1 Happy St

If you're wondering how my friends and I celebrated New Years Eve, look no further. I videotaped our entire evening. I bet your celebration didn't "top that".

I hope you all enjoyed your New Years Eve and New Years Day. Mine was low-key this year, as it has been the last 2 or 3 years now. What is it about New Years Eve? I've been celebrating it for 10 years or so now (and by "celebrating", I mean drinking boat-loads of Jack Daniels, as well as that one year when I took on Red Bull and vodka), and as I look back, there's probably only been 2 or 3 of them that were truly memorable. And yes, the Red Bull and vodka night was one of them, minus the morning after when it felt like I had been hit in the head with a hammer. There's something to be said for the guy who decides to make it a Red Bull and vodka night. It's really a 3-day commitment. Those of you who have had a Red Bull and vodka night know what I'm talking about. Those of you who have not, you're probably better off.

Anyway, Jill and I decided to shake off our hangovers by making our New Years Day a movie day. I've been wanting to see "Juno" since I read this line from Roger Ebert's column when it first came out: "this is one of those rare movies that you want to watch by yourself with your shirt off while eating a block of cheese." No shirt? A block of cheese? All by myself? I'm sold. Okay, he didn't really write that, but he made it his top pick of the year, so I was excited. And he was right, it was great. Terrific performances all around. I have a feeling that every Ellen Page and Michael Cera movie for the next 5-10 years will continue being must-sees, as long as we don't begin reading stories about either of them hanging out in L.A. clubs with Lindsay Lohan. Is there someone we can get in touch with to make sure this doesn't happen?

For our evening pick, we weren't as fortunate. We got home, ate some pizza, and ordered "I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry" on PPV. I didn't have high hopes going in, but I also wasn't expecting 1 hour and 57 minutes of suck. Turns out it was 1 hour and 57 minutes of suck. The other 3 minutes of this 2-hour suck-fest was the partially naked Jessica Biel scene. That was pretty cool. Actually it wasn't; even that scene was lame. There was nothing about this movie that I could recommend to anyone. It was racist, gayist (I still don't use the term "homophobic" because it doesn't make any sense. Then again, neither does "gayist". We need a better term for something that's anti-gay. How about "anti-gay"?), sexist, and I'm sure a bunch of other "ist's" that I can't think of right now. Do not under any circumstances pay money to see this movie. Wait until it's on HBO, then call up your cable or satellite provider, cancel HBO for showing this crap, and then wait until it's on TBS.

My final tally - Juno good, Chuck and Larry bad.

I no longer deserve to live.

Someone just told me to "take the rest of the year off" and I actually chuckled... instead of beating him about the head with my keyboard.

But I swear, if one person says to me, "See you next year" on my way out of the building, I'm going to come at them like a spider monkey!

New Years is a stupid holiday if you think about it. All we're really celebrating is a date on a calendar that was chosen arbitrarilly. The Gregorian calendar (yes this blog is just an excuse for me to use the word "Gregorian") could have just as easilly be written with December as the first month instead of January. Then at least we wouldn't have to wait 50 days to play the dang Rose Bowl!

Even the ways in which we celebrate this holiday are retarded. Can someone please explain Auld Lang Syne to me? And gathering in New York to watch a big ball drop? Why? What kind of stupid tradition is that? Watching a giant clock I can understand, but what is the significance of the frigging ball? All it does is drop. Slowly. Until it stops. Ohhhh, how exciting, get the kids!!!

Personally I just think that New Years Eve is just a consipiracy put forth by the American Broadcasting Company so they can get their money's worth out of their animatronic "Dick Clark" robot. Oh yeah, you didn't know that Dick Clark's been dead since the 70's? Just look at those soul-less eyes. Of course he's a robot. He'll be paid off in 2016.