1 Happy St

I work with a guy who is dating a girl who thought that the city of Miami is located in Hawaii. No joke, he showed me the text message she sent him that said "I thought Miami was in Hawaii".

Now let's set aside the fact of how ridiculous this is. She's presumably a grown woman who lives in the United States* who doesn't know where Miami is. But if you were this dumb, would you admit it over text? Or would you think to yourself, "you know what, Miami is a pretty famous city. I hear it referenced all the time. I could have sworn it was in Hawaii, but this guy is saying it's not. Now if it just so happens that he's right and Miami isn't located in Hawaii, admitting that I thought it was would kind of make me sound like a moron. Maybe I should google that son-bitch before sending this text out"? No, she wasn't having that. She was just going to put it out there that she was indeed a moron, consequences be damned.

* Then again, I wouldn't put it past this particular co-worker of mine to be dating someone who is neither a grown woman nor a legal resident.

So I ask this co-worker, "how can you date someone who's that dumb?" He says, "are you serious? I'm dating her BECAUSE she's that dumb."

I'm so glad I'm married.

I think all first dates should involve a polygraph test. Questions could be asked like "do your parents still pay your bills for you" or "do you have continued contact with an ex" or "have you ever had anything repossessed" or "can you read". Think about all the things this would accomplish that dinner and a movie wouldn’t. I bet I know what Jill’s first question to me would have been: "do you ever eat in bed?" I would have answered with "occasionally", and then she would have ended it right there.

Hmm, maybe my idea isn’t so good after all.