1 Happy St

Jill and I were watching the finale of American Idol on delay last night. By the end of the show, I think we were about 10 or 15 minutes behind the live version. So right as they were coming back from the last commercial break, Jill got a text from a co-worker that said "David Cook YAY!!!!!!!!!"

Son of a.........

One of the things that bothers me about American Idol outside of the obvious things that would bother me (it's cheesy, Paula sucks, the contestants are barely better at singing than non-famous lounge singers, it's an hour of programming stretched to 2 hours over the course of 2 days, etc. etc. etc.) is how the contestants never know anything about music. They're never familiar with the genre from which they get to choose a song, so they always end up butchering the original. Like last night, the genre was rock and roll. Now this is such a huge category that the producers might as well have just called the night "songs that have words in it". That would have been funny, no?

Ryan Seacrest: "It's 'songs that have words in it' night here on American Idol. This week contestants got to choose from a catalog of songs that have words. First up is David Cook who will sing Duran Duran's.......are you kidding me? Duran Duran? Ugh, I need a new job."

Okay, so it's rock and roll night. Admittedly, I love rock and roll. I put dimes in the jukebox baby. No I won't. So what does 17 year old David Archuletta choose as his two rock and roll songs to sing? Ben King's "Stand by Me" and Elvis Presley's "Love me Tender". Now I don't know about you, but when I think rock and roll, I think "stand by me". A bleeping travesty. I'll recap how it transpired:

First he butchered the song. Of course. Then he stood there on stage and smiled awkwardly as young girls in the audience screamed his name. It was right about this time that I puked a little bit for the first time. He continued to stand there awkwardly and licked his lips a little bit. I puked some more. He licked his lips some more. More screaming from the little girls was heard. Finally, he was praised by the judges while he smiled and licked his lips some more. Lather rinse repeat.

And this is a real show on television that I continue to watch every week.

His second choice was even better. He said something about once hearing an Elvis song so he was going to give it a try. At least I think that's what he said; I may have missed the message because I was too pre-occupied trying to come up with ways to injure myself on purpose. So he chose "Love me Tender". Uh huh. The Elvis song he chose on Rock and Bleeping Roll night was Love Me Tender. Not Jailhouse Rock or Hound Dog or That's All Right; you know, something that would have required that he move around on stage and embrace the category. No he chose Love Me Tender. And he pussified it even more by singing it like it was a show tune. Of course the judges loved it, girls screamed, and I puked again.

God I love this show.

Hi everyone!

Its been a while (almost a year!) since I sent out one of these mass emails, but I just wanted to write you guys a quick note on what has been going on with Gina. You may or may not already know that Gina has been living in LA for the past 2 months while she is Co-hosting the FOX Reality show: American Idol Extra. If you haven't caught an episode yet, please try (it is great!) The channel is called FOX Reality (the call sign is REAL). Check this website if you aren't sure if you get the channel: http://www.foxreality.com/ New shows air every week on Thursday night at 6:00pm and 9:00pm (Central time). They replay the episodes throughout the week in case you cant catch one of those. Tonights show is EXTRA special because they will be featuring Gina singing her first ORIGINAL SONG! It is called 'When It Rains' and it is just an acoustic version, but it is a beautiful song and were trying to spread the word about it. We hope to have a full band version available for download very soon. In addition to AI Extra, Gina has been hard at work in writing several other original songs which should be ready to go in the next month or so. We hope to get them on itunes as soon as they are ready. We'll keep you informed.

Starting today, Gina has a BRAND NEW MYSPACE page! www.myspace.com/gigiglocksen

We are also in the process of overhauling her official website (http://www.rocktheglock.com/) and creating a music myspace page where you can hear all of her music. These sites are under construction and we hope they will be done in about a week.

Gina will be singing the National Anthem at the Cubs game on Thursday, July 24th. It is a night game (7:00pm start) and it will be on Comcast if you can't make it to the game. Old Style, the Cubbies, and Gina! It doesn't get better than that (unless you hate the Cubs), but hey. .Gina and OLD STYLE!

Thats all for now. Hope all is well with you. Talk to you soon.

Love
-Joe & Gina

It's been confirmed. Click here for details. Brian encourages jokes at his own expense for being so wrong about our Joe. 1HappySt wishes them happiness.

Word has it that 1HappySt's resident whipping boy has proposed to Gina Glocksen and she said yes. This is not official, just a rumor. Details to follow as soon as we can find them.

First off, I would like to make a quick note of this being 1HappySt's 400th post. It's hard to believe Greg and I have had something stupid and pointless to say 400 times in just over a year, but we've pulled it off. Congratulations to us, and sorry to everyone else.

Secondly, I would like to apologize for this particular post being related to American Idol, making this 2 in a row now. For someone who barely watches the show (yeah right), I sure do have a lot to say about it. But I got a Glockstar update from Joe and it wouldn't be right of me to keep it from you. So here goes (my comments in blue):

Hi everybody!

It probably seems like a long time since you got one of these e-mails from me, huh? Well don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to vote or anything like that. I just wanted to let you all know that Gina will be singing in the big finale tomorrow night. They bring back the Top 12 for the final episode so you’ll get to see all those lovely faces that we’ve missed (and some that we wish we could forget)! <------yes, he really wrote that.

As I'm sure you can imagine, things have been really busy for Gina since she came home (actually she really hasn’t been home much at all). <------classic. She will get to come back to Chicago on Sunday but she only has about 10 days before she goes right back to LA to start preparing for the TOUR! <------not to mention the time when I get that phone call from her that starts off with the words 'we need to talk'. I hope you all got your tickets.

I’ll be sure to keep you posted on our Glockstar, but you can also check out www.rocktheglock.com for more Gina info. As always, thanks for all your continued support!

Love, Joe & Gina

I hope you enjoyed that, I know I did. God Bless our Joe!

Now comes word that everyone's favorite crazy lady Paula Abdul broke her nose over the weekend after she fell while trying to avoid stepping on her Chihuahua. In addition to breaking her nose, she also bruised her arms, chest, and waist, and broke her toe. Poor Paula.

But does anyone really believe this is how it happened? She fell while avoiding her dog? Please. Was there an ACME anvil involved in this by any chance? I think she should release a statement that tells the truth.

"I had just finished my 2nd bottle of Cabernet. As I was walking down the stairs to my wine cellar to fetch another one, I slipped and tumbled down 6 or 7 stairs and landed awkwardly down at the bottom. I'm okay though, and those 3rd and 4th bottles really helped with the pain."

Now THAT'S a story I can get behind.

I'm not sure which will happen first: Joe will stop sending these things or Gina will break up with him. My guess is they'll happen simultaneously.

Hello again fellow Glockstars!

I need you to save the date this coming Wednesday (April 11th). American Idol is going to be following Gina home to tape more on our favorite Idol. The city of Naperville is putting together a big HOMECOMING event for Gina to honor her accomplishments. I don't have the exact details yet other than that it will be this Wednesday. We'd like you ALL to come out and help celebrate. It will probably take place either in Downtown Naperville or at Neuqua Valley High School. I will have more details by Monday and I'll let you all know. Please do your best to be there.

Then there was this one...

Gina will be on a couple of popular daytime shows this Monday. Tune into the Ellen Show, Regis & Kelly, and the Daytime Show to catch our Gina do interviews and SING! There are also plans in the works to have a Welcome home party for all friends and family in the near future, so stay tuned. I'll keep you posted with all the exciting things going on with Gina.
Thanks! Love, Joe

Oh no poor Joe. I'll admit, I'm beginning to like him.

I was hoping we'd get one final email from Joe, and he did not disappoint. So without further adieux (what does that even mean, further adieux? Nevermind, back to the point), here is Joe's curtain call. If you missed his 1st and 2nd installments, click here for #1 and here for #2. And as always, enjoy.

Glockstars, G-Force, Rock the Glock-ers, Friends and Family,

How's everyone doing? I guess I knew I would have to write this e-mail eventually, but I really thought it would be a little later than today. I won't lie, it still stings a bit that our Gina got robbed last night, but we have to do our best to stay positive. We all know that she should not have gone home this early. We all know there are people still on the show less deserving than her. But we also know without a doubt that this is not the end of the road, rather just the beginning. Can you say Chris Daughtry? Every season has a couple of shockers, and this one has had more than usual, but it is reassuring to hear the public outcry for our Gina. You don't have to look or listen very hard to know that almost everybody that watches this show knows she should have stayed. Even people who were admittedly non-Gina fans have come out to show their disbelief. So although it will sting for a couple days, it will pass.

Just remember all that she has accomplished. A tour, an album, songs to download, the COVER OF PEOPLE! She made her mark and it will not be forgotten. We all know that this is just the start for our Glockstar! Keep your chins up, because you know our Gina has her chin up. How classy was her exit song? Have you ever seen anyone draw such true emotion from the fans, the contestants, and even from Ryan!?!?

I would like to thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart for all of your love and support. For the endless redialing and texting. For putting up with all of my annoying e-mails. In these past two months, Gina Glocksen has become a household name. She has gained WORLD-WIDE recognition and adoration. She has seen her dream become a reality, and that would not have been possible without YOU. From the very beginning I have been amazed by all of the support and energy you have shown for our Gina.

I need to ask you for one last favor. . . Do not let this fire burn out. It will take some time for things to start happening for our Gina. The tour will be great but there is much more to come after that. Don't forget about our Gina. Let the world know how much you love her. Go to Americanidol.com and post your love for her. Show your support and let the world know that WE WANT MORE! Go to her fan sites like ROCKTHEGLOCK.COM. Her myspace page should be back up and running soon as well. Keep spreading the love for our Gina. We won't get to see her beautiful face on TV for a couple weeks, but we can't allow her momentum to slow.

With all that being said, Let me be the first to welcome our American Idol home for a much deserved break. Get your rest sweetie, because you have a long and exciting road ahead of you starting in June.

Thank you everyone. We love you so much for all of your support.
The G-Force will always be with you,
Love, -Joe (Gina's #1 fan)

And with that, Joe's cajones have officially been snipped.

Goofy haircut - $8

Ridiculous white suit - $29

Not realizing that Simon was being sarcastic when he complimented your singing - Priceless

It will be interesting to see how the mere mention of SANJAYA affects our total page hits today.

I haven't been following American Idol all that closely but I do know that the Sanjaya craze is sweeping the nation. From what I've seen of Sanjaya, Sanjaya seems to be pretty average. I don't see Sanjaya winning no matter how much hype the media gives to Sanjaya but I do find it fascinating that people actually are trying to argue that Sanjaya is a good singer and they're not just pulling for Sanjaya because America loves an underdog. I could be wrong. Maybe Sanjaya could actually win. I mean, didn't Josh Blue win the last season of Last Comic Standing? If only Sanjaya were disabled too, he'd be a shoo-in!

The following is an actual email update from our favorite Glockstar's boyfriend Joe. As you will see, he may be getting desperate. Enjoy!

The G FORCE is growing stronger each week and the buzz is spreading. Looking for a place to watch and vote? JOE'S on Weed has a viewing party every week if you are close to the city, or 115 Bourbon St if your [sic] on the south side. Just make sure you watch somewhere and VOTE VOTE VOTE!

I was fortunate enough to spend all of last week with Gina and it was such an amazing experience to be a part of. To actually see her living her dream is indescribable, but I want you all to know that YOU are the reason she is getting this chance. She can't do this without you and she continues to send her love and thanks.

As always, thank you for your continued support and votes. We love you! ROCK THE GLOCK!!!

-Joe

If you're a fan of American Idol, then you know that one of the contestants who still remains in the competition as of today is Gina Glocksen of Naperville, IL. But what you probably don't know is that her current boyfriend, Joe, is a friend of a friend of mine. So for the last month or so, I've been privy to emails that Joe has sent out on a distribution list to everyone he knows, begging them to continue voting for her. I have to tell you, each email has become increasingly less masculine than the previous.

A few highlights:

Make sure you all Rock the Glock tonight. If she makes it past tonight, she's guaranteed a spot on the American Idol tour.

Please try to VOTE as many times as you can for the entire two hours, AND please continue to forward this on to as many people as possible. As always, we are eternally grateful for everything you are doing for our GLOCKSTAR!

Keep on ROCKING THE GLOCK and may the G-FORCE be with you!

Doesn't poor Joe realize that right after this is over, his favorite "Glockstar" is dumping him faster than he can say 'why does Justin Timberlake keep calling'?

I used to think that the mediocre live performances by American Idol contestants was simply the result of them being mediocre singers. But after last night, I’m no longer sure. Maybe it’s just that live singing doesn’t come across very well on television. Did any of you happen to catch Diana Ross on the show last night? Was there anything about that performance that made you realize why she’s one of the most famous and successful female singers of all time? It’s too bad the judges weren’t allowed to critique it afterwards. Here’s how it would have sounded (if they were being honest of course)

Randy: "I don’t know dawg, that was just aiiight for me, ya know? It was a little pitchy. Maybe it just wasn’t the right song-choice for you. I don’t know, it was just aiight for me. Paula?"

Paula: "You have a grace and a presence on stage that just……[pause]……comes through when you sing. You look beautiful and you just……[pause]……nonsense nonsense nonsense somebody please kill me."

Simon: "I agree with Randy, that was an utterly forgettable performance, just dreadful actually. You sounded like a cruise singer and you looked like a hooker. Absolutely dreadful."

Diana better get her act together if she wants to make it through to the later rounds.

- That American Idol guy is pretty good.

- I bet if I repeatedly punch the grill on the front of a Dodge truck, I could dent it.

- Watching Reggie Bush dance in the endzone after his touchdown, I couldn’t help but wish that some drunken fan would throw something at him from the stands. Then someone did and I was happy again.

- I have a fun drinking game for you to try if Joe Buck is announcing the game. You have to drink every time he says the word "clearly" as in "clearly his knee was down before the ball came out" or "he clearly got both feet down before falling out of bounds". Guaranteed to get you drunk by the 2nd quarter.

- I make fun of Joe Buck and clearly he annoys me, but in all honesty, I recognize it’s a bigger game whenever he’s involved, and I would have felt cheated yesterday if he wasn’t there. Sometimes I just wish Fox would remember that they’re broadcasting a sporting event and not filming a dramatic movie. Clearly.

- I can't see a "D-Fense" sign in the stands anymore without laughing hysterically. Then I have to explain why I'm laughing to people who don't know. So Alex's wife, I'm sorry.

- I’d hate to be one of those photographers whose job it is to take pictures of the winning coach as he runs to mid-field to shake hands with the losing coach. It seems like that guy is always a few seconds away from being trampled, especially since he has to hold his camera above his head while running backwards.

- I can't believe it took the Coors Light people until now to use the Jim Mora "playoffs" press conference. That's the one I would have started with. Also, they could have done a lot better with the Mike Ditka version. I can think of 2 or 3 press conference clips of Mike Ditka off the top of my head that are better than the one's they're using.

- Knowing what I know about the end of Sunday’s game, I’m now setting the over/under at 5 for the number of text messages I get in 2 weeks if the Bears win again, and I feel extremely confident taking the over.

- Don’t you hate the guy who scribbles his name in his square so badly that you can’t read it? I hate not knowing who won.

- Speaking of squares, I was told to "root for the Bears, not for the squares". While I’m glad the Bears won, it would have been even better if I was collecting money today.

- We got our Rexy back, yeah! Those motha-Colts won’t know how to act, yeah!

- Sorry ‘bout that. Go Bears!

- I think it was quite the bad omen for the guy who dressed himself up like Apollo Creed. I guess nobody told him that he was dressed like Creed from the Ivan Drago fight where he died from severe head injuries.

- If Jewel wants to replace Paula, I’d have no problem with that. She didn’t really add anything as far as judges go, but she’s more fun to look at and I don’t think she’s insane.

- Anyone else notice that they were letting marginally talented singers on to the next round in Hollywood? My guess is it's because the judges were tired of saying no to everyone, but this does not bode well for future episodes where actual singing talent is necessary to carry the show.
- I can’t help but wonder if the girl who was brought to the audition with her boss and her boss’s wife watched the episode Tuesday night with the two of them present. Talk about awkward.

- I don’t think I’ve ever met a real crack baby. Or maybe I have, but I just didn’t know it. Either way, I’m rooting for the crack baby. Bonus points for her since her friend outside the audition room looked like Dave Chappelle when he plays an actual crack addict.

- Wouldn’t it have been easier to simply unlock the left door?

- The 19-year-old blond girl may have to fix her teeth if she expects America to vote for her down the road. I know that sounds shallow, but it’s going to be tough to listen to her when we can’t take our eyes off those two gaps.

- It was only a promo for Wednesday’s episode, but I already feel bad for the little guy with the crazy eyebrows and his chubby friend.

- My final grade for Tuesday night’s episode – C. Maybe the whole idea behind the early episodes is wearing thin, or maybe the judges have simply run out of humorous facial expressions for the people who suck. But I hope Minneapolis is not an indication of how the rest of the auditions will go.