1 Happy St

If any of you are a fan of (or have extreme hatred for) the Food Network show "Dinner: Impossible", you'll enjoy this story about the host Robert Irvine. If the details from that story are true, this guy is quite a trip. He has had plans to open a couple restaurants in St. Petersburg, FL that would turn the town into "the next Monaco" (quotes his). Unfortunately, things have not worked out and St. Petersburg remains St. Petersburg.

Some of the things he's (allegedly) lied about:

His Claim - He got a B.S. in food and nutrition from the University of Leeds.
The Truth - The University of Leeds claims they have no connection with him whatsoever.

His Claim - He worked on Prince Charles and Diana's wedding cake.
The Truth - The school he was attending at the time made the cake. He was attending that school at the time, but he had nothing to do with the cake.

His Claim - He is a KCVO Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order and he was given a castle by the queen of England.
The Truth - This is a story he told in jest while at a bar and admits he tried to stop it from spreading.

I love it. Although I have a friend who is no better than Robert. I was with him one time when he told this girl at a bar that he was the 2nd string linebacker for the Bears. If I remember correctly, she immediately called shenanigans.

I have another study that I would like to call shenanigans on. Admittedly, the conclusion that the study reached is probably accurate, but I prefer to look at it from a different angle.

According to the study, kids who watch too much television at a young age will be at a greater risk of developing attention problems as they get older. My goodness, it's really cold in here. Well I watched a lot of television when I was a kid, and I think I'm fine. Sure I probably have attention issues, but who doesn't? I think my car is out of gas. I better get some at lunch so that I won't have to on my way home.

Focus Brian.

Watching too much television isn't a bad thing. If anything, it's a way to bring kids together. Remember when you were a kid and you'd have conversations with some friends of yours about a show on Nickelodeon or something, then there would always be that one kid who felt left out because they didn't have cable? Isn't childhood isolation much worse than simple attention issues as an adolescent or adult? I'd say so. Wouldn't you much rather be able to join in during classroom discussions about "Double Dare" or "Hey Dude" or "You Can't Do That On Television" than being able to focus your brain for more than 30 minutes? Of course.

So let's put these studies to bed. Don't go outside and don't join any clubs. Put down the books and turn on the tube. It's what you want. It's what we all want. I hope I remembered to turn off the coffee pot this morning.

Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Don't do drugs.

Studies like this one bother me. Particularly bothersome are the comments from "the experts" that are usually associated with them.

The study shows that food wrapped in McDonald's packaging tastes better than identical food that is not wrapped in McDonald's packaging, at least according to the preschoolers who were part of the experiment. Well I call shenanigans. The food doesn't taste better. The wrapping is cooler.

From the article: Study author Dr. Tom Robinson said the kids’ perception of taste was "physically altered by the branding." The Stanford University researcher said it was remarkable how children so young were already so influenced by advertising.

Nonsense. Their perception of taste wasn't physically altered. Kids like the idea of going to McDonald's. To them, McDonald's represents going out to eat. They like Ronald. They like the playland. They like Hamburgler. Is he still around? I don't think so. Not the point. The point is that this is completely reasonable. I'd be more shocked if the study found something different.

Adults do the same thing. Have you ever liked a car simply because it was a Mercedes or a Cadillac or a BMW? Have you ever thought that maybe if the exact same car said Kia on it rather than Mercedes or Cadillac or BMW, you would feel less enthused about it? Of course you would. Kia sucks. Also not the point (and no offense to any owners of Kia). The point again is that this is completely reasonable.

Now these experts are shocked at the results? Personally, I'm shocked that they're shocked. And shocked that they even took the time to study something like this.

Go cure something.

I may have to call shenanigans on this story. The details:

A group of upscale friends are enjoying themselves in one of their backyards, eating steak, drinking wine, probably telling jokes (although this could not be confirmed), and pretty much just carrying on and celebrating the fact that they are all upscale friends who can enjoy steak and wine in a backyard. Enter the hooded gunman (whom we'll call Marty) through an open gate. Marty takes his gun and holds it up to the head of a 14 year old girl (whom we'll call Missy), who is attending the party with her parents. Marty begins to demand cash or he'll shoot poor Missy square in the head. However, party-goer Cha Cha Rowan (her name, not a name I gave her) has other plans.

"We're just finishing up dinner," says Cha Cha. "Rather than waving that gun around and frightening Missy, why don't you instead join us for some wine?"

"Funny you should mention that," says Marty. "I'm quite the wine connoisseur. You wouldn't by chance have a bottle of Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry, would you?"

"Do we?" asks Cha Cha sarcastically. "What kind of party would we be if we didn't have Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry? Here, take a sip of this."

[Marty takes a sip]

"Damn that's good," he says. "How 'bout a group hug?"

[Everybody forms a circle and hugs, Marty shares a tearful goodbye with his new friends and leaves]

"Come back Sunday," yells Cha Cha. "We're all watching Entourage."