1 Happy St

Here is my impression of what it's like to watch the Golden Globes:

And the nominees for Best Actor in a Drama series are:
- Some guy you've never heard of from Dexter.
- Another guy you've never heard of from In Treatment.
- The only guy you recognize out of each of the 5 nominees.
- A third guy you've never heard of from True Blood.
- A fourth guy you've never heard of from yet another show you don't watch.

And the winner is............one of the four guys you've never heard of.

Yay!

On January 2nd, I gave you this.

On January 8th, Kenneth gave us this:



This makes me even happier than I was back in May when Nard Dog used my urn joke.

I felt sick to my stomach during Pam's classmate's speech to her last night. Should a 30-minute television show have this kind of effect on me? No it shouldn't. Stellar episode though. Finally.

Oh and 30 Rock was the shizz once again.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine on Friday about last Thursday's episode of The Office. It went something like this:

Him: "Did you see The Office last night?"
Me: "Yeah."
Him: "Wasn't it awesome?"
Me: "For real?"
Him: "You didn't think so?"
Me: "Eh."

I'll admit after looking back on some of the posts I've had here recently that I've been a little bit down on things. And for that, I apologize. I also hate being "That Guy"*. But in my opinion, this whole season of The Office has been kind of weird. It's had its moments (just about everything with Nard Dog or Darrell), but overall, I can't think of a single episode all season where I'd call it a classic while previous seasons had a classic episode just about every week. And I don't really see where they're going with this Jim and Pam thing. This show has always been kind of awkward, but it's also been funny at the same time. That lunch with Jim's brothers wasn't funny at all; it was just painful. And I could have done a better job of acting than the two jokers they got to play them. Who were those guys?

* By "That Guy", I mean the kind of person who hates anything that's popular. I can come up with a whole list of things I like (and still do) that have been or currently are popular that some people will hate for exactly that reason. Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, DMB, O.J. Simpson. So I strive to not be That Guy.

It's only November; there's still plenty of time to right this thing. I just hope Jim's brothers are done making appearances 'til the wedding.

Studio Exec: So did you come up with an idea for a new show I asked for?

Producer: Not exactly. Well I did, but it’s not exactly new.

Studio Exec: I’m listening.

Producer: Okay so I was thinking that we could make a new version of 90210.

Studio Exec: I don’t understand. Like an adult version?

Producer: No we use a whole new cast. Well some of the old cast, but mostly new. I’m sure we could get Donna to come back in some role or another.

Studio Exec: I’m not sure that would work. That show sucked.

Producer: Yeah but it was a hit. Just remember, the American public is pretty stupid.

Studio Exec: That’s true.

Producer: All you really need is at least 1 super hot girl, at least 1 super good-looking guy, 1 cute girl next door type, and 1 uggo, and you’ve got yourself a hit.

Studio Exec: That’s really all it takes?

Producer: Of course. You remember the old version, don’t you? I’m thinking the new version will be just like that, with a little bit of Gossip Girl and Sunset Tan mixed in.

Studio Exec: What the hell is Sunset Tan?

Producer: Never mind that. So you in?

Studio Exec: I guess.

Producer: Oh, one more thing. I’m thinking that the series premier should run after everyone has gone to sleep. None of this primetime bullshit. Maybe midnight or something.

Studio Exec: What’s the point of that?

Producer: Even I don’t know the answer to that one. But there’s going to be a low-rent blog that tries to speculate what was said during this pitch meeting and I want to confuse him.

Studio Exec: Good thinking. You’ve got the green light from me.

Follow-up note from Brian: you might not understand the reference to airing the episode at midnight, but that's because it's only relevant if you live in Chicago. According to this article, WGN is the only CW affiliate who pushed back the start time and they did it because the Cubs had a night game. Well done, WGN. Way to screw your affiliate that has only 1 show that people watch.

In 1988, the pilot episode of "The Wonder Years" aired. The story took place 20 years earlier in 1968. It is now 2008, which means that if "The Wonder Years" was re-released today, the story would take place 20 years earlier in 1988.

The bloody hell?

Also, you're old.

Okay, go back to what you were doing.

Jill and I were watching the finale of American Idol on delay last night. By the end of the show, I think we were about 10 or 15 minutes behind the live version. So right as they were coming back from the last commercial break, Jill got a text from a co-worker that said "David Cook YAY!!!!!!!!!"

Son of a.........

I laughed out loud probably 10 times while watching The Office last night. When Kevin saw the bouncy thing and ran towards it and Phyllis yelled to him to take off his shoes, I even snorted and I never do that. I don't think I've ever done that. I make fun of people who do that. But last night I did it. He passed for a retard and they didn't even change the way he delivered his lines. How brilliant is that?

The whole time I was watching Lost last night, I thought it was the last episode. I guess I wasn't thinking because the season finale is always a 2 parter. So after the episode ended last night, I wondered how they could leave us hanging with that. Then I saw the commercial that started out "in 2 weeks, the 2-hour season finale........."

Hells yeah! A 3-parter! I can't wait.

One of the things that bothers me about American Idol outside of the obvious things that would bother me (it's cheesy, Paula sucks, the contestants are barely better at singing than non-famous lounge singers, it's an hour of programming stretched to 2 hours over the course of 2 days, etc. etc. etc.) is how the contestants never know anything about music. They're never familiar with the genre from which they get to choose a song, so they always end up butchering the original. Like last night, the genre was rock and roll. Now this is such a huge category that the producers might as well have just called the night "songs that have words in it". That would have been funny, no?

Ryan Seacrest: "It's 'songs that have words in it' night here on American Idol. This week contestants got to choose from a catalog of songs that have words. First up is David Cook who will sing Duran Duran's.......are you kidding me? Duran Duran? Ugh, I need a new job."

Okay, so it's rock and roll night. Admittedly, I love rock and roll. I put dimes in the jukebox baby. No I won't. So what does 17 year old David Archuletta choose as his two rock and roll songs to sing? Ben King's "Stand by Me" and Elvis Presley's "Love me Tender". Now I don't know about you, but when I think rock and roll, I think "stand by me". A bleeping travesty. I'll recap how it transpired:

First he butchered the song. Of course. Then he stood there on stage and smiled awkwardly as young girls in the audience screamed his name. It was right about this time that I puked a little bit for the first time. He continued to stand there awkwardly and licked his lips a little bit. I puked some more. He licked his lips some more. More screaming from the little girls was heard. Finally, he was praised by the judges while he smiled and licked his lips some more. Lather rinse repeat.

And this is a real show on television that I continue to watch every week.

His second choice was even better. He said something about once hearing an Elvis song so he was going to give it a try. At least I think that's what he said; I may have missed the message because I was too pre-occupied trying to come up with ways to injure myself on purpose. So he chose "Love me Tender". Uh huh. The Elvis song he chose on Rock and Bleeping Roll night was Love Me Tender. Not Jailhouse Rock or Hound Dog or That's All Right; you know, something that would have required that he move around on stage and embrace the category. No he chose Love Me Tender. And he pussified it even more by singing it like it was a show tune. Of course the judges loved it, girls screamed, and I puked again.

God I love this show.

Jimmy Fallon will be taking over for Conan O'Brien next year when Conan takes over as host of The Tonight Show, so says this story. I'd come up with a joke there, but I don't think I'm funny enough. Or maybe I am. Let me try.

Hey did you hear Jimmy Fallon is going to take over for Conan O'Brien next year? Yeah apparently NBC was looking for someone annoying who laughs at his own unfunniness.

I was right; I'm not funny enough.

My favorite part of the story: Fallon, who recently married producer Nancy Juvonen, is said to be thrilled and ready, if not a little scared, about taking Conan’s desk. He still has to pick a producer and a band, among other things. Do the "other things" include learning how to be funny and not laughing at his own unfunniness? Maybe he should start there.

[Editor's Note: Bondo actually isn't all that upset with NBC's choice. He's just over-reacting to the fact that Jimmy ruined a countless number of sketches on SNL back in the day with his fake laughing. Did I just use "back in the day"? Yes I did. Unfortunately, there isn't a better term to use in that situation. Back in the day will have to stay. Hey that rhymes!]

First, a who gives a sh## to whet your pallet (and yes, I made 'who gives a sh##' a noun). Today's version let's us know that Wayne Brady's divorce has finally gone through. Has he been relevant in the last 3 years? Oh he was in "How I met your mother?" I must have missed that episode and all the other one's before and after that one. And this is coming from someone who still watches various MTV programming.

Speaking of MTV programming, the internet-voted cast-member from the new season of The Real World is my new favorite character ever and it only took him 60 minutes to win me over. I'd look up his name, but I'm too lazy, so instead I'll just give you a description and you'll know who I'm talking about (if you watch the show, which is doubtful): tall black guy who doesn't care about anything or anyone, doesn't care what people think of him, and thinks he's God's gift to gifts from God. I cannot wait, CANNOT WAIT, for episode 2. And I'm a 29-year-old male. Also, if you can look at the ginormously armed white guy* from Chicago and not think of this youtube classic, then you're not at all like me. Before this season is over, I will need that guy to take a shower in Jagerbombs at least once.

* Seriously, how do you get your arms that big? I could quit my job and become one of those guys who spends 15 hours a day lifting weights and I still don't think my arms could do that. Would I even want them to look like that? Okay maybe. But still. If my arms looked like that, I don't think there'd be any way that somebody could have a conversation with me without them zoning off and thinking about my arms. So how does he ever have a real conversation with someone? Hmm, maybe that's the idea.

Third, is it possible to read the word 'evacuate' without immediately thinking it says something else?

Hey nobody said these thoughts would be related to each other.

- I can't believe that girl whose father died 2 days before her audition got voted off. What a shame. And believe it or not, I liked that Daniel kid with the attitude, so I was sorry to see him go too. His text-speech made me LOL. Oh well. BLNT.

- Yeah I watched Idol too. My DVR was working overtime last night.

- I should probably keep some things to myself.

- Wow, so another stellar episode of Lost. I was pleased with Juliet's backstory with Goodwin; I thought that was long overdue. It's funny because my favorite characters on the show I think are people who weren't even part of Season 1 (at least not prominently). Juliet is good, Desmond is great, and Ben is always terrific. If not for Sayid and the occasional Sawyer scene (where has he been this season?), the Season 1 crew would be getting dominated.

- Claire got another 20 seconds of screen time. Does anybody else feel like they glossed over the whole Charlie dying thing? If Claire was truly in love with him, wouldn't she still be grieving at least a little bit? Instead she's going about her business like it never happened. Poor Charlie. I think it's pretty clear at this point that Claire is going down soon. They've been hinting at it for a couple weeks now. I guess I'll miss her, but I definitely won't miss her saying "give me back my bay-bay" any more. Hey silver lining.

- That Ben is diabolical. This paragraph will be lame (I guess they all have been), but I wanted an excuse to type the word 'diabolical'. It's such a great word. So is he telling the truth to Locke about Penny's dad? I say yes even though Ben is looking more and more like a creepy myspace guy. His line to Juliet when he brought her to Goodwin's rotting corpse - "take all the time you need" - was brilliant. And diabolical. Still loving that word.

- Questions still to ponder - who is Ben's spy on the ship? Who does Juliet look like that would make her attractive to Ben? Who opened the door on the ship that allowed Sayid, Desmond, and the Indian dude from "Short Circuit" to escape? Are Daniel/Charlotte good guys or bad guys? Or for that matter, is Penny's dad a good guy? 'Til next time......

Tell me you all watched that trainwreck "The Moment of Truth" last night. This woman was on there and admitted in front of her husband of 2 years, her parents, and her siblings that she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend on her wedding day. Then she admitted that if her ex-boyfriend were to ask her to get back together, she’d dump her husband right then and there. Finally she admitted that she had cheated on her husband since they’ve been married. All of this of course was a shock to the poor schmo of a husband who was sitting there with a "holy sh## my life is over, why would she bring me here and sit me down next to her mom and dad on national television and admit all this in front of the whole world" look on his face.

Here’s the part I don’t get. The show acknowledges that these people are asked a series of questions before the taping (I think they said 50) while hooked up to a lie detector. This means THAT THEY KNOW WHAT’S COMING, at least to some degree. This woman obviously had quite a few things to hide from her family and husband. So why in the hell would she still go on the show?

I see only two possible reasons:
1. She wanted her husband to find out. Of course this means that this woman is a huge "B" because it would be a lot easier on the poor schmo to tell him his life is over in the privacy of his own home rather than airing it out in front of 10 million people.
2. This is all an elaborate setup by the show’s producers, and none of the contestants are real.

Either way, I feel dirty after watching it. And this marks the 2nd time I’ve mentioned it since it first aired. I'm not sure what any of this means, but after this and Temptation Island, I think Mark Walberg may be Satan.

***LOST SPOILER ALERT***

***NO, FOR REAL. I'VE GOT LOST SPOILERS COMING***

***YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED YET, SO WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? GO AWAY. THIS IS FOR ALL OF US WHO WATCHED IT LIVE (OR AT LEAST PARTIALLY LIVE) LAST NIGHT***

***OKAY, FINALLY THEY'RE GONE***

So what'd you think? Did you know that Sayid's boss in the flash-forward was going to be Ben? I'll be honest, I wasn't thinking it, but when I heard his voice for the first time, I said out loud "that sounds like Ben." What a fantastic episode though. I love the episodes where my first reaction after it's over is something like "wait, I don't get it". But then I think about it for a minute and it clicks. That happened last night.

Some questions I'm left to ponder this morning:
- Who is Minkowski really? I'm beginning to think he's Ben's mole on the freighter.
- What was Daniel's experiment all about, and why were the clocks no longer synchronized?
- Was Sayid's flash-forward in the same timeframe as Hurley and Jack's flash-forwards?
- Who is R.G.?

A question that was driving me crazy that I finally went and looked up and got the answer:
- Why does that Miles guy look so familiar? What's he been in? It turns out he was Junior's crazy friend in the nuthouse from the last season of The Sopranos. Ah hah!

First he sends me this. After I tell him how much I hate him for getting that song stuck in my head, he replies back with "maybe this will help". I hate him even more now.

He needs to do some work. And I need to stop clicking on the links he sends me.

One final Super Bowl-related thought and then I'll put this topic to bed - afterwards we always find out what the ratings for the game were and how they stack up against past Super Bowls and other top-rated programs. According to USA Today, the game drew 97.5 million viewers nationwide - the most ever for a Super Bowl. It was also the 2nd most national viewers for any television program ever, behind the series finale of "M-A-S-H" in 1983 that drew 106 million.

Question though - how can anybody know if this is accurate? I was only 4 in 1983, so I don't remember how big of an event the series finale of M-A-S-H was. Based on the numbers, I can see it was a big deal. But were people packing sports bars around the country to watch it? I can see how they can make a pretty accurate guess that 106 million people watched M-A-S-H, but how in the world can you account for packed sports bars watching the Super Bowl? I watched the game at a dive bar last year that can fit 85 people or so, and this place had to have been at 85 and then some. I can only imagine that just about every sports bar across the country would have been operating under similar circumstances. So how do all of those people get counted? Is it just a guess? And if so, what's the point?

My guess is that sports programs must be getting the shaft when it comes to television ratings.

- Who was in the coffin during Jack's flash-forward? [the most logical answer to this question that I've been able to come up with is Ben. Maybe Michael.]

- Who was Kate going home to? [I suspect Sawyer]

- Did Charlie really die? [to me that sounds like a dumb question, but people I've spoken with believe that he survived the grenade and the drowning]

- Who stayed behind at the island while the others were being rescued? [and by "the others", I don't mean "The Others"]

- Is Kate pregnant?

- How did Charlie get the Sharpie marker to work when his hand was wet? [okay I'm not really wondering this, but you have to admit that writing on something that's wet with a marker is really hard]

That is all for now. I'm sure before we get answers to the questions above, 4 or 5 new questions will emerge. I guess that's the beauty of the show. Enjoy.

Did you watch "The Moment of Truth" last night?

I think the show itself has the right idea, although some of the questions caused Jill and I to look at each other with "how would you answer that question" faces. Maybe it's one of those shows that you don't watch with your wife. Aside from that though it still made me laugh a couple times.

The only problem I have with it (and this seems to be a common theme with "game shows" now) is that it was about 6 minutes of actual programming crunched into 60 minutes. I had the same complaint with "Are you smarter" last year and I don't think I've watched that show since. Why do the producers do that? They drag the show on so much with dramatic music and frustrating pauses for no real reason to the point where I end up turning the channel. I'll never understand why they do that.

My grade: B-12

Yep, my arbitrary grading system is now on a vitamin scale. Or is that a warplane?

Side note: please don't make fun of the blog title. I realize it looks like one of those generic titles that you'd see in a newspaper review. But I'm kinda proud of it in a "making fun of generic newspaper headlines" kind of way. Okay that is all for now.

Quick edit to my original post: My friend Brian just emailed me with his thoughts on the show. Take it away Brian:

Absolutely retarded. I knew most of the answers to those first 6 questions anyway. Oh, lemme guess, they're freaking true. It's not that big a deal. The hard ones are when you have to talk about your wife and sh##. I would hate to see what the $500,000 question would be. They took a lie detecter test before the show, I don't get it, they should be strapped to one live on TV. Have you ever hit a car and not left a note? Hells yeah, I do it all the time. It's called bump and roll parallel parking, does that count? If I say no, does my anxiety shoot through the roof and I am told that I am lying anyway, or do I say yes, and tell America that I am a douche? If your kid comes out and asks if you gambled away his college fund, we already know what the answer is. What's the point? And how are they going to ask the really good questions on network television? Like, do you look at your poo when you are done in the bathroom? Have you ever pleasured yourself at work? In your adult years, have you ever had an accident in your pants? Are there special movies of you posted on the internet? Have you ever put anything in your butt?

Have you ever done anything to make your wife not trust you? What kind of b.s. is that? Do they mean going to a strip club without her knowledge or cheating on her? Those are two completely different things that warrent different punishments. And now America thinks your a douche. Then that poor schmuk walked away with nothing!!!! What a bum. Stupid piece of crap show.

Probably going to keep watching it though.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

One of these days I'm going to watch the pilot episode of a new show and then continue watching it until it ends. Ever since the days of Seinfeld, when I didn't start watching until around Season 3 or 4 and then immediately became hooked, I've been a late arrival to hit shows. It started with Seinfeld, happened again with The Sopranos and 24, and now it continues with Lost. It's like I hear people talk about it around the 3rd or 4th season and feel left out of the conversation, then I'll spend a few weeks catching up to what I missed by running through the DVD's.

Last Friday Jill and I started watching Lost's first season. We flew through the first 10 episodes in a weekend (and it wasn't like we spent 2 full days inside, we actually got other stuff done). The first 2 seasons span 13 DVD's and in 5 evenings we've managed to go through 4 of them. I'd say we're hooked. I'll let you know how it turns out.

If any of you are a fan, feel free to comment on your thoughts of the show. Please don't give away plot points from Season 2 or 3 though. Hopefully I'll be there in a couple weeks.

NOTE: Some Spoilers

"Entourage" had another less than stellar episode last night. Is it impossible for them to come up with a joke or situation that isn't entirely contrived and unfunny? Between Drama continuing to give off vibes that he's into guys, Turtle wanting to date a girl with a psycho father, and Vince/Eric putting all of their efforts into a movie project that I can't see anyone ever wanting to see (would you see a movie called "Medellin"?), this show continues to frustrate me. Why can't they go back to the story-lines that made me want to watch from the beginning: Drama getting road rage, Turtle coming up with Zack Morris-esque money making schemes, and Vince bagging hotties? As the old saying goes, if it ain't broke........

Only 2 episodes left of "The Sopranos". I'm excited if only to see how they plan to wrap up 500 different story-lines in 2 weeks. Have you noticed that they continue to introduce new characters? Wrap it up Boys, we're running out of time. I do appreciate that they're giving tons of screen time to A.J. even though he's never shown the ability to act. As Rob Schneider, Dana Carvey, and Adam Sandler imitating Jerry Seinfeld would say, who are the ad-wizards who came up with that one? This still remains the best show on TV though. Every week, we're treated to a new 1-hour movie. I'm gonna miss it.

If you haven't been paying attention, you probably didn't realize that MTV has given the go-ahead to the biggest no-brainer in television: reuniting the cast of Real World Vegas for another go 'round so we can find out what happens when 7 unrealistically good looking people who like to engage in acts that shouldn't be shown on regular television get together in Vegas again, and start gettin' real. Oh trust me, I will.

And finally, good work Jim. It only took you 3 years, but you done good. Karen was the fun choice that you brag about to your friends. Pam was the right choice for the long-haul. You won't see that on a Hallmark card, but it's the truth. Thursday night's episode was 60 minutes of brilliance. Hopefully Jim won't screw this up Ross Geller-style.