1 Happy St

Today, dozens of rallys have been taking place all across the country to mark the 33rd aniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. If you've been under a rock, that's the supreme court decision in which a woman (Roe) wanted to terminate her pregnancy. Her unborn baby (Wade) disagreed with that course of action but was ultimately overruled by the high court. And so with that decision, the 'right to choose' was finally a reality.

Unless you are a state. In which case, you no longer had the right to choose. The federal government will be doing all the choosing from now on.

And unless you are the father of the unborn baby. In which case, your choice was already used up when you decided to go with the condoms with the plain black and white wrapper because the other ones were too expensive.

And unless you are the unborn baby. In which case, you don't get to choose because mommy knows what's best for you. I mean she's already proven that she can make good decisions which is how she ended up in the back seat of that Prius anyway. It's not every day you have the opportunity to get nailed by someone who loves the movie Mona Lisa Smile as much as you do!

It's recently been reported that something like 10 million female babies have been aborted in India in the last 20 years (and can you blame them? Have you ever seen Indira Ghandi? She made Golda Meir look like Margaret Thatcher! Which reminds me.... Maggie, thanks for adding me to your MySpace friends! Your new pic is HOT!). But I wonder why we haven't heard any feminists complaining about this? One would think that organizations like the National Organization of Women would have something to say about the extermination of so many potential future female activists.

This makes me think of the confusion if someone were to open a clinic to perform animal abortions. I think we might see some heads explode trying to figure out where they stood on that dilemma. But our neighbor's cat Fluffy has a right to choose too! You think she wants to give up her career of sitting on the top of the couch and watching me shovel the driveway to raise a bunch mini-Fluffys? I say we give her a place where she can terminate that litter of unwanted kitten fetuses. And judging by the sounds coming from our bushes last night, someone better open that clinic soon.

But maybe we've all been pre-programmed to go along with this from the beginning? What are a family of kittens called? A litter. Where do cat's poop? In the litter box! Don't you see? Cats have been trying to tell us all along what they think of their offspring. They are POOP! And if you have a problem with kitten abortions then you are pro-poop!