1 Happy St

Headline seen: Prognosis on [Kerry] Wood not good
You know, if he was a horse, he'd have been shot by now.

Okay, so Al Gore's house uses a lot of energy. Sure, that would make him a hypocrite, but does that make his message wrong?

And Mr. Gore, if what you say is true, I really don't think me changing out my lightbulbs is gonna fix it. Come to me when you have a real solution. I'd even be willing to pay higher utility bills.

You know what the best part of a 75 degree day in late March is? There's potential for 6 more months of this.

But seriously, guy with the lawnmower on Sunday morning, was that really necessary?

Why doesn't every Major League Baseball team play the same schedule? I understand the reasoning in football (it's only a 16 game schedule). But the baseball season is 162 games. I think that's more than enough time to make it even.

You can always tell when the service representative you're on the phone with either gets his phone monitored or is surveyed afterwards by the customer. For the record Shaun from Chrysler Roadside Assistance, you did an excellent job.

Have you ever noticed that baking soda is used for like 218 different things, none of which are baking?

"You know, you've been dressing a lot nicer since you got married" is not a compliment. Neither is "so, the wife's got you cooking now?"

Every time I see a newspaper headline that references Global Warming, I quickly move right past the article without even reading it. I get it; it’s getting warmer and it’s our fault. Just please stop telling me about it. Instead, how about we figure out how to fix it? Every time I'm given a tip on what I can do personally to thwart Global Warming, I do it, but then I continue to see the headlines almost daily. So if we can’t figure out a real solution to the problem short of asking everyone to stop exhaling, then can we please shut up about it and enjoy the nice weather?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go outside and spray an aerosol can directly towards the sky.

Let me reply if I may to one part of Brian's previous post. He mentioned global warming. According to a report every other day, the world is nearing the so-called "tipping point" of global warming. I guess this means that if we don't mind our Ps and Qs (not to mention our CFC's) its gonna start getting toasty.

I'm not a scientist so I'm not going to get into the facts surrounding it. But let me just say that it seems to me that we've been hearing the same points for about 30 years now. The ice caps are still there and Chicago isn't ocean front property yet.

Maybe the reason all these "environmental experts" like Al Gore feel like its getting warmer is from the friction caused by all their collective hand-wringing?

I'm reminded of the old George Carlin bit where he says that when we talk about saving the Earth, really all we're saying is that we're trying to save ourselves.

"The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun?"

Am I advocating that we all go out tonight and burn tires and styrofoam and flush the plastic things that hold 6-packs together down the toilet? No, of course not. But have the facts of global warming ever been open to debate? There are REAL scientists around today who are unwilling to discuss it in the open forum because they'll be immediate ostracized by scientific community because of the faction of advocates that have hijacked the debate.

I do think that as a whole, American society is about as environmental as we're ever going to get. We carpool, we recycle, and when we see freaks on the street, we never stare, but we're also careful not to look away because we want the freaks to feel comfortable.

Anyway, I just don't think that the threat of "global warming" is scary enough to most people. Most Americans live in cold weather climates. Tell Steve Van Der Hoeffen from Fargo that he won't have to shovel 4 feet of snow in a couple years and I doubt ol' Steve will rush out to buy a Prius.

If McDonald’s fries are cooked the same way every time, why can I differentiate between good one’s and bad one’s?

Speaking of McDonald’s, why is their fountain Coke better than everyone else’s? And why is KFC’s the worst?

I can’t think of one show on Television that I can relate to on a personal level.

Why did they stop making that big red plastic “bomb” bat?

Is it really all that impossible to find 30 people in the whole world who can consistently kick a football 50 yards and straight?

I keep hearing about Global Warming as a worldwide problem, but I haven’t heard anyone mention a solution for it yet. And no, you’re not taking away my car, so come up with something else.

Why do people say that a clock is slow when it’s actually just behind?

Wouldn’t it have been easier to put a man on the moon than it would have been to come up with a conspiracy that we put a man on the moon?