1 Happy St

- If you really think about it, the letter "X" doesn’t really need to ecksist. I say we find a new place for helicopters to land, give Malcolm a different last name, call it a ‘zylophone’, and get rid of it altogether.

- Come to think of it, what’s with this ‘ph’ sounding like an ‘f’? I understand the rule, but has anyone ever asked why? It makes no phreakin' sense.

- What was the best invention before sliced bread came along?

- Keith Richards is reporting today that the story about him snorting his dad was just a joke. I don’t get it though. It must be more ironic funny than Ha Ha funny.

- Why do we go to all the trouble of washing our vegetables before eating them, but we don’t find it necessary to clean the top of our Coke can before popping it open?

- I think salt should be blue so that I can see how much I’ve added (courtesy of Jill).

- Is it possible to eat at Arby’s and not feel like a big loser?

- Wouldn’t it be funny if a rich White Socks fan bought the Cubs and then traded all their good players to the South Side?

- A clever Cubs fan could then ask the question, isn’t "rich White Socks fan" an ocksymoron?

- A clever White Socks fan could then ask the question, isn’t "good Cubs players" an ocksymoron?

- I’m glad baseball is back.

Every once in a while, I'll read about something that will completely blow me away in its craziness. Whether it's a story about the girl from E. Michigan U. visiting the frat house or the group of people demanding that the magician return the fairy back to its resting place or the couple from Sweden who's suing their government over the right to name their child 'Metallica' <---courtesy of Maegan. But then a story like this comes along and trumps them all:

Keith Richards, the 63-year-old guitarist of the Rolling Stones, said he snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine. "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME. "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

I don't have a joke to add, a commentary, or even a quip. I have nothing. There's absolutely nothing to add. Keith Richards is the craziest man on the planet. Well I guess that's a commentary, albeit a slight one. I think I may be done for the day.