1 Happy St

Note to self: If you're going to ditch out on a restaurant bill just for kicks, make sure you don't accidentally leave behind your purse with your drivers license in it. Oh and your weed. Yeah keep those items close by. A restaurant probably won't dust for fingerprints over a ditched check, but they'll certainly dust for a DRIVERS LICENSE LEFT OUT IN THE OPEN!!!!!!

Another note to self: Quit carrying around a purse. You're a guy.

One final note to self: Pay your stupid restaurant bill next time. The chance of getting arrested certainly isn't worth $46 divided by 4.

How do you know if a question is rhetorical? Don't answer that.

I'm an organ donor. So far, I have had no takers.

Saying the word "entendre" is hard for me.

I think if you say something has pizazz, it automatically means that it doesn't.

What's with the men's dress shirts that are various colors but have white collars and cuffs? I don't get that look.

Has that girl from the Miss Teen USA pageant signed on to do commercials with Mapquest yet? Someone has to make that happen.

I know I'm getting old because now I look forward to school starting again.

Have a great long weekend everyone!

Question: Recent polls have shown that 1/5th of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?

Take it away Miss Teen South Carolina.

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some (it actually sounds like she says "Osama" here, but I can't be sure) people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq and everywhere like in such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."

Now we can joke about this because it's funny. But imagine how surreal it must be to stand on a stage with millions of people watching you while some girl named Aimee Teegarden is asking you questions and A.C. Slater is holding a microphone in your face. Personally, I think she did as good as can be expected.