1 Happy St

FoxSports.com has learned that the White Sox and pitcher Bartolo Colon have agreed to a one-year deal, pending a physical. Excellent. I wonder what happens during a physical of Bartolo Colon.

White Sox Team Doctor: "Welcome back, Bartolo. First things first; how does your arm feel?"

Bartolo: "It hurts."

White Sox Team Doctor: "Can you tie your own shoes?"

Bartolo: "Almost."

White Sox Team Doctor: "Okay you pass."

Some people ask me why I have a blog. "Oooh, I have a lot of things to say. I'm important. Let me tell you what happened to me on my way into work. I like to use the word "random". See there? I just used it. Random. I'm random. Love me. Read me."

Yeah, having a blog is a lot like that.

But it's also a place to upload the coolest pictures of all time. Like that picture up there of Kapowski wearing a White Sox hat.

The White Sox asked their fans to dress in all black again Sunday. According to the Sun-Times, some fans are going to wear all black from now on, even next year. A fan quote:

"It makes a nice community, builds camaraderie," said Christine Swiderski, of the Garfield Ridge neighborhood. Swiderski was wearing black eyeliner and face paint, a black headband, a black Sox pullover, black pants and black skivvies. "Everyone was so into the game."

What a fan, huh? She really takes her fandom seriously. Wait, black skivvies? How do we...who got that...how did the reporter...wait, seriously? Black skivvies? Where's the picture of Christine in the article? She must have been an uggo. You can bet that if she wasn't, there'd be a picture accompanying that article.

In 4 or 5 more hours, we'll know if the season is over or if it'll last for at least another game. Let's hope for the latter. I'll be at home later this evening watching from my couch in my black skivvies.

Sorry no pics.

LGWS!

Hawk had an orgasm in the booth when The Cuban no-longer-swings-and-missles hit that grand slam last night. It was a pretty cool moment, unless you're a non-White Sox fan. If you're a non-White Sox fan, I'm pretty sure that moment was what you'd imagine the gates of hell to be like. Which just goes to show you, one person's hell is another person's heaven. Turns out that heaven for me is Hawk Harrelson having an orgasm. Odd.

Anyway, the White Sox PR Director (?) Brooks Boyer is asking fans that attend tonight's 1-game playoff against the Twins to dress in all black. Gimmicky? Yes. Kinda cool? We'll see. Do they mean pants too? Who has black pants that aren't dress pants? I sure don't. So you're probably going to see a lot of black shirts and blue jeans. I have no idea what that'll look like. They're handing out 40,000 black towels though, so look for that too.

So all the fans will be dressed in black, which is why I think it's interesting that Nick Blackburn is starting for the Twins. Regardless of the outcome, you can bet that tomorrow's newspaper headlines will reference that in some way.

And it'll be gay.

Let's hope the White Sox don't get Blackburned.

Yeah, something like that.

LGWS!

[ED: Griffey has to beware of the fake pickoff move tonight. And if you know why, consider yourself a friend of mine for life]

I mentioned on Friday that I'd be showing myself at Wrigley Field on Saturday to watch the Cubs clinch the division. I also mentioned that rather than blaspheming all day, in my head I'd be daydreaming that I was winning at poker in Vegas. Everything went according to plan; I caught a nice run of cards right in the beginning and was working off a tall stack the entire day. I got cold cards in the middle there, but after 3 hours or so, I was up big and was able to walk away happy.

I'm not sure what this picture is all about. Jill was in charge of the camera all day, so I'm guessing she just wanted to show that we were on Clark. The 1100 block to be exact. Why put it on this blog if it doesn't mean anything? I'm mysterious like that.

Ah, we're on Addison too. The corner of Clark and Addison. NOW it tells the whole story.

After the Cubs won, we celebrated with ZZ Top. It was a lot of fun. We reminisced about the good old days when Legs was topping the charts and Rick Sutcliffe was known for more than fawning over Erin Andrews. As Weird Al once said, "those were the good old days. Those were the good old days. The years go by but the memory stays. Those were the good old days."

He actually really did say that. I'm quoting busted Weird Al songs now. Which means I have to end this thing. But before I go, I will leave you with one more thought to ponder. The White Sox lowered their magic number to 5 over the weekend. The last time the White Sox and Cubs both made the playoffs in the same year was 1906, when an underdog Sox team dominated the Cubs in the World Series.

Just sayin'......

Kids who were born the year that Bobby Thigpen set the single-season saves record are starting their freshman year of college.

I remember 1990 like it was 18 years ago. It was the first summer of my lifetime that the White Sox were actually good (Follow-up note: I didn't include 1983 because I don't remember 1983, but to be fair, they were good in 1983), which meant a lot to me at the time because I was 11 years old. To an 11 year old like me, baseball is the most important part of your life outside of alcohol, cigarettes, and women. So here was my favorite team, battling a much better Oakland A's team for 1st place all summer long.

I recall only a few story lines from that season - Barry Jones being among the league leaders in wins at the All-Star break even though he wasn't even a starter (I'm sure I'm not even remembering this correctly), Carlton Fisk being their best player even though he was in his 40's, a really big guy joining the team in August who would absolutely crush the ball for 2 months (Frank Thomas), it being the last season at old Comiskey, and Bobby Thigpen saving just about every game they won. I don't remember much about Ozzie; maybe he wasn't all that crazy yet. Oh, I also remember my Uncle Joe coming over to our house one day wearing a t-shirt that had a drawing of a kid wearing a White Sox hat pissing on a Cubs hat. It was the first time I had seen this brand of humor, so I remember it going over real well. What a great shirt. Ha ha, a White Sox fan pissing on a Cubs hat. Good comedy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, alcohol and cigarettes. No wait, feeling old. Yeah so Bobby Thigpen saved 57 games that year. It was kind of a big deal I think because this was still in 1990 when people hadn't yet realized how stupid the save statistic was (and is). So 57 became the record that still stands today. Why do I bring this up? Because it's finally about to be broken. Francisco Rodriguez of the Angels, who has the dumbest nickname in all of baseball, has 54 saves as I type this with almost of month of games left. Barring a freak incident like a 29 year old White Sox fan pulling a Gillooly on his knee, he should break it some time next week or the week after, at which point a piece of my childhood will die.

But I suppose I'll look at the bright side. Right now there's an 11 year old Angels fan who is enjoying one hell of a season from his favorite team, and maybe 18 years from now, someone will be breaking K-Rod's record (I told you his nickname was dumb. Nowhere in his name is there a "K". Stupid, right?), and that current 11 year old Angels fan can bitch about how he's getting old.

And I'll be enjoying my late 40's. Late 40's are cool.

Over the weekend, I tuned in to a total of 5 minutes of White Sox games. They played 3 games over the course of 7 or 8 hours, and grand total I watched 5 minutes of it. And it was awesome. Remember, I'm a guy who has seen or listened to a portion of just about every White Sox game for the past 10 or 15 years. Over the weekend, I simply stopped watching. I couldn't take it anymore. It's not that I'm no longer a fan, but they're just not fun anymore. Every other day, they're in the news for something that isn't good. Whether it's Ozzie in a fake feud with an opposing pitcher who sucks or Kenny saying they get no respect in Chicago or Brian Anderson licking food off of Octavio Dotel's foot [real] or Joe Crede injuring his back or Ozzie in a fake feud with an opposing catcher who sucks or Kenny saying they get no respect in Chicago or Ozzie and Hawk in a fake feud with a newspaper columnist who sucks or the whole team complaining that they get no respect in Chicago; it's all so tiring. You know?

I realize that people who play sports for a living usually aren't the brightest people in the world. I don't expect them to be. They've never really had to be good at anything other than the sport that they play, so I get it. But some of the comments that come from the people associated with this team on what seems like a daily basis, I just shake my head and wonder. They just have a way of sucking the fun out of enjoying baseball. And the thing about them is that they're good. Well relative to what I expected them to be and relative to the division they play in. I really didn't have high hopes this year. I figured them for 80 to 85 wins, but 10 games or so behind the Indians or Tigers. Right now they're in 2nd place, 1/2 game behind the Twins. And yet they're still not fun, at least to me.

I never thought I'd say this, especially about a White Sox team that has a chance to make it to the playoffs this late into the season, but I couldn't care less what happens from here [hyperbole]. Win, lose, I really don't care [more]. And to be honest, I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my summer without them [true].

To be fair, talk to me in October if they're in the playoffs. And forget I mentioned all this.

If only this was 1993.

I have an Alexei Ramirez update for you. Alexei Ramirez is the White Sox 2nd baseman who I blogged about on Monday using the blog title "The Cuban Swing-and-a-miss-le". I thought that title was brilliant. His nickname is The Cuban Missile and I titled the blog The Cuban Swing-and-a-miss-le. Yeah I'm clever. But first I have to ask, have you ever woke up and realized right off the bat that your day was going to end up shitty? Maybe you stubbed your toe when you got out of bed. Maybe you forgot to lift the lid before your 1st pee. Maybe your raisin bran was short on raisins. Whatever it was, you just knew that you'd probably be better off just going back to bed because there was no way you were gonna have a day like Ice Cube. That must suck. I've never had one of those. Today's been pretty good. Well I'd say average. My back is a little sore for no reason whatsoever, but that happens almost every day. Totally ordinary actually. Before I got in my car this morning, I was thinking in my head that I was out of gas and I'd have to fill up on my way to work, but it turns out that I had plenty of gas to get me through the day. I'm not sure why I thought I was out. Did I dream it? Am I at the point where I'm dreaming that I'm out of gas? That'd be a shame. I just read a headline that said oil prices are at $147 per barrel right now. Can anybody put that into perspective? Like are there actual barrels of oil sitting in a warehouse somewhere that go for $147 each? And how big are these barrels? Is it like something I'd see in a candy store? Or is it like something that a cartoon character would wear if they were naked? When I think barrels, I think naked cartoon characters. Hey speaking of naked cartoon characters, yesterday...or maybe it was two nights ago. Jeez these days seem to run together, don't they? Can you even differentiate between a Wednesday night and a Thursday night anymore? As soon as the summer starts, all the TV shows that I watch are over so I only end up watching the White Sox, and they play every day so it's really hard to remember which day is which. They lost last night and they won the night before. But they were playing the Royals both nights. So which night was it that would remind me of a naked cartoon character? You know I don't even remember anymore. I'm sure the story would be either awesome or horrible. Or pretty average. Oh I remember what I wanted to tell you. It has nothing to do with naked cartoon characters though. Why was I thinking about that? I hope this isn't an early warning sign of Alzheimer's. Quick aside - when I was a kid, I thought Alzheimer's was called "Old Timer's". That's not so bad, is it? Only old people were getting it, so wouldn't it stand to reason that it could be called Old Timers Disease? What the bleep is an Alzheimer? It's probably a person, and I'm sure he or she wasn't too pleased that they named a disease after them. Not that they'd remember anyway. Okay, so back to what I wanted to mention. Earlier this week, I told you about the Cuban guy on the White Sox Alexei Ramirez and how he swings at every pitch. I hope you didn't start watching him for the first time after you read that blog because today you'd be calling me a liar. All week, he's been taking pitches like its his job. He hasn't walked or anything (that'd be crazy), but he has been laying off pitches way off the plate and he's been working the count. Last night (or maybe it was two nights ago), he even got the count to 3-2. I guess what I'm saying is that there may be hope for him yet.

Go White Sox.

Joe Crede: .261, 15 HR, 47 BI, 17 errors
Jason Varitek: .218, 7 HR, 27 RBI

These two guys were the two obvious head-scratchers when the American League All-Star team was announced yesterday. While both guys have certainly been worthy in previous seasons, each of them is having an off year this year.

Joe Crede started the season strong offensively, but has seen his defense decline rapidly, already committing a career high 17 errors at third base.

Jason Varitek, hitting a meager .218, should be nowhere near Yankee Stadium next Tuesday. Both Varitek and Crede were voted onto the team by the players.

Besides wasting two roster spots that should be used for more worthy players, what else do these players have in common?

• Both of them are free agents after this season.
• Both of them are clients of super-agent Scott Boras.

Is Scott Boras gaming the system by having his clients cast All-Star votes for Crede and Varitek to help them secure more lucrative deals in the upcoming off-season?

(h/t Daryl)

I've been watching a lot of White Sox games this year. It's nothing new; I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. This year they have a new guy Alexei Ramirez. He's Cuban and he's pretty good. I guess. But one thing I've noticed about him that I'm sure will eventually creep up as a weakness for him is that he swings at every pitch. I'm not exaggerating [yes I am]. Every pitch, regardless of where it's thrown, he's up there swinging. I've seen him have at bats where he saw 8 or 9 pitches and swung at all of them. Curve ball low and away? He's swinging. Fastball way up. Swinging. Curve ball behind his head? Swing. So yesterday while I was watching the game, Jill came in the room right as Alexei was about to hit. I said to her "watch this, even if the pitch is way out of the strike zone, this guy will swing at it". She said "I really don't care". Then I said "no watch, regardless of where it's pitched, he'll swing". So she watched and the pitch ended up being a crazy breaking ball way low and way away. Alexei swung and missed and Jill said "he does that every time?" and I said "yes" and she said "so why would the pitcher ever throw him a strike?" and I said "exactly". I'm not sure what my point is except to say that Jill couldn't care less about baseball strategy, and yet Alexei's hitting coach is a millionaire and so are the pitchers he faces every day.

Just sayin'.

Jill is a Cubs fan and I am a White Sox fan. If I was rude, I could attribute that to Jill being a moron and me being smart. But you see, I'm not rude. Regardless, that's the tag she gives me for being a White Sox fan. She feels that in order for me to be "typical", I have to be rude in defeat and rude in victory. Like that's our makeup as White Sox fans or something. I feel that she's painting with too broad a brush. We're not all rude.

This is the time where Cubs fans mention that I may not be rude, but I'm still probably a mullet-sporting, wife-beating, 1st base coach-attacking, white trash loser. I disagree. I shaved my mullet over a year ago.

So the Cubs swept the White Sox over the weekend. Everything is right with the world. The Cubs are going to win the World Series and the White Sox will fold and die like the scum that they are. I get it. But I want Jill to know that I was gracious in defeat and I would have been gracious in victory. I wouldn't have taken any joy in her suffering had our roles been reversed (okay maybe a little). And yet it was an unnamed Cubs fan (I think Jim) who taped pictures of broomsticks to my monitor so that I would have something to greet me as I made it into work.

Who's being rude now?

Hilarious rundown of the MLB franchises here.

Here are the Sox and Cubs for our Chicago readers.

Chicago Cubs - Derrick Zoolander -
You lovable loser you. You're devastatingly handsome, you get the hot chicks, and have yet to even unleash "Blue Steel". But, you always seem to mispronounce "Eugoogly" and embarrass yourself.



Chicago White Sox - Lucy Van Pelt -
Jealous that most people love your neighbor more than you, you claw and scratch your way to the top, only to find resentment and the fact that regardless of your accomplishments or failures, Charlie Brown will always be the favorite Peanuts character.

I don't want to jinx it or anything* but my Chicago White Sox are now 5.5 games ahead of the 2nd place Twins. They've won 6 straight games since Crazy Bones went on his tirade where he called his hitting coach an asshole**.

* I've made it clear on this site before that I believe in jinx's the same way that I believe in the tooth-fairy and curses and leprechauns. That is to say, I believe in them with all my heart. And with all my heart, I mean none of it. Jinx's aren't real. Neither is the tooth-fairy and neither are curses. Okay maybe with leprechauns I can still be convinced. After watching this video, I can't rule it out just yet (stick around for the amateur sketch in that video if you haven't seen it yet; you won't be disappointed). But back to this jinx thing. How can people believe in sports jinx's? If I say out loud that there's no way the White Sox will lose today and then they end up losing, were my words really that powerful that they willed a group of 9 or 10 people to fail who have never met me and probably never will? Who the hell am I to where I can have an impact on what a baseball team does? And how is the strength of my jinx more powerful than the jinx of the fan of the other team who said there's no way his team would lose? Right? If my jinx was really that powerful, don't you think I'd have figured out a way to put it to better use by now? I would totally be jinxing my ability to lose the lotto every week.

** Okay he didn't really call his hitting coach an asshole, but he did call him a child molester who probably roots for the Indians. And that was wrong in my opinion. You should never joke about rooting for the Indians.

Not only have they won 6 in a row, but they've done it in style, outscoring their opponents by 718 runs (estimate), and not once has one of their fans jumped on the field and attacked the 1st base coach of the opposing team (dated William Ligue reference). So yeah, it's good to be a White Sox fan right now. Personally though, I kind of miss the craziness. Hopefully by the end of the week, they'll have lost 2 or 3 games in a row and Mariotti can call for Ozzie's job again and Ozzie can call Mariotti a fag again. Things just aren't right when they're going well.

I really want the White Sox to win the World Series this year, if for no other reason than to hear to the voiceover on the championship DVD explain how the team's turn-around may have been sparked by two blowup dolls.

One of my favorite pastimes is linking you to a fun article where Crazy Bones starts cursing up a storm and the newspaper folks have to clean it up with a dozen or so [bleep]s and [stuff]s. You can find where I did it here, and here, and here, and here, and you know what? Just click on that "Ozzie Guillen" label down below for all of them. Yeah that's easier. Anyway, over the weekend Crazy Bones gave the Chicago Tribune this after another White Sox loss. For your pleasure (okay just mine), I am going to paste his entire tirade and do my best to translate it with the real [stuff]. A question mark following the curse word is my way of guessing what the actual spoken word was. Okay here goes (NOTE: Bad language to follow):

"Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups — Call up this guy, call up that guy. If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That's what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media: They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the fucking best shit(?) in town. Now we're shit(?). We won it a couple years ago, and we're horseshit. The Cubs haven't won in 100 years, and they're the fucking best. Fuck it, we're good. Fuck(?) everybody. We're horseshit, and we're going to be horseshit the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We have the worst owner. The guy's got seven fucking rings, and he's the fucking horseshit owner. In 2006 we had a good year, a great year. Last year was a bad year, and we never denied it. How about the Cubs celebrating that Lee Elia bullshit? How many times do I curse people out? I will make a lot of money with my shit(?). I have to keep going because in the future Ozzie will need money, and I can say, 'Here, give me money', here's the 10-year anniversary of my time I called Mariotti stuff and the time I went on the radio and cursed out Mike North. Yeah, we have to celebrate all that shit too. But I won't be around for 10 years, believe me. People are panicking. Did we play a real bad week? Yes, we did, we stunk. But it wasn't too long ago that we were — the biggest surprise in baseball, wow, look at the White Sox. All of a sudden, there we go, back to normal. We have to deal with it. Fuck(?) it. As long as the 25 guys out there believe we can do it, everyone else, hey ... And if those 25 don't? We'll find someone else that believes, believe me. I don't think Kenny is going to put up with this stuff. If they don't believe they can do it, well, we're going to find someone that can do it."

Generic and funny (debatable) line where I mock everything above in one sentence.

[Editor's Note: I'm not sure who wrote this first since they were both on the same day, but I wanted to point out that this guy wrote something similar. In fact it's almost identical. His may even be funnier. Oh well]

- Marty Brennaman is a jackass. His hyperbole doesn't impress me.

- The Blue Jays released DH Frank Thomas on Sunday. Today there's a poll question on the Chicago Sun-Times' on-line site that asks its readers: "Should the Sox pursue Frank Thomas?" The 2 options they give are: "Yes, he can still hit" and "No, he has a bad attitude." Uh, what about "No, they already have Jim Thome, who is also a DH and is better than Frank Thomas"? How am I smarter when it comes to sports than a major newspaper's sports department?

- By the way, May 25th is Frank Thomas bobblehead day in Toronto. That should be fun.

- Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher says the team offered him a one-year extension through 2012, believed to include at least $5 million up front and an extra $1 million added to each year remaining on his current deal. But he wants at least a two-year extension with more money up front. In other words, he has no bargaining power whatsoever and the Bears could call his bluff and tell him to go away without giving him anything, but he's still holding out. Way to be a role model to your teammates there Big Guy. By the way, would the Pillsbury Dough Boy be considered a good roll model? Get it? 'Cause he models rolls? Hey make fun of it if you'd like, but you're gonna try to use it.

- If the baseball season ended today, the White Sox and the Cubs would both make the playoffs for the first time since 1906. Also, the playoffs would be held in April for the first time ever.

Why do I create a hodgepodge of nonsense that nobody will enjoy? Well I do it for you. 'Cause I know you won't enjoy it. I'm a jerk like that.

I can't even tell you how many times so far in this baseball season that I've heard people tell me not to get too high on the White Sox doing well and the Tigers absolutely sucking. I hear it on local radio. I hear it from Cubs fans. I read it in the newspaper. Every time I turn around, someone is telling me to calm down; it won't last. Well if that's true, why should I calm down? Why shouldn't I enjoy it while it's happening? That would be stupid, wouldn't it? If someone told me that I could eat all the chocolate I wanted to for 5 days, but after those 5 days were up, I could never eat chocolate again, do you think I would consider not eating chocolate for those 5 days because I know it wouldn't last? Hell no, right? I would continue eating all that chocolate until my head exploded. So save your lectures about the White Sox winning and the Tigers losing not lasting. That may be true. But I'm sure as hell going to enjoy it while it does.

I found out on Saturday that Jill is going to be a much better parent than I will ever be. We had the honor of shopping at the mall with some younger relatives (Emma - 4 and Madison - 5). The no's were bouncing off of Jill like it was her job. "Jill can I have this?" "No." "Jill can you buy me that?" "No put it back." I wasn't as good at it. "Brian can I get this?" "Sure, how much does it cost?" "Brian can you buy me that." "Of course, what is it?" It turns out I have a lot to learn.

Oh, also...The Disney Store is a huge scam. That's all I have to say about that.

My customer called me on my cell phone at 5am on Sunday to warn me about something that is scheduled to happen at 1pm today. Here's how the conversation with Jill went right after I got off the phone. "Who was that?" "I don't know." "What did they want?" "I'm really not sure." "Was it for work?" "I guess." Needless to say, his boss and I are going to have a little chat later.

All weekend I was looking forward to seeing that Sarah Marshall movie. I tried convincing people to see it with me on Friday but that fell through. I had other things planned all day Saturday so that didn't work. Finally on Sunday we decided to see it. I was in charge of finding the start time. Hmm, it's not playing at this theater. That's weird, it's not playing at this theater either. I figured it'd be playing everywhere. Sonofabitch, it opens next Friday. I'm an idiot.

Happy Tax Day Eve

If my favorite no-talent ass-clown (Joe Morgan) gets into a verbal spar with my favorite crazy-bones manager (Ozzie Guillen), for whom do I root? Because that's exactly what happened Sunday night. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

DETROIT – It was vintage Ozzie Guillen before Sunday night’s game, as he didn’t
take kindly to ESPN broadcaster Joe Morgan questioning the fact that Guillen
told reporters on Saturday that he felt Ivan Rodriguez, not Roberto Clemente,
was the greatest player to come out of Puerto Rico. Morgan told Guillen he was
"crazy," starting a series of "FU’s" from Guillen...."The problem is these old guys think that none of the players now are better than back then," Guillen said. He then sighted an example, bringing up how Babe Ruth was fat and out of shape, but yet was a dominant hitter and pitcher back in the old days. "Babe Ruth couldn’t even play now," Guillen insisted. Morgan was trying to laugh it off, but Guillen sure wasn’t.

See the problem here is that Joe Morgan is a family man. He doesn't use words like f#ck in normal conversation. So in an argument with Crazy Bones, he'll never win. If two guys are arguing and one of them says "you're wrong" while the other says "F#ck You", the F#ck You guy automatically wins. Sad to say, but it's true. Poor Joe. Let's just hope they'll continue providing us more craziness as the season goes on.

I wrote this on April 2nd of last year:

Cubs
Ace pitcher Carlos Zambrano throws hissy fit in dugout, argues with umpire,
Cubs losing 5-1. Manager Lou Piniella brings in reliever Neal Cotts to
presumably throw in the towel on Opening Day.

I'm reminded of a scene in Major League:
Lou Piniella: "Give me Cotts."
Michael Barrett: "You mean Neal Cotts?"
Lou Piniella: "I know he hasn't done much in 2 years, but I got a hunch
he's due."

Sox
Ace pitcher Jose Contreras pitches 1 inning, gives up 7 ER on 8 hits, Sox
losing 11-3. Manager Ozzie Guillen brings in rookie reliever Nick Masset to
presumably throw in the towel on Opening Day.

I'm reminded of a scene in Major League 2:
Doorman: "Hey Mr. Contreras, I thought you were starting today."
Jose Contreras: "Si, I did."
Doorman: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't turn it on until the 2nd inning."

Of course these games are still going on as I type this, but is it too late
to take a mulligan on the season so far?

As I type right now, both clubs are 0 for 2 on the season. Which begs the question: Why do I always get so excited for April?