1 Happy St

"Johnny" is talking loudly near "Billy's" desk.

Billy: "Hey Johnny, someone on the other side of the floor wants to talk to you."
Johnny: "Who?"
Billy: "It doesn't matter. Pick someone."
Johnny: "Okay I get it."

Guy 1: "Hey good morning. How you doin' today?"

Guy 2: "Not bad. You?"

Guy 1: "Can't complain. A little bit of cold. A little bit of snow. Other than that I'm alright."

Guy 2: "Yeah a little bit of cold never hurt anybody. Well except for that guy from Minnesota who died."

Guy 1: "Hey did you hear that they adjusted the atomic clock by one second during New Years?"

Guy 2: "No I didn't hear that. Did I lose a second or did I gain a second?"

Guy 1: "You lost a second."

Guy 2: "Son of a bitch. I can't catch a break."

Guy 1: I bet you a dollar that I can make this shot.
Guy 2: I bet you $5 that you miss it.
Guy 1: Wait, so you wanna bet $6 then?
Guy 2: No, just $5.
Guy 1: What about the original dollar?
Guy 2: Okay fine. Your dollar plus my $5.
Guy 1: So $6 then?
Guy 2: No. It’s two separate bets.
Guy 1: But it’s for the same thing.
Guy 2: Whatever, you’re not making it regardless.

At least he didn't say "irregardless"

Oh shit, more snow on my car. Bad day.
Hmm, very little traffic this morning. That’s odd. But good day.
My nose is kind of stuffed up. Bad day.
A full pot of coffee is waiting for me in the break room. Good day.
SL is talking real loudly about her kids again. Bad day.
Management is serving lunch to celebrate Christmas. Good day.
I didn’t know about that beforehand, so I brought a lunch. Bad day.
Hey but now I have a lunch for tomorrow. Good day.
Sam keeps asking me for my opinion in his confidence pool. Bad day.
This Fruit Punch G2 tastes delicious. Good day.
Why does this guy keep emailing me? Bad day.
Hey, did you see that caramello is being sold in the break room? Good day.

I think I may have some food issues.

The US Postal Service has two mailboxes side by side on the 1st floor of my building. Each of the mailboxes has the pickup times posted on the front. The one on the left shows pickup times of 10 AM and 5 PM while the one on the right shows only one pickup time at 10 AM. Isn't that odd? I see a couple problems:

One, who in their right mind would put their outgoing mail in the box that only picks up at 10:00? Let's say you arrive at the boxes at like 9:45. Are you going to risk the chance that maybe the carrier was early that day, meaning it wouldn't get picked up for a full day? Hell no. You're gonna put it in the box that picks up at 10 AND 5 to eliminate the risk.

Two, who is this lazy mail carrier that only checks one box in the evening? THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER! It wouldn't even take more time. These aren't those big blue mail boxes that you see on the street. No, they're the ones that are built right into the wall that probably have bins beneath them to catch whatever gets put in.

"Hmm, there's a letter in the 10 o'clock bin. Fuck that, I'm not picking it up. It can wait 'til tomorrow. We have to play by the rules as they're posted or else there's anarchy. Plus I'm a lazy ass."

I'm probably over-thinking this.

Her: What's your email address?
Me: bs1594@______.com
Her: Is that "B" as in Bosco, "S" as in South Africa?
Me: I guess.

I just had a conference call that went like this:

Her: Hi who joined?
Me: This is Brian.
Her: Hi Brian. You know we don't need you today so you can drop off.
Me: Okay bye.

Work's got me so stressed right now.

These are the kinds of pointless conversations you would have if you were me:

Him: "I don't know how old you were in the 1980's, but blah blah blah market crash blah blah blah oil prices blah blah blah economy blah blah same thing blah blah blah more stuff on the economy blah blah blah in 1987 blah blah blah and then again a few years later."

Me: "Well I was of varying ages in the 1980's because it spanned 10 years."

Him: "What?"

Here's how that entire conversation went in my head: "Wait for it, wait for it, don't pay attention to what he's saying, wait for it, wait for it, the joke sucks but you should still use it, wait for it, wait for it, NOW!"

My cell phone rings.

Him (laughing): "Hey Man, I totally just saw you picking your nose."

Me (confused): "Yeah? Where are you?"

Him: "I'm right behind you. You just passed me at the toll booth."

Me: "I'm in the office right now."

Him: "Oh. Wait, okay it's not you. He looks like you though and he drives a Magnum just like yours."

Me: "I drive a Jeep."

Him: "Oh. Never mind."

"What you have now in [Derrick] Rose is a guy who can penetrate and put the ball in."

Sometimes it's too easy. Although I'm of the opinion that if you're putting the ball in, you're doing it wrong.

Guy 1: what state is it in?
Guy 2: keniticiut

Ooo, so close.

I walked into a hotbox earlier today. I don't know who did it, but it was nasty and slightly stale. When I got to my floor, people were getting on the elevator just as I was getting off of it, so I have no doubt that they thought I was the culprit. You know, it's one thing to get blamed for a hotbox when it was actually yours, but getting blamed for someone else's hotbox just isn't fair.

I gotta say, today has been a good day. Sometimes it's the little things, but for some reason Youtube isn't being blocked today. We're not sure why or how long it'll last, but right now that's not important. What is important is that Don and I were able to have this IM conversation:

Brian(13:25:35): http://www.youtube.com/
Brian(13:25:36): works
Donald(13:25:46): I'm not fallin for that
Brian(13:25:59): No for real. Trust me.
Donald(13:28:12): All these weeks I was saying, wow I wish I could watch that on Youtube. Now that it works, I have no idea what to watch
Brian(13:28:43): I was thinking that exact same thing
Brian(13:28:53): I didn't use the word "wow" though
Donald(13:32:29): This is equivlant to Andy Dufresne getting the boys some beer on the top of that roof
Brian(13:33:39): "Hey Andy, thanks for getting us youtube back. I just sent you a link of a girl in a bikini washing windows. It's classic." "No thanks, I don't even watch youtube."
Donald(13:39:45): Corporate: "I don't believe it, the firewall dropped for 30 seconds and these guys were all over youtube"
Brian(13:39:52): excellent

EDIT:
Adam(13:45:39): this is the greatest day of my life
Douglas(13:45:44): i don't know if i've ever seen adam this happy before

Person 1: "Hey did they give you any plastic knives with that?"
Person 2: "No, just spoons."
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I'd say that's pretty ironic. Don't cha think?

"I'd be much better at my job if I knew what I was doing."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah I can see how that'd be a hindrance. But everyone knows when all else fails, you fake it.

Him: "See that's why I like you 'cause you always agree with me."
Me: "No I don't."
Him: "Yes you do."
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I don't think he got it.

"That's not what she said."
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Yeah, it sounded weird.

Brian(07:36:37): have you ever tried to type in a password to one of your programs, but you had an IM conversation up on your screen at the same time, so you ended up sending that person your password to something by accident?
Brian(07:36:46): I almost did that to you
Brian(07:36:59): you almost got a message from me that said brian123
Donald(07:37:08): people do that to me all the time
Brian(07:37:13): excellent
Donald(07:37:16): some people have gayyy passwords
Brian(07:37:21): better
Brian(07:37:40): iheartguys4
Donald(07:38:08): i can't recall

This really does happen all the time.

Follow-up note: One of the labels for this post is for Greg's benefit. See if you can find it.

Guy 1: "Man I can't wait 'til Friday......."
Guy 2: "Well you're gonna have to."
[pause]
Guy 1: "Wait, why is that?"
Guy 2: "Do you have some kind of time machine that I wasn't aware of?"
Guy 1: "Oh I thought you meant because of some kind of.....never mind."

/Literal Fail