1 Happy St

This creeped me out a little.

- I just had a slice of pineapple for the first time since I was in Hawaii back in October. I didn’t realize it until now, but Hawaii must have turned me into a pineapple snob because today’s pineapple really sucked.

- Remember when the Bears were beating the Saints in the NFC Championship game and all the players were smiling and dancing around and Lovie Smith was getting Gatorade dumped on him and the whole city of Chicago was planning a huge party? How long ago was that again?

- I’m worried about "24". It’s like the producers don’t even care what they make Jack do anymore. At this point, he could blow up a children’s hospital and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. I bet Bill Buchanan would even defend him for doing it.

- If you make a quick run to the store looking like you just woke up or you’re wearing sweatpants or something, what are the odds that you’ll see someone you know? 95%? Maybe 96?

- I hate that the movie theater makes me put my own butter on my popcorn now. For as much as it costs, the least they could do is continue handling that for me.

- If there’s a real possibility that having my cell phone turned on in a hospital can screw up a machine that is keeping someone alive, shouldn’t there be a better way to police that I actually turned it off rather than relying on the honor system?

- The first part that usually goes on all of my shirts is the left sleeve right at the elbow. Even now, I’m not sure what I do that makes that part of the shirt wear out first.

- This will probably be my last posting of the week. If it’s not, I’ll see you tomorrow. If it is, enjoy your weekend, don’t forget to fix your clocks, and try to enjoy the longer day.

Okay, so last night, I finally finished watching the Star Wars trilogy. You may recall that my journey started a little over a week ago when I noticed that Episode IV was scheduled to air on HBO. Having never seen any of the Star Wars movies, I tivo’d it just for fun. Then the next day, I set aside 150 minutes or so and watched it; I wasn’t particularly impressed. Then late last week, I saw that The Empire Strikes Back was scheduled to air, so I did the same thing. Ten minutes into this thing, I think I realized what all the fuss was about. Thirty minutes in and I was hooked. I know it. Who woulda thunk? So last night, HBO aired Return of the Jedi, and for 150 straight minutes, I was planted in front of the TV. No outside distractions like American Idol or Jill (just kidding Jill, you’re not a distraction). It was just me, my chair, a bottle of Gatorade, a Dove bar, and a box of Kleenex. I have a cold.

Today, I can officially say that I’m a fan. Not yet an expert, but I have no doubt that after a few more viewings (this is inevitable, and I DEFINITELY want to see Episode IV again), I will be one of those annoying people you hear debating things like "there’s no way Lando would have escaped the Death Star" or "those Imperial Walkers weren’t very economical".

In other words, today I am officially just a big dork like everyone else.

- I’m an Ellen fan. And I’m not ashamed of it. She makes me giggle. Loved the white shoes.

- Ways to shorten the Oscars: Forget about cutting off the speeches. Just cut out every category except Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress, Director, Screenplay, and Picture. I’d maybe include Best Song, but that’s it. Everything else is a waste of time and nobody cares.

- Last Sunday, I remember seeing a weatherman’s version of the 7-day forecast, which showed the following Saturday (2 days ago) to have a high in the 50’s. This morning, I was watching the news when that same weatherman’s updated 7-day forecast came on the screen. I immediately changed the channel.

- I wonder if Martin Scorsese has ever lost anything in those eyebrows, like his car keys or something.

- Saturday night, I was cleaning off a mixture of snow, rain, and sleet from my windshield after leaving a family party downtown. I remember thinking to myself, "why did I even go out tonight?" I lifted up the drivers-side wiper to clean underneath it and as I was doing that, it fell apart in my hand. Not good.

- I have a feeling that Will Ferrell could have simply sat there on stage for 4 minutes, not saying a word, and I still would have been laughing.

- For those of you that know me well, you know that I've made no secret of the fact that I had never seen Star Wars. Well I can't say that any longer. I saw that it was playing on HBO, so I tivo'd it and finally watched it Sunday afternoon. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. Pretty cool for 1977. But otherwise, eh. I guess at the very least, Spaceballs makes more sense to me now.

- It seems like Eddie Murphy is awfully self-conscious about "Pluto Nash".

- Reason #518 that I am officially getting old. I no longer get excited for "good packing snow".

- Was Clint Eastwood drunk, blind, or can he not read?

- Reason #1 that I may not be as old as I think. The good packing snow tempted me enough to make one snowball and whip it at a tree for no reason whatsoever.

- Did the producers pair each male presenter at the Oscars with a taller female on purpose, or was that just a coincidence?

- Reason #519 that I am officially getting old. I immediately regretted the decision to make a snowball because I wasn’t wearing any gloves.

- I’d be okay if George Clooney was the presenter for every category. I have a feeling I’m not alone on that. Things just seem more important when he’s involved.

1. I have never seen Star Wars. And I don’t mean just the newer stuff. I haven’t seen ANY of it. And I have no plans to see it either. I find it less interesting being able to participate in Star Wars discussions than not knowing what everyone is talking about.
2. I can run really fast.
3. I’ve lived near Chicago my whole life, and I’m a huge baseball fan. Yet I didn’t go to Wrigley Field for the first time until I was 22.
4. The due date for my birth was March 17th, so my parents gave me “Patrick” for a middle name.
5. I can quote the movie “Cop and a Half”.
6. Remember, this comes from a guy who has never seen Star Wars.
7. I was born on March 28th, so my middle name has no meaning whatsoever.