1 Happy St

If you're at all like me (and I know you are), you spend a lot of your free time coming up with a person or persons to be pissed at. No? That's not you? Yeah it's not me either. But sometimes it could be cleansing to have some hatred. So I'm going to do you a favor and give you a group of people you can devote a full day's worth of hatred towards.

The executives at AIG.

I defy you read that story and not wish personal harm on each of their executives. I defy you read that story and not at least contemplate [generic activity that's probably illegal that I'm not typing on line]. Go ahead. Try to. It's not happening.

From Melissa:

P. Diddy changed his name again back to Puff Daddy. I think he should leave it up to the fans to mix it up a little. I would choose Puffy Combs. Or does that sound too much like cereal?

We all remember where we were when it happened. I was sitting on my couch in my living room all by myself. Even I'll admit that I was rooting for the Cubs to close out that game. You know? Like holy sh##, the friggin' Cubs are going to the World Series. That's weird to say.

But then that happened. Over there in that small picture on the right. Busted Steve Bartman. Sticks out his moron arms and interferes with the ball, costs the Cubs an out, eventually leads to a bunch more runs being scored, a loss in Game 6, a loss in Game 7, no World Series, blah blah blah, you remember it.

I'm not among those people who give Steve the benefit of the doubt. Some people have said that any fan in that situation would have done the same thing. You know what? Not me. I'm not a moron. There's no way I'm going anywhere near that ball. I think we're selling ourselves short when we say we would have done the same thing. Interfering with your own team in any game is borderline retarded, let alone the 8th inning of a Game 6. Other people say that Moises Alou wouldn't have caught the ball anyway. You know what? Bull sh##. He would have caught that f#cking ball.

Or would he have?

Now Moises himself is saying he wouldn't have caught it. What an a-hole. Is he kidding us? He wouldn't have caught the ball? And he's waited 4 and a half years to say it? While letting the whole world blame Steve this whole time? What a bleeping son of a.......Man, that's lame. The part that gets me is he says it so non-chalantly, like people wouldn't make a big deal about it.

Moises Alou, you are hereby given jag-bag status.

I didn't want to mention the "Mr. Clemens Goes to Washington" debacle from Wednesday because everybody who has a forum to do so has already done it. I'll admit it was fantastic theater, but there was really nothing left to say. But then along came this story in The New York Times, where Everybody's Favorite Congressional House Committee Chairman Henry Waxman (or as I'll call him, EFCHCCHW), decided to let us in on his afterthoughts.

The quote from EFCHCCHW that jumps out at me: "I’m sorry we had the hearing. I regret that we had the hearing. And the only reason we had the hearing was because Roger Clemens and his lawyers insisted on it."

Uh, isn't he the EFCHCCHW? The top dog? Who (or is it whom?) does he answer to? The President? If that? And he's saying he only had the hearing because friggin' Roger Clemens (a friggin' baseball player) and his friggin' lawyers (of which EFCHCCHW is probably one too, only on a much grander scale) were the one's who friggin' requested it?

I'm calling shenanigans. No, I'm going beyond shenanigans. This was full-blown no-look behind-the-back alley-oop bullshit.

EFCHCCHW is indeed a "jag-bag".

h/t Buster Olney's blog

1HappySt's original jag-bag lost his case. 1HappySt rejoices.

So now it seems that Josh Hancock's dad is suing everyone involved with the death of his son. If you're not familiar with Josh Hancock, he was the pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals who got crazy drunk at a bar one night last month, hopped into his rented Ford Explorer (along with his gi-normous bag of weed), drove for a couple miles before slamming into the back of a tow truck that was tending to a stalled car in the left lane of the highway he was traveling on. Of course, he was also on his cell phone at the time. He died upon impact.

It's being reported today that Josh Hancock's dad is suing the owner of the bar that Josh was at because they over-served him. Also being sued is the tow truck driver because no road flares were put out. And inexplicably, his dad is even suing the poor kid whose car had broken down because he "was negligent in allowing [his] vehicle to reach the point where it stalled on the highway."

My question though is why is Josh's dad stopping there? Why not sue the makers of Jack Daniels for making a product that impairs judgment and vision? Why not sue Ford for making an SUV that can't withstand the impact of slamming into the back of a tow truck? Why not sue the state of Missouri for not making the highway wider? Or even better, why not sue God for making it dark outside?

Sometimes you just have to admit that the fault lies with the victim. I feel bad for Josh's dad that he lost his son, but I think he deserves jag-bag status for this one.

Have you heard about this guy? He's a judge in Washington D.C. named Roy Pearson and he's suing the immigrant owners of a dry-cleaning business for $65 million because they lost a pair of his pants. That's right, you heard me correctly. He's taking advantage of a loophole in the judicial system that allows him to sue a small business for a ridulous amount. Why? I guess it's because he's an enormous jag-bag. I will now proceed to pepper his name, Roy Pearson, throughout the rest of this blog entry in hopes that somebody important will read this and demand that he, Roy Pearson, be removed from his duties as judge. I also hope that someone will find another loophole in the system that allows small-business owners like the owners of this dry-cleaner to countersue jag-bags like Roy Pearson for putting them through hell just because they felt like it. Jag-bags like Roy Pearson need to be stopped.

[Editors note: I use the term 'jag-bag' in the highest of esteem, just in case the jag-bag Roy Pearson ever reads this and decides to sue me for defamation]