1 Happy St

I have a policy of never speaking in ancient languages, like Greek or Aramaic or Latin, et cetera.

I don't think I'm a racist, but I really don't understand the Blue Man Group.

I took an online quiz to see if I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I took it 6 times to be sure it was accurate.

Ice Cube, Ice-T, and Vanilla Ice are all washed up. I think we can blame global warming.

That reminds me of the time I saw Tone Loc at Disney World. I yelled, "Hey, it's Ice-T! Oh no. It's just Tone Loc." Yes, I said "just Tone Loc". And yes, he heard me. And yes, I'm white.

This is a golf story, but I'll fill you in anyway. Kelly Tilghman is an anchor for the Golf Channel. Yes, golf has a channel. Last Friday during a broadcast from the Mercedez-Benz Championship, Tilghman offered up some advice to golfers who want to try to beat Tiger Woods by saying they should "lynch him in a back alley." Tiger Woods. A black golfer. They should lynch him. Racial overtones. Yeah you get it. Tilghman's comments got her suspended from the Golf Channel for 2 weeks. End of story, right?

Have any of you heard about this story? Apparently, this 31-year-old man named John Haley of Chicago likes to go around pushing Asian fishermen into Lake Michigan in the early morning hours. He did it on July 31st and the fisherman survived. Then he did it again in the early morning of September 1st, but this particular fisherman couldn't swim, so he died.

What kind of hobby is this?

The story gets weirder. Haley is an anti-racist skinhead. I didn't even know that existed. He's part of a group called S.H.A.R.P., which stands for SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice.

And his hobby apparently targets Asian fishermen.

How much irony can one story have?

And what kind of moronic anti-racism group shaves their heads? Why not go the whole 9 yards and wear white sheets on their heads?

My head is spinning.

This column was forwarded to me by a friend of mine. I implore you to read it. It's about baseball (kind of), but even if baseball is not your thing, I'm still imploring you to read it. Please.

See if you can spot the sexism, racism, and general insanity of Andy Rooney. How is this man still alive?

Maybe he isn't.

I absolutely love.... LOVE!!! that while trying to apologize for calling the Rutger's women's basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed hos", radio personality Don Imus actually used the phrase "you people" in his interview with Al Sharpton. Stories like that scratch me where I itch. That has to be one of the worst apologies for racism ever, but at least he didn't bring a bucket of KFC as a peace offering.