1 Happy St

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- That Guy who tells you how many beers he’s had. Okay Punchy, let’s take it down a notch.

- That Neighbor who bought a copy of Monster Ballads and then decided that the whole neighborhood was probably in the mood for some Mr. Big and Cinderella while he worked on his car in the driveway. Or was that Warrant? Oh no, it was Slaughter. My bad.

- In all honesty, I actually like that Mr. Big song. Hold on little girl…….sorry bout that, let’s get back to the list.

- That Guy who likes Mr. Big.

- That Guy who always wins at beanbags.

- That Guy who takes his shirt off at the football game when it’s in the teens.

- Anybody who says “Let’s take it down a notch”.

- That waiter who knows too much about the wine list. Just fill the glass Skeezik.

- That Guy who manages to tackle me even though we’re playing flag football.

- That Guy who shows up to flag football wearing his old High School football jersey (usually the same guy who ends up tackling me). This guy will also be sure to remind everyone that he used to be good back in the day and his high school almost won state. No, I’m not bitter.

- That Guy who smokes only when he drinks. He’ll be sure to tell you that he only smokes when he drinks. I think he should do it more often. And take up crack too.

- That Guy who golfs in the 70’s and then says “I did okay but it wasn’t my best”.

- Is this going to end soon?

- Okay last one. Still Joe Morgan.

That Guy that says ‘who do I look like, John Rockefeller?’ when you ask to borrow a quarter or something. The ‘what do I look like, a bank?’ guy should probably go too, so perhaps we should just retire the whole analogy and simply hand over the quarter.

That Girl who says she gets along better with guys. Yeah, you know why? Because other women hate you. And you know why they hate you? Because you’re a flirt who hits on their boyfriend.

That Guy who pees on the seat. C’Mon man, lift it or aim straight.

That Guy who takes a smoke break during the movie, then comes back to his seat wreaking like an ashtray. You couldn’t wait 2 hours?

The one-upper. You never had a car that went that fast, and you never dated that celebrity. Get over yourself.

People who say 'exclamation mark'. Although if they said 'question point', I would totally let that slide because that would just be funny.

That Girl who shows her thong. Either pull your pants all the way down, or pull them all the way up. Don’t give me none of this halfway crap.

That Guy who talks about the gym. I get it, you’re working on your pecs. I don’t care. Push on.

That Guy who doesn’t turn down his radio when he pulls into the driveway. I’m all for jamming during the drive, but once you’ve reached your destination, turn it down. Your music sucks anyway.

Bar owners who charge cover when there’s no band playing. You’re already charging $8 a beer, now you’re gonna charge me $20 just to get in?

Joe Morgan

That Guy or Girl who puts the top down on their convertible, but the windows are up. Are you kidding me? That’s a joke, right? Please tell me somebody paid you to do that.

People who leave their food in the refrigerator at work for weeks. Heaven forbid I can find a place for my lunch that I brought in TODAY, instead I have to stack it on top of somebody’s month-old meatloaf.

That Guy who blogs his random thoughts and complaints. Nobody cares Man, nobody cares.

Who can still wear wife-beaters, knowing they're called wife-beaters? I used to have a wife-beater but I just couldn't continue wearing it with a clear conscience. That's not to mention that it clashed with my child-rapist trousers.

I'm going to a University of Michigan basketball game tonight. I couldn't name you a single Michigan basketball player (is Chris Webber still on the team?) so I'm going to be that guy. At least I recognize it. I can't wait to stand up and yell "In the FACE!" when the horn sounds after the first half.

Is it wrong of me that I'm making my 6 year old save his money to buy the Wii? It's really going to be just for me.

I disagree with Brian's opinion on Jewel. She should never have gotten her teeth "fixed". I kinda dug the snaggle-tooth look. Plus, back then she was the girl who was living out of a van and homeless girls are cool. Remember that homeless girl that Zach met at the mall when Screech was supposed to be buying U2 tickets? She was hot.

I don't like that pistachio ice cream is the same color as mint ice cream. I will never just assume green = mint ever again.

I always found it annoying that some bubblegum comes in "bubblegum" flavor. Can they really get away with that? The bubblegum industry is the only example I could think of that does this. Would we accept if they started calling Original Pringles "potato flavored"?

Does petroleum jelly come in that giant tub so blind guys will be able to find it easier?

I applaud the people who recognized the necessity to make sure Vaseline had a top that pops off, while the Vicks Vapor Rub has a twist-off cap.

Watching "The Real World" is exactly like watching monkeys at the zoo. They're put in this faux "real-life" habitat so we can observe them fight, chase, get it on and throw crap at each other. Ok... maybe not exactly. But close.

According to Google, I'm the first person to ever use the phrase "child-rapist trousers". I'm a little weirded out though that Google asked me if I actually meant "date rape dungarees".