1 Happy St

- I just had a slice of pineapple for the first time since I was in Hawaii back in October. I didn’t realize it until now, but Hawaii must have turned me into a pineapple snob because today’s pineapple really sucked.

- Remember when the Bears were beating the Saints in the NFC Championship game and all the players were smiling and dancing around and Lovie Smith was getting Gatorade dumped on him and the whole city of Chicago was planning a huge party? How long ago was that again?

- I’m worried about "24". It’s like the producers don’t even care what they make Jack do anymore. At this point, he could blow up a children’s hospital and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. I bet Bill Buchanan would even defend him for doing it.

- If you make a quick run to the store looking like you just woke up or you’re wearing sweatpants or something, what are the odds that you’ll see someone you know? 95%? Maybe 96?

- I hate that the movie theater makes me put my own butter on my popcorn now. For as much as it costs, the least they could do is continue handling that for me.

- If there’s a real possibility that having my cell phone turned on in a hospital can screw up a machine that is keeping someone alive, shouldn’t there be a better way to police that I actually turned it off rather than relying on the honor system?

- The first part that usually goes on all of my shirts is the left sleeve right at the elbow. Even now, I’m not sure what I do that makes that part of the shirt wear out first.

- This will probably be my last posting of the week. If it’s not, I’ll see you tomorrow. If it is, enjoy your weekend, don’t forget to fix your clocks, and try to enjoy the longer day.

-Whenever a ghost in a movie tries to grab an object, their hand always waves right through it. So why don’t they ever fall through the floor? You’d think movie ghosts would have to hang out in basements (courtesy of Jill).

-I don’t know how to pronounce the rapper Fabolous’s name. Do I pronounce it just like it’s written, or is it just a clever spelling? I’m also not sure if this makes me feel more old or more white.

-I want to hire a driver for my car and ask them to drive really slowly, then I’ll sit in the back seat and wave out the window like I’m in a parade. But I want to do this all the time.

-Weird Al is about to release a new album, 25 years after his debut. I can still recite most of the lyrics to “Eat It”. I’m not sure if this makes me feel more old or more white.

-Every week, the Monday Night Football crew goes to all that trouble of putting a microphone on a key player, but all we ever hear is "Wooo, I'm coming all day Baby, I'm coming all day" or "This is our house Baby, this is our house!" or the immortal "WOO! YEAH! WOO! WOO! YEAH!". So why do the Producers even bother anymore?

-My least favorite part about returning home from a long vacation is that very first time a hundred dollar bill seems like a lot of money again. It usually takes a couple days and it most likely happens at the grocery store.