1 Happy St

It's impossible to skip something when you're told to skip it. That's why you're gonna continue reading. I'll give you a strong effort, but I can guarantee that you'll regret going any further.

Okay, it's your life.

So I'm listening to the Bulls/Heat game on the radio right now. Dwyane Wade just picked up his 2nd foul midway through the 1st quarter, so he was taken out of the game. I never understood the logic with this kind of thinking. I can understand taking him out if you think he's just not in sync or something, but that's not why his coach did it. Wade was taken out so that he doesn't pick up a 3rd foul. Think about that. He's being taken out of the game in the 1st quarter so that he doesn't [POSSIBLY] foul out in the 4th. Doesn't the 1st quarter count just as much as the 4th? Wouldn't it make more sense to keep your best player in the game as long as possible and gamble that he won't pick up another foul? At least then you're not purposely taking away his minutes.

Eh.

"If I was LeBron James, I would shut the hell up. I’m a big LeBron fan. He’s a stud. You gotta give him his props. I’m getting so annoyed he’s talking about what he’s going to do in two years. I think it’s disrespectful to the game. I think it’s disrespectful to the Cavaliers." - Charles Barkley in a radio interview last Wednesday with Dan Patrick."

Lebron’s response: "He’s stupid. That’s all I’ve got to say about that."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------That’s all I’ve got to say about that? Awesome sauce. If Charles responds back with "stupid is as stupid does", I’ll be a happy man.

ESPN is reporting that the Chicago Bulls will announce Doug Collins as their new next head coach.

Some of our older readers may remember that Doug Collins had coached the Bulls back in the 80's (yes, the 1980's) before they started hanging banners from the ceiling (and presumably before the invention of the shot clock and plexiglass backboards).

Collins was fired by the Bulls following the '88-'89 season, and replaced by the great Phil Jackson who led the team to 6 NBA championships. Why the Bulls think Collins will be a better fit for the team 20 years later remains a mystery. But I say why stop there? They should try to get more of that team back. Are you telling me Charles Oakley is busy?

The past few NBA seasons, Isiah Thomas had been the coach of the Knicks. Before he was the coach, he was the General Manager. The whole time he's been employed by the team, the Knicks have sucked, while also having by far the largest payroll in the league, and it's largely Isiah's fault. During his time as General Manager, he sexually harrassed one of his female employees, fired her, got sued, lost, and caused his employers to have to pay millions of dollars in damages to her. In other words, he's been a complete trainwreck.

So the owners of the Knicks fired him. Kinda.

If they fire him, they'd have to pay him the remainder of his salary for sitting at home. And they're not about to do that. So now they're going all "George Costanza when he was employed at Play Now" on him. He's still employed by the team, but he has no title and he is barred from having contact with anyone within the organization, including players. I guess they're hoping that he'll be so embarrassed by his new role that he'll quit, meaning they won't have to continue paying him. It is unclear if they've already boarded up the door to his office so he has to crawl through the duct work to get in.

Today was the NBA's trading deadline. For Bulls GM John Paxson, that meant it was yet another opportunity for a day to come and go by doing absolutely nothing in terms of making his team better, as well as a chance for him to prepare for another days worth of newspaper articles that would be calling him an incompetent moron.

Shockingly, the first part of that equation won't happen; he actually did something. He managed to trade horribly inept basketball player Ben Wallace to Cleveland for a handful of their horribly inept basketball players. Cleveland managed to get Seattle to join in the fun, so in all, 3 different teams were able to unload some of their crap in exchange for someone else's crap. A tour de force really. Let's break it down.

Chicago gets 4 players: they are Drew Gooden (tall and big, but doesn't do anything all that well. He can rebound some, but not as often as a guy should who is that tall and big), Larry Hughes (taller guard who can't shoot but gets paid like a guy who can. Translation - sucks), Cedric Simmons (sucks but his contract is up after this year, so almost pointless), and Shannon Brown (really really sucks, but he went to a local High School in Chicago, so I guess that's kinda cool).

Cleveland also gets 4 players: they are Ben Wallace (makes about $15 million annually, has no skills offensively whatsoever, rarely rebounds anymore which is the main reason he makes so much money in the first place, and shoots free throws about as poorly as my mom), Wally Szczerbiak (was good in college, okay in the pros, makes a ton of money, good shooter, and white. There's not much else to say), Delonte West (young player who I actually like, doesn't make a lot of money, decent role player), Joe Smith (IMO, he's Drew Gooden for less money), and a future second-round pick from the Bulls.

Seattle gets 3 players: they are Ira Newble (who has about as much of a chance contributing to a playoff team as I would), Adrian Griffin (who may just be the worst basketball player in the league), and Donyell Marshall (a taller swingman who can occasionally hit a 3-pointer, doesn't play defense, and is basically still living off of an unbelievable college career at UConn).

What does all this mean? It means that Chicago traded a good portion of their dead weight, and in return they took on Cleveland's dead weight. Cleveland traded a good portion of their dead weight, and in return took on Chicago's dead weight and some of Seattle's. Seattle traded some of their dead dead weight and took on some of Cleveland's.

Oh you gotta love these moves!

The NBA Draft was last night. I wasn't going to mention it, but then my Bulls selected Joakim Noah (pictured right) and his ridiculous hair and I didn't want to pass up the chance to use the 'ridiculous afro' label again. So here were my favorite moments from the 2007 NBA Draft - an annual event that never seems to disappoint in the comedy department:

"It’s going to be quite a battle. I don’t want to compare what we’re doing to what’s going on over in Iraq, but…it should be quite the battle." – New Jersey Nets coach Lawrence Frank, talking about an upcoming playoff game between his team and the Toronto Raptors.

This is sad. He’s being interviewed and says the game is going to be a battle. Then an alarm goes off in his head that tells him that people may be upset with his comparison (which isn’t really a comparison at all) to war, so he prefaces his next statement to make sure that he’s covered. The saddest part about this is I don’t blame him. Remember a few years ago when Kevin Garnett did the same thing and he was blasted by all the sportswriters and television pundits for it? Granted Kevin went a little further and mentioned weaponry and tactics (which by the way was hilarious if you have a sense of humor and don't take things too seriously), but I think it’s sad that Larry Frank found it necessary to preface his statement like that.

We know that a basketball game isn’t the same thing as driving around in a Humvee while getting shot at. We know that a basketball game isn’t the same thing as walking around in the hot desert surrounded by people who want to kill you. And yet, I’m sure that if Larry hadn’t covered himself the way that he did, people would be demanding an apology from him today. Quite sad.

Unrelated lighter note: the guy I work with who has all the Cosby sweaters switched things up today. He’s wearing a collared shirt, but it has a Cosby-sweater pattern. It’s terrific. I have to find out where he shops for these things.

A quote from Knicks GM/Coach Isiah Thomas before the NBA Draft last night: “I stand here before you in all honesty and still say I would rather have Eddy Curry than any player in this draft and every GM would take Eddy Curry in this draft. So would I. Had we had the second pick, I would've traded the second pick in the draft for Eddy Curry.”

This got me thinking. What if Eddy Curry WAS in this draft, and the Knicks had the 2nd pick and he was available? I think the commentary would have went something like this:

"Eddy has some upside. He’s a little old (23) for a rookie, but he's big, he can clog the middle, and he can post up. Defensively, he's slow-footed and has trouble rotating; NBA coaches will exploit that. He also looks lost on the court sometimes, people question his overall basketball IQ, and he has trouble maintaining proper fitness. Oh, and he has that scary heart problem and could potentially die on the court at any moment.”

Eddy Curry - DePaul
Needs to improve - heart

You're right Isiah. That's the safe pick.

If you selected Dwyane Wade in the pool for "player most likely to thank God" after the NBA Finals, you win. I lost for selecting Gary Payton, but I feel I was robbed by ABC because he was barely interviewed.