why doesn't every Major League Baseball team play the same schedule? I understand the reasoning in football (it's only a 16 game schedule). But the baseball season is 162 games. I think that's more than enough time to make it even.

You can always tell when the service representative you're on the phone with either gets his phone monitored or is surveyed afterwards by the customer. For the record Shaun from Chrysler Roadside Assistance, you did an excellent job.

Have you ever noticed that baking soda is used for like 218 different things, none of which are baking?

"You know, you've been dressing a lot nicer since you got married" is not a compliment. Neither is "so, the wife's got you cooking now?"

"I still have a ways to go," said Sammy Sosa after making the Texas Rangers 40-man roster. "Just because I made the team doesn't mean I get to slow down. No way. And now that my HGH dealer got busted, I have to find a new one. So I'm not home free just yet."

Former Milwaukee Bucks head coach Terry Stotts spoke candidly about his recent firing from the team. "Most coaches won’t admit this," said Stotts. "But we want to get fired. Now I can sit at home, continue to get paid, and someone else will have to answer for that busted team. My only regret is this didn’t happen earlier in the season."

ESPN agreed this week to carry the USA Rock Paper Scissors League Championship this summer. Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood was invited, but declined the invitation. "It sounds fun," said Wood. "But I don’t want to injure my achilles."

Former Detroit Tigers outfielder Bobby Higginson said the feelings he had as he watched his former team competing in the World Series last October were bittersweet because he had to watch the games from home. "I was happy for the guys, but it was still bittersweet for me personally," said Higginson. "It seems that I was there for the bad times, but I missed out on the good. Then again, I was probably the main reason for the bad."

Chicago Bears defensive tackle Terry "Tank" Johnson was sentenced to 120 days in jail on Thursday for violating his probation in a 2005 weapons case. "I’m obviously disappointed in the ruling," said Tank. "Honestly, what does it say about our court system that a rich and famous man like me can’t get away with simple weapon and drug charges?"

Tim Hardaway is working on repairing his image after last month's radio interview in which he admitted to hating gay people. "Next time I'll keep in mind the cardinal sin of radio interviews," said Hardaway. "Never admit to hating gays out loud."

Former Reds manager Pete Rose admitted on ESPN Radio’s Dan Patrick Show earlier this week that he bet his team would win before every one of their games. "Yeah, I did," said Rose. "I’m a big jag-bag."

Well said Pete, well said.